The Immortal

It’s been a long time since I read an adventure fiction book. First I thought this kind of book is not suitable for an adult, although they categorized it as a young adult book. I love and enjoy reading these books with its series. There are 6 books in the series… I have read the first 2 books.

The first book called, The Alchemyst {The Immortal Nicholas Flamel}

The story begins with teen twins Josh and Sophie discover, in a rather explosive way, that the San Francisco bookstore owner Josh works for is really Nicholas Flamel, a nearly 700-year-old alchemist who created the Philosopher's Stone, from which he and his wife Perenelle get the Elixir of Life. Their enemy is Dr. John Dee, who works for the Dark Elders, members of the Elder Race who are the source of most of humanity's ancient myths and legends. The Dark Elders want to reinstate their dominion over the Earth.

Dee kidnaps Perenelle and steals the Codex, an ancient book containing the secrets of magic, and a prophecy involving twins. But Josh accidentally grabs the final two pages, and now Dee and his masters are out to reclaim the pages, and enlist or kill the twins. As they race across the West Coast, members of the Elder Race begin lining up on both sides.


The Second book called, The Magician {The Immortal Nicholas Flamel}

Suddenly finding themselves in Paris thanks to a magical gateway, the twins Sophie and Josh, the immortal alchemist Nicholas Flamel, and the vampire warrior Scathach must face a new enemy: Nicollo Machiavelli. He's to collect the magical twins on behalf of the powerful magician Dee. Looking for any ally they can find in Flamel's home city, they run across Saint-Germaine, a former student of Flamel's who's versed in fire magic and currently tops on the techno music charts. But Germaine's house is known to Machiavelli, and it isn't long before scary creatures are unleashed to bring them in.

The second book is more exciting to me. THE MAGICIAN is just as fun and exciting as the first book, maybe more so because now Sophie's powers have been awakened and she gets to try them out -- and she's really got some neat tricks up her sleeve, especially after she trains in Saint-Germaine's fire magic. Twin Josh is brooding over not having his powers awakened yet -- and makes some "what were you thinking?!" decisions because of it -- but he still gets a heroic warrior moment with a particularly nasty monster.

The book takes readers all over Paris -- even below it into the creepy catacombs -- where all sorts of historical and mythological figures pop up. The author, an authority on mythology and folklore, really unleashes some fascinating creatures on readers and barely restrains himself from delving into each character's complex history -- which is why the book, which takes place over just a couple of days, is close to 500 pages.

For you who love fantasy stories, I highly recommended these books.

Special thanks to Nit2x, who generously lend me these books.

Source: www.commonsensemedia.org/...reviews

Making The Passport

I never make passport on my own. So, I was worried about a lot of things when I made it. Afraid of the interview, the officer, etc... I'm a worrier... (laughing).

I started the process by searching how to make a passport on the internet and asked a few friend how has the experience. According to them, the process was simple and easy. I have to buy the form, fill it up, and give it in to the officer. Just like that... Hmm, that should be a piece of cake... From the internet I found out that there are an online service for making a passport.

Well, I thought it would be easier if I try the online service. After scanning all the documents required by the Immigration Office, I tried the online service. I was disappointed. I filled the form and uploaded the documents but always failed due some error at their (Immigration office) server. That's it I gave up online service.

Here we go, the manual process. I went to the Immigration office on Tuesday. As a friend advice, I came early. I arrived at 8.00am and guess what? The office was opened but there are no officer. This office should be open by 8.00 yet I have to wait until they came. By 8.15 the office already crowded with people. The officer arrived at 8.20, so we started to queue to buy the application form.

After I filled the form, I went to the second floor where the whole process took place. Let's see! The counter was opened with no one behind it. So, I waited for 15 minutes. The officer came, I gave in the form, he checked all the documents. It didn't take much time. He gave me a receipt and schedule my next visit for interview.

My schedule for interview was 3 days later, Friday. This the horrible part. I came at 8... The counter was still closed. The officer came at 8.30, I queued for my form. I got my form back at 8.45 and the next thing I should do was paid at the cashier. Again! The counter was closed. I felt tired of waiting. I couldn't remember the exact time it opened. I got queue's number 3 for the interview and photo. I waited until 45 minutes when they finally called me to take my picture and another 20 minutes for the interview.

The most shocking moment was the interview process. The officer only asked me whether they wrote my name correctly. I said, yes and that's it. The interview was ended (laughing out loud). I mean, is that it? That's the only question? Gee... I have to wait this long for such question? Well, why don't the first counter's officer ask? It would save my time.

Well, in my opinion... "some people doesn't respect at other's time just to make them wait and wait.." Don't they know that waiting is a wasting of time?

I went back to the first counter to ask when I should be back for my passport. He said the passport should be done by next Friday. Whew!Next Friday when I came back, again I have to wait for the officer for 15 minutes. He took my receipt and told me to wait. After 30 minutes, I asked the officer how long I should wait? Explicitly he said that the officer who suppose to sign my passport hasn't arrive yet. So he asked me to go back after lunch. What the ?!@#*

I decided not to came back after lunch that Friday. Instead, I took my passport on Monday. Waited not for long, the officer handed me my passport. Yay! I finally have a passport and I'm proud of me because I made it by myself. This is it, my experience of making passport.

Me - East Meets West

I was born early due an incident. I only spend 8 months in my mother’s womb. Sometimes it’s confusing when I took a glance at today’s horoscope. Should I read Virgo or Libra? Hmm, should I read between Leo and Virgo since my birthday isn’t that far from Leo. One thing for sure I was born in a horse year based on Chinese calendar. In this entry I try to figure out between the east and the west… the female and the horse. I collected the data from many source, hope it can give a clear view on my character.

THE WEST - VIRGO (THE FEMALE)
Virgos are famous with perfectionist, conservative, practical, diligent, intelligent, analytical, fussy, worrier, overcritical, and harsh character. Virgos define pure modesty; they can't bear to be taken care of, they prefer to take care of others. They have keen, good intellects, are very discriminating about those with whom they associate, and in all business matters they have good judgment, and are not easily imposed upon or deceived.

Virgos can become good literary critics, being quick to see the weak points. They are inclined to become wrapped up in themselves and their own ideas, and often become selfish in the close pursuit of their aims.

Love for Virgo is devotion and will include love of family, friends, and those less fortunate than them. There is no pretense involved in how they act or what they say. Marriage is a major commitment; they value their union as both a love relationship and a working partnership. A warm relationship brings out the best in Virgos because basically they are kind, devoted and very loyal.

Virgos consequently become quite critical with themselves as well as with circumstances, due to the effect of such disappointments on a sensitive and discriminating nature. Disappointment can harden them into a cynic and a skeptic. Some Virgos really don’t like to be the center of attention. They become quite embarrassed if singled out in the crowd. They'd prefer to remain anonymous. They are the quiet achiever who likes to remain in the background concentrating on getting things done right without too much talk.

THE EAST - THE HORSE
The horse is famous with self-reliant, joyful, outgoing, sophisticated, greedy, resilient, and arrogant characteristic. The horse symbolizes a strength, energy and outgoing nature. They are extemporaneous and quick-witted. They are quite intelligent and use their practicality to their advantage in their business and personal lives. Their sharpness makes them quick to pick up new skills and is able to handle many tasks at one time.

Since I was born in 1978, so it makes me an Earth Horse. Earth Horse is able to see situations from all angles and corners. They are relatively easygoing, preferring to determine each pro and con before making a final decision. Earth Horse works hard to accomplish goals they have set and would rather take longer to do an outstanding job than to work shorter and shave a little quality. They have great senses of humor and are extremely adaptable in most instances. Horse doesn’t like people, who ignore them. They don’t like being stuck in a situation, or envious people, or feeling dependent.

Horse is honest, friendly and open-minded. They’re perhaps a bit too centered on themselves and have been known to throw tantrums when situations don’t go their way. In relationship, Horse, being spontaneous, has a tendency to fall fast and hard for others. They tend to give themselves fully in each new relationship a quality that ends up chipping away at their inner being. For horse, RAT is their mortal enemy.

WHEN EAST MEETS WEST
Hmm, quite confuse to make conclusion for this entry. When east meets west means Virgo meets Horse. Let’s combine these two symbols and find out my true character. Well, I have to admit that I have most of a Virgo’s character. I am perfectionist, conservative, analytical, worrier, fussy, overcritical, harsh, loyal, kind, devoted, difficult in making friends, very discriminating, and don’t like to be the center of attention.

While from the horse’s character I find much in common too. I am honest, friendly, open-minded, analytical, sophisticated, like to work hard, easily angry when situation don’t go my way and self-centered. I don’t like to be ignored, hate to be dependent, and stuck in a situation. On the contrary to the horse, I don’t have a sense of humor at all, not easy going, have difficulty to adapt, and very dependent to other. According to the horse symbol, Rat is the mortal enemy. This is funny, since my closest friend is someone with a Rat symbol in Chinese calendar. I am challenged to be couple with someone with Rat symbol (LOL).

This is it… trying to capture the true character of me. What do you think?

Missing You

Sad... and empty...
Tired... and lonely...
In timeless memory

Wandering through time
Walking thru our paths
Trying to find you

In every place and every step
I can see your face everywhere
I miss you so much...

Want to forget you
Just to let you go
Although it's hard and painful...

But for a moment...
Let me be with you
Let my heart beat only for you...

(Dedicated to someone. I miss you, I love you)

Second Month Result

Last week I got my period, last only 3 days. The bleeding was lesser than before. The menstrual pain gradually reduced. But I still felt the pain that I use to have after the menstrual period. The ache from my right tummy spread trough my back and leg. This time is as painful as before I begin the treatment. Sometimes it's hard to get up after sitting for a long time and felt awkward to walk afterward.

Have to admit that I skipped one pill. Completely, totally forget about it on Sunday. The alarm in my phone already remind me of it but I forget to bring the medicine since I switch my bag. Stupid!!! I remember bout it at midnight before I slept and it's already too late to consume it according to the leaflet yet still took it. I continued to consume until the last pill.

I will continue this treatment. Wishing that one day it will make all the pain disappear. No matter how much I hate to take it...

Christmas' Wishes

December! One of my favorite month of the year. I love the Christmas' ornament at the malls, the theme colors of Christmas - red and green... perfect combination, the Santa Claus, all the music... Don't you love Christmas? I do.

Santa Claus, the big guy with red suits and long white beard, is very identical to Christmas' wishes. When I was a little girl, I sat on his lap and asked him many presents. Now as an adult, I still have Christmas' wishes and today I will write my Christmas' wishes. Hope the Santa Claus will hear my wishes ^o^.

First wish is to bring the lost sheep home. This is a hard! I've given my best effort... They have been lost for quite a long time, I wish to be able to open their eyes and make them see the right path. Come home with me... walk on the right path... No matter what may happen, I love you.

Second wish is a glasses. I have 2 glasses. The first one looks very funny on me. Well, my dad choose it for me... actually I didn't like it but since he paid for it, I have to take his choice or else (~laughing out loud~). I hardly wear it. My second glasses was my own choice, I bought it with my own money. I love it very much but still rarely wear it... too heavy (~laughing~). Several months ago a friend ask me where I bought and how much it cost. I told her the place and then I thought she needed this glasses more than me, so I decided to give it to her. Now, I need a new glasses since the big meeting is coming soon. Last Sunday I saw a friend with "Levi's" eyeglasses... and I fall in love with it. This is my second wish for Christmas.

Third wish is a watch. I don't have any watch right now. My old and favorite watch was broken, tried to repair it several time. It's running again but the chain is too small (even with extra chain) and I easily drop it. There is another watch from my dad, but the genuine skin color leather chain is broken. Since it is an expensive watch I couldn't change it with regular leather chain. The original leather chain is too expensive for my pocket (~laughing~). So, I need a new watch and I like to have a "Fossil" Watch... This is my last Christmas wish.

Now, who want to be my Santa Claus? Hmm...

Beautiful...

Last Sunday, our choir has a job in a wedding mass. I knew the bride and her mother very well. The wedding was as beautiful as other wedding, but I'm amazed with the songs selection by the bride. I never heard this song before and the first time I heard it, I directly fall in love with this song called "When God Made You" by Natalie Grant. She choose this song for their opening ceremony. The lyric is beautiful...

WHEN GOD MADE YOU
by Natalie Grant

(Guys) It’s always been a mystery to me,
how two hearts can come together,
and love can last forever.
But now that I have found you I believe,
that a miracle has come when God sends the perfect one.
So gone are all my questions about why,
And I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life

Chorus:
Oh I wonder what God was thinking, when he created you.
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because he made all my dreams come true.
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me.

(Girls) I promise that wherever you may go, wherever life may lead you,
With all my heart I'll be there too.
And from this moment on I want you to know,
I'll let nothing come between us, and I will love the ones you love.
(guy):So gone are all my questions about why (girl echoes):about why

Duet: Oh I wonder what God was thinking when he created you,
I wonder if He knew everything I would need,
Because He made all my dreams come true.
When God made you He must have been thinking about me.

Bridge:
He made the sun He made the moon,
to harmonize a perfect tune,
One can't do without the other they just have to be together.
And that is how I know its true,
you’re for me and I’m for you and my world
Just can’t be right without you in my life

Chorus:
(guy) He must have heard every prayer I've been praying (girl echo)
I've been praying (both)
He must have knew everything I would need
When God made you, He must have been thinking about me

The second song she choose called "Your Love" by Gita Gutawa and Delon. When I heard this song, I'm not impress at all. The combination of voice is not perfect, but when Sally and Anggie sang this song... Wow! I'm breathless. Here is the lyric:

YOUR LOVE
by Gita Gutawa and Delon

Every time I close my eyes
and say my prayer at night
I thank God each day for your love
that gives me wings to fly up high
to reach my dream aim for the sky
you always said

Your head up high
smile on your face and wish
that you will always be loved
the stars will lead you every step you take
don’t you ever be afraid, believe in you
and I’ll be there to guide you wherever you may go

Thank you for your love, forever

When I am down and the things go wrong
the world against me too
I close my eyes and think of you
and knew what you would say now

Your head up high
smile on your face and wish
that you will always be loved
the stars will lead you every step you take
don’t you ever be afraid, believe in you
and I’ll be there to guide you
Wherever you may go away

Thank you for your love, forever
Giving me my wings to fly

There... beautiful isn't it? This song was for the closing ceremony just after the prayer to Mother Mary. Just find the song at YouTube if you like to know more, hope that you will love the song as I do.

My Favorite Drinks

When a friend wrote in her blog about her favorite drink, she inspire me to write about my favorite drinks. My favorite drinks are regular water, Dilmah's pure peppermint tea, and Starbucks' caramel macchiato coffee.



First favorite drink, the regular water.
I like to drink many pure water, not hot... not cold... just regular water. Actually I never like regular water, I used to drink cold water. Until one day, I went to my best friend's house where she serve only regular water. First, I hate the taste... but later on I began to like it until now. Sometimes I drink cold water but mostly just a regular water.



Second, the Dilmah's Pure Peppermint Tea. Each time I have a chance to drink it, I definitely order this tea. The smell and flavor of peppermint always give a calm and peaceful feeling. I've tried many tea, since this is a common drink in my country. We usually order sweet ice tea for our drink, some prefer ice tea... and now many brands offer green tea. Green tea become very popular now days. I have tried many tea, I like green tea, camomile's tea, black tea... but my favorite is pure peppermint tea. I like it hot without sugar.



Third, the Starbucks' Caramel Macchiato. I used to love coffee until I got problem with my stomach. I knew Caramel Macchiato when our team has to interview the manager of Starbucks. He introduced and taught us how to make this drink. Hmm, yummy... The sweet of caramel always give a warm taste in my stomach. I can't drink this coffee often, always like to order this one... (laughing out lout)

My Secret Love

My secret love… I never thought of sharing this love in my blog since I’ve been holding it as a secret for the last 9 years. Some of you may be wondering, why I have such a secret love. Is it a forbidden love? …

I have a crush on this guy since my first year as freshmen. He has every criteria of my perfect man. He was my senior in different major. That day, I can only admire him from a far. Until one day, we were at the same team as an assistant lecture. His subject was financial management and I taught cost accounting. I finally know his name, yet we never involve in a conversation (grin). Silly isn’t it? Well, he graduated first and I thought I have lost him.

God is really good to me. To my surprise, I met him again at the office. It is a nice surprise. I decided to make a move this time, try to get close to him in many ways. The more I know him in person, the more I love him. I admire him most in his musical talent where he can play the keyboard, drum, and guitar and figure a new song musical note just by listening for 5 minutes. Wow! What an amazing skill. I love people with their musical talent since I love music but cannot play any musical instrument. I tried to have a guitar lesson, but failed (grin).

Till this very day, my love still becomes a secret. He has this cold and close personality. It’s so hard to get close to him even when he works only 10 steps away from me. One day I asked my friend, how to get close to someone with his personality. He suggested me to forget about him. How can I forget him while he is here with me every single day?

Should I forget about him?
To my secret love, I just wish I could tell you...

The Result of Yasmin

Yasmin is the name of my birth control pills, the medicine prescribed by my gynecology. In order to reduce the pain I am having in each menstrual cycle, I took these pills daily… on the same time for the last 21 days. I took it every 12 am, just before I have my lunch, reminded by my cell phone’s alarm (grin). After 21 days, I should give a break for 7 days and I get my menstrual during this break time.

I took the first pill on the third day of my menstrual cycle last October. My menstrual became longer with less blood. Usually after the cycle, I always experience pain at my lower tummy for almost a week. When I took the pill, the pain disappears. Wow! This is a major breakthrough. I felt so excited. So, I continue the medication.

The last pill I took was at the end of October. The menstrual cycle came as schedule but… the pain came back. Actually the bleeding was less than before but I still felt the pain. Day 1, I took the pain killer 3 times a day. Day 2, I also took the pain killer 3 times a day. Day 3, I didn’t take the pain killer during the daylight, just before I slept at night the pain came back (smile)… so I took it again. Day 4, managed to survive without it. Day 5, the menstrual stopped.

Have to admit that I didn’t felt as much pain as I used to although still have to take several pain killer. I will continue this medicine at least for 3 months and see how it works. This is the first month result of Yasmin...

Entering November

Entering the month of November, remind me of my late brother. I wonder if he lives now, how he will look like. Will he look more like me or like my other brother? One thing for sure he look exactly like my father, they used to say that he was a copycat of him. My brother… I miss you so much.

He was a sweet and lovely boy. I remember his smile, his cheerfulness, his voice, his innocent. He was born as the last child in the family, on Nov 17, 1982. He grown up as an attractive boy, like another boy… he loves to play around, not naughty but very active. We loved to play together, sometimes we fought too. My parents always stand for him no matter whose fault (grin). Sometimes I fought him just to have my parents’ attention (smile).

He died when he was 9… well, almost 10 years old. He died when all of his friends have to take their exam for the next grade. We never know his real disease that took him away. One day he came home from school, he was running around the house and fell with his left arm tried to hold his entire body. After that his left arm hurt, we brought him to the doctor. The first doctor directly diagnosed it as a cancer without further inspection. We didn’t believe him, so we went to orthopedic. The orthopedic asked him to have x-ray and he decided to treat his arm like he was having a bone fracture. He put his arm in a cast and turn out to be a wrong move. His arm got swollen and my mom brought him back to the orthopedic. Again, the doctor cut the cast and put a new cast. My brother cried all the time since he fell, even with his arm in a cast… he cried harder. We didn’t know what to do.

When our father came home (he was move to another city by his company, we planned to move after the school holiday), he decided to put my brother in the hospital. The doctor at the hospital couldn’t find out his real disease and his health condition became worst. On the third day they operated on his adhering intestine. After the surgery, he has bleeding for several days. Only a week at the hospital he finally gave up, he died on Monday morning (May 11, 1992) – around 8 am. The doctor said he suffered pleurisy before he die. So, if you wonder what was his disease…? I don’t have the answer. I don’t know…

I love you and miss you so much, my brother… May you rest in peace...

In This Life

Hmm... Lately, I searched a lot of old song. I remember some songs I love when I was in high school either junior or senior. I asked my brother and several friends, why do I have a flash back memory? They said maybe I have a beautiful memory with the songs... Hmm, they probably right. For several days in this week I remember a song by Collin Raye called "IN THIS LIFE". A beautiful simple song that has a deep meaning to me... Remind me how much I was loved and still love by Him. This is the lyric... 

IN THIS LIFE

For all I've been blessed with in this life,
there was an emptiness in me.
I was imprisoned by the power of gold.
With one honest touch, you set me free.

Let the world stop turning,
let the sun stop burning.
Let them tell me love's not worth going through.
If it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart
the only dream that matters has come true;
in this life, I was loved by you.

For every mountain I have climbed,
every raging river crossed,
you were the treasure that I longed to find.
Without your love I would be lost.

Let the world stop turning,
let the sun stop burning,
let them tell me love's not worth going through.
If it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart,
the only dream that mattered had come true;
in this life I was loved by you.

In this life, I was loved by you.

What a beautiful lyric!

Only Hope

Last night I watched again the movie called "A WALK TO REMEMBER". This movie based on the bestseller novel with the same title written by Nicholas Spark. It's one of my favorite author and novel.

A WALK TO REMEMBER is a heart wrenching account of a young, first love and the choices and steps a person will take to provide another with happiness. It's about a young man and woman in 1958 on the coast in Morehead City in Beaufort, North Carolina. This is the story of their first love, Landon and Jamie... played by Shane West and Mandy Moore. With plot twists and turns and an untold secret that will change their lives forever, Landon and Jamie fall in love. Pain and sorrow lie ahead but the story lets you believe in the power of love and that dreams do come true. Their story is unforgettable and as you wipe your tears away, you come to an unbelievable end.

Watching this movie again made me I fall in love with this song again:

ONLY HOPE
(by Mandy Moore)

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold.
But you sing to me over and over and over again.

So, I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope.

Sing to me the song of the stars.
Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again.
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours
I know now, you're my only hope.

I give you my destiny.
I'm giving you all of me.
I want your symphony, singing in all that
I am At the top of my lungs, I'm giving it back.

So I lay my head back down.
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only yours, I pray, to be only yours I pray, to be only yours
I know now you're my only hope

A nice song which remind me of a hope that I have right now. It's the biggest hope I ever have... I pray for it to happen.

Knocking at The Wrong Door

Have you ever felt like knocking at the wrong door? Again... and again? You believe that it is the right door but it turned out to be another wrong door... Wrong again... Wrong again...

I wish this is the right door...

Several months ago, I picked up the door of fire. You may call me nuts or crazy. Go a head! I don't care! I know what people say - when you play with fire, one day you'll get yourself burn. I'm aware of the risk and ready for it. I choose the door because something bad had happened to me. It was done by the person I love the most. Something that really hurt me. Maybe you call it no big deal but it is a big deal for me. You know what... I learn that the only person who can hurt you the most is the person you love the most.

I've tried to fight the bad with good attitude but it didn't worked. They become more and more attach. So, I declare the war. Yes, I'm taking the risk of it. I really wish that I can win this war without hurting anyone. If they could do it in the name of love, I can do it too. I want to bring you back, guys! Even if I have to sacrifice everything, even if it take my whole life. No matter who win this war, I want you to know that I did it for a good reason... Just like your reason for what had happened.

I love you more than anything...
May the Lord have mercy upon you and me!

The picture is taken from: www.pateco.com

My Bad Habit

Talking about my bad habit always make me laugh. It's like opening your dark side to everyone. Well, this idea came when I got very mad yesterday. Hmm... I think I should write it, so one day when I re-read it, I will learn from it... (hopefully) hahaha!

Each time I mad at something or someone, I tend to run. I remember having an argument with my parents and boyfriend (I forgot what argument we had), I got mad. I just took my wallet and walked as far as I could. I made my parents and my boyfriend worried that day (they kept calling my cellphone and I rejected it). I got back home very late and they were furious. What did I do back then? Hmm, I went to a beauty saloon, got my hair cut and did some treatments. Well, a bad habit right?

Yesterday, I got mad with my parents for their absurd act. I don't mind having guests staying at our house but my parents sometimes did not think wisely. We only have 3 rooms and we already have a guest (my little sister from my hometown). Yesterday, they welcomed 5 people to stay at home. This small house and bedroom???? I like helping people but I know my limit. I just don't understand, what they were thinking. I like to serve our guests but I'm thinking more about their comfort. They slept in a room, their 3 daughters slept on the bed while their parents slept on the floor. I slept with my mom and my little sister, while my brother with my dad. Can you imagine?

Few months ago, my mom's friends came (3 ladies). You know where they slept? 2 ladies slept on our bedroom and the other slept in our couch in front of the television at our living room. See!!! This is not what I have in mind of serving guests. Well, what do you think?

What I did this time? I cooked and ate it (in angry mode), later I asked my little sister to come with me to the mall and... I bought my sister a shoes, clothes, and accessories. What a stupid act!!! Well, I run again!!! I really need an anger management... LOL... Need to control my emotion!

Whew!

Yesterday I went to see my gynecologist. As I wrote before, everyone suggested me to see her again. It's been almost a year since the last time I saw her. I was worried because I felt a lump in my lower tummy. It's a different lump; hard, solid with unclear border. I thought it was another cyst of my endometriosis.

This time I went with a friend, since I don't want my parents to know about it. So, I told them that I went to have dinner with some friends. A big liar, huh? Well, I don't want them to worry over something unclear. The result is good.

She examined me, she tried to find where the cyst. The last time - one year ago, she said my womb is clear no threat at all. She worried that the endometriosis this time not in a form of cyst but the thickening of the womb's wall. Last night, there was no sign of cyst. I'm relief. She suggested me to drink a birth control pill instead of my pain killer. She said it will reduce the pain. I hope so (cross my fingers and pray hard).

Thank you my friends for supporting me through the joy and the pain.

The picture is taken from: petersfoodadventure.wordpress.com

My first time at ER

This last few days were bad days for me. Since Saturday I have a heavy stomach ache due to my period cycle. With endometriosis, the pain become worst every period cycle. Sometimes the pain is light but when my condition is bad, then it become very painful.

This month cycle is very painful. The pain in the tummy followed by nausea and head ache. Since Saturday I took pain killer. On Sunday my condition become worse... I spend most of the day on the bed. At Sunday afternoon, I managed to go to Church. We had a strong wind that afternoon, I felt chill.

Wake up with a better condition on Monday morning so I didn't take my pain killer. I worked as usual, but at 10.30 I felt so hungry. I decided to drink cereal but my condition got worse. During lunch hour, I got head and stomach ache and nausea. I drank hot tea and turned out to be a wrong move. The nausea become worse, so I went to the toilet and vomited. I wasn't getting any better after vomited, my stomach hurt and full of gas, my head hurt and suddenly I vision become blur and black.

I tried to walk with my friend's help, borrowed my boss car and went home. The whole office got panicked because of me. So sorry... On the way home, I felt terrible so I decided to go to the ER at near hospital.

Arrived at ER the male nurse asked me to lay down on bed, then he began to check my temperature and my blood pressure. He said everything was normal and asked me what I felt. I explained to him and asked him to call my doctor. The service was awful, they made me wait so long. It suppose to be an ER but the service was like a regular clinic.

When my doctor came, I explained to her and she examined me. She said about giving me 5 injection for my head ache, stomach ache, stomach cramp, nausea, and vomit. 4 injections on hand and 1 on backside. I was in a great pain, I just nodded on whatever she said. When the nurse came I was surprised to see 5 syringes. I thought there would be 2 syringes. O God! How could I took that 4 syringes through my hand?

Well, luckily they had a special syringe so they only put one needle inside my blood vessel and inject the 4 injections one by one through it. That was a relief! I stayed at the ER for 1.5 hours. When I went to see the doctor (a different doctor) before I left, he suggested me to see my gynecologist immediately.

Wow! The last time I got this sick was before I got operated for my endometriosis. Is this another signal of it? All my friends also suggested me to see my gynecologist immediately too, even my boss recommended his wife's gynecologist.

I'm afraid. Afraid to hear what my gynecologist will say. Afraid to hear for another operation request. Some of my friends already offer to accompany me to see my gynecologist. Well, I used to go alone, always by myself.... No matter how many person accompany me, I still have to face the reality alone and I'm not ready at all. Not now!!!

My special thanks to:
Nit2x, Trisiana, Sisca, Santi, Sisilia, Benny, Blue Jasmine, Agung, Arief, Nana, Rudi, Ruth, and all my friends for helping me when I nearly passed out and being there with me through my painful times... I'm blessed to have you around me... Thank you...

Would you believe the devil?

Recently I read a novel given by my bestfriend. This novel told about a young girl who summon the devil to fulfill her wish. Her wish was to cure her mother. Her mother got an incident and fell into comma.



Well, she found this small old black book that showed her how to summon a devil with chocolate and cinnamon powder. What a weird way, isn't it? I used to watched this serial called Supernatural. The ceremonial of summoning the devil doesn't have anything to do with chocolate nor cinnamon. Anyhow, back to the novel. The devil came in the man form with a pink shirt. Man in a pink shirt? Oh, please! LOL...



When she finally asked the devil to bring back her mom from comma, the devil said no. He said that life and dead are God's privilege. So she has to change her wish, otherwise the devil can't go back to hell. Her mom finally died, and her next wish was to take her to heaven to see her mom. Again, the devil said no. You know... Devil may not go to heaven. That's the rule!



I'm not going to tell how this story end. What made me wrote this notes then? I wrote this because my friend who gave me this novel ask me, whether I will believe the devil for once in my lifetime.... Would I do that? Hmm, hard to answer. As I know, the devil always come with a tempting offer. LOL...



NO... Hell No! That's my answer, Blue Jasmine. I wouldn't put my wish on the devil's hand. I've been there, done that! No... Not even for once in my lifetime. No matter how tempting, how desperate.... I still believe in God, that He has a beautiful plan for each of us.

Putting Down

Life and problem... Who can separate them? I remember my friend said everyone faced their own problem each day, and the most important thing is how we handle each problem. So, today I decide to handle it by putting down all my problem that has been haunting me for the last few week.

Putting it down doesn't mean I give up. It's more like putting it down to God's hand. Today in our prayer communion, my friend gave a testimonial how her life has been mentally down for sometimes. How she afraid of scissor and all bad thoughts of killing herself. Wow! This girl's problem must be very heavy until she wish to end her life. She said, she finally able to get up with the help of God. She created a song... beautiful song about her experience with Holy Spirit... What a talented girl!!!

Well, I learn my lesson today... not to give up and to completely surrender my life to God. He loves me with a great love that no man can provide. His love complete me, it makes me stronger each day. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, Jesus.

Afraid

My boss asked me to accompany him to go to my home town next week for two days trip. Actually this plan is a perfect runaway for my stress but I'm afraid to do it. I know I shouldn't be afraid to come and stay at my own house but the trauma of what had happened is still like a fresh wound.

I made a promise to myself not to step inside the house again after what happened. The feeling of insecure and being set up still haunting me. I couldn't trust my mom again. What is her plan for me if I step into that house? Another trap? Another powerful forces?

Jesus! I know I must forgive and forget what had happened but I can't.. I'm not ready yet. Each time I see and think about my house and my parents, I'm afraid. I don't want to go to that house alone, please...

What should I tell my boss then? I should be professional, right? No!!!! I don't want to go since I know my boss would ask me to stay at my house instead of hotel. I hope I can just say no to him (cross my fingers...)... Please help me, God.

So Tired...

Till when Lord?
I try not to give up,
But I'm tired... so tired...

This burdens are heavy,
A feeling of failure...
A feeling of undeserved...

I know I shouldn't be like this
I know I shouldn't be complaining
I know I shouldn't be crying

Till when, Lord?
I try not to give up...
But I'm tired... so tired..

Touch me, o Lord
Carry me in your gentle arms
I need You...

This is me, Lord
Take my hand
Show me Your way

My Recycle Bin

I use this term to ask my friend to be a good listener. A friend introduced me to this term when he asked whether I want to be his recycle bin or not. I was confused that time, but I really understand the point of becoming a good listener through him. A recycle bin is a garbage bin, where you can throw all your garbage there. A recycle bin receives all the garbage without complaining or commenting. This is a hard job since I tend to speak my own mind instead of listening. Thanks to my friend, SAN... I learn so much from you.

Good listening skills are vital to healthy relationships. Whether you’re strengthening a relationship or resolving a conflict, good listening skills can be a lifeline to peace. Listening is an essential part of communication. Being a good and patient listener helps you not only solve many problems, but also to see the world through the eyes of others, thereby opening your understanding and enhancing your capacity for empathy.

Here are some steps to enhance your good listening skills:

1. Stop talking, be silent, and start to listen. It might sound obvious and trite, but one of the biggest obstacles to listening, for many people, is resisting the impulse to 'chime in'. Ask your friend what’s wrong, and really listen to the answer. Let them vent their fears, frustrations and other important feelings, maintaining eye contact and showing that you’re interested in what they have to say. Resist the urge to give advice, and just let them get it out.
2. Place yourself in the other person’s shoes. It is often too easy to wonder about how what the other person is telling you is impacting you. Active listening is not about inward thinking. Instead, you must draw away from the temptation to do this by looking at the problems from the other person's perspective and actively trying to see his or her point of view.
   
3. Reframe what you hear. Repeat some of the things they said. At the same time, encourage them with positive feedback. It is also very useful to summarize what the speaker is saying and restate it in your own words. This is a form of reassuring the speaker that you have truly been listening to what he or she is saying. It also provides them with an opportunity to correct any mistaken assumptions or misconceptions that may have arisen during the course of the conversation. This is an especially good technique to try when you find yourself getting frustrated or restless in your listening. Summarize and repeat back your understanding of what they’re saying so they know you’re hearing them, and focus on the emotions they might be feeling.
4. Do not interrupt with what you feel or think about the topic being discussed. Wait for another person to ask your opinion before interrupting the flow of discussion. Active listening requires the listener to shelve his or her own opinions temporarily, and await appropriate breaks in the conversation for summarizing. Abstain from giving direct advice. Instead, let him or her talk the situation out and find his or her own way. Just because someone is speaking to you, do not presume that they are asking for your input! Be patient and respect pauses. Listening is about understanding another person, not about making suggestions (unless asked).
5. Help Brainstorm. Rather than giving advice in the beginning, which cuts off further exploration of feelings and other communication, wait until they’ve gotten their feelings out, and then help them brainstorm solutions.

And here are some tips for you:

1. Do not give advice unless requested.
2. Never criticize while listening.
3. Listening is about creating a caring environment in which the other person feels encourage by your ability to understand.
4. Do not judge anyone for their opinion or action.
5. Trust the process for everyone has a unique thought process and ways to express their self.
6. The more you listen, the more trusted you become.
   

I always ask some of my close friend to be my recycle bin, some turn out to be a very good listener, some refuse to do it. I appreciate your time and attention, guys… I really do. Thank you for being a loyal recycle bin…

Source:
stress.about.com/od/relationships/ht/howtolisten.htm
http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Listener

An Early Birthday Gift

Everyone has their own imagination of how they want to celebrate their birthday. Each year they try many different ways. Some celebrate it in a small or big party, while some celebrate it with them self - contemplating.

Well, each year I tried many ways to celebrate mine. I remember last year I celebrated it with my close friend at a pizza restaurant and got my first surprise birthday party from my office friends. This year I wish to be able to celebrate it by myself... Just be with myself. Will I be able to do that??? Hmm, let’s see…

Anyhow, this year celebration got a bit of distraction. It is a funny distraction. I open my birthday present 19 days before my birthday. Well, I have a best friend who always gives a surprise gift each year on my birthday. I call it surprise gift, because she always gives four items to me. When we were in university, I remember her saying that she wants to celebrate each week in August as my birthday. So each week in August, she always gave me a present.

We hardly meet each other now but she always does her habit. She never forgets it, not even once. She did it in a different way though, not by giving a present for each week but put it together four items in a box and give it to me at once. Last year she gave it on July, so I have to wait one month to open it. Very challenging... And I manage to open it on my birthday. Well, this year she gave it 19 days earlier (she already prepares it since June but I refuse to take it).... Way too early!!!

So, the night she gave her present I told her that I will open it on my birthday. Later that night she called and asked me to open it immediately. I refused but she insisted because she was afraid that she might give the wrong present. Finally, I open my birthday present 19 days earlier... It's a book, a lovely book called "New Day, New You" by Joyce Meyer. I haven't read it yet, will do it after my birthday...

Thank you for the book, Siska. Thank you for preparing it since June and thank you for always make me feel special in my birthday. God bless you...

My Birthday's Wishes

My birthday is still a month away, yet a friend ask me to write my birthday's wishes. Well, why not? It's just some wishes that I really want to be able to come true. Are you sure you can grant mine? ..LOL..

So, here are my birthday's wishes:

1. I wish to be able to love Jesus for the rest of my life
2. I wish to have strong faith, hope, and love
3. I wish to have more patience to go through every life's challenges 
4. I wish to be able to make my parents happy
5. I wish to have great health to finish my purpose in life and to serve others in need

Ok, that are my birthday's wishes. Pray with me so it will come true.

My First Award

Rules for the award:

* Put the award in a post when you receive it.

* Name and link to the blogger who gave you the award in the post.

* Write the reason why you love to blog.

* Pass the award on to other bloggers that you know.

* Name and link to your recipients in the post.

* Let your recipients know that the award was passed on to them.

I got this award from Blue Jasmine - World of My Own, thank you so much! Luv ya!

I blog because I like to express my thoughts, inspire and share it with others.

So, finally, I would like to pass this tag to my great friend on and offline, Nit2x.

Election

Finally, I vote for the president election on Jul 8, 2009. Thanks to you, G! You are the one who make me feel guilty for not voting… LOL…

I cleared out my local ID problem just a month before the election. I used to have my home town ID, which is 7 hours drive from where I live now. I moved to my current location 17 years ago. My parents and brother still have their home town ID but I decide to move mine to my current location last year. The process took a very long time, especially when you handle everything by yourself. I finally gave up in the last process and let other people finished for me. Why after all this time? Well, I love my current location and sometimes I found difficulties for not having local ID. For example with the local bank, I may not open an account using my old ID.

Due to this mess up, I’ve already missed 3 elections. Since last year, my city has already held 4 elections. The first election was for the governor, the second was also for governor (their second rounds), and the third one was for House of Representatives’ member. Now, I’ve done my job as citizen, involve in determining the future of my country for the next 5 years. Hope that I didn’t make the wrong choice and whoever win or lose will take the result as a good democratic process.

The Wall

This topic brought to me twice in a week. One topic is about staring at the blank wall and the other one is about walking through the wall. Two different interesting subjects isn’t it? I really want to explore more on stare a blank wall.   

This topic brought by one of my favorite author, Mr. Paulo Coelho. I’m following his update in a social network group. He always posts a different subject each week, and always made me think about something I never had from such a simple subject. Last month, he brought it up and it challenges me to stare a blank wall.   

He said, as I quote, “I asked this week to friends to stare a blank wall – what do you see?”

  

So, I’m trying to stare a blank wall and let my mind wandering around. When I wrote this, I try to stare a blank glass not wall LOL...  I remember to write something on my blog about the current election. At the same time I was thinking about my short trip not so long ago and how cold the weather, since I couldn’t stand cold. I try to stare as long as I could but I can’t... so many things in my mind right now. I wish I could stare a little longer, let's say about 10 minutes each day... Hmm... will I be able to do that?

This exercise reminds me about meditation. I’m so curious to learn to do meditation. I like to find my peace in this crowded world. Sometimes my life gets down very low and hard to find the way back. So, I really need to relax and try to calm myself. Who can teach me meditation??? Please teach me…

Thank-o-Meter

In one of my quiet moment, I found a subject about gratitude. The writer, Byrony Wood said, "Learning to be grateful no matter what our circumstance is always important." The writer further more introduced a little machine design to measure how much gratitude we express, this little machine called Thank-o-Meter. Hmm... I wonder what score I would have...

In this time, I would like to give thanks to My God, My Savior... for my life, for each provided needs and most of all for being there through my ups and downs in life. Thanks to my parents and brother for loving me and being patience with me. My special thanks for my friends (you know who you are)...

1. Nit2x - for always supporting me and sharing all your secret with me
2. Blue Jasmine - for making me see everything in a different way, especially from the funny side of every situation 
3. SY - for providing me with those beautiful dresses and bags
4. SP - for the green shirt
5. E - for making me laugh and for the lovely book
6. MC - for your prayer
   
7. Y & P - for providing transport each time I go to choir practice
8. To all my friends that I can't mention one by one - thank you for your friendship...

So many blessing I have received, yet I often too busy or didn't notice the good around me. I really need to exercise more to express my gratitude. Have you count your blessing today?

Teaching

Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say (Exodus 4:12)

I haven’t taught in such a long time. A few weeks ago, my friends asked me to teach a university student. Hesitate but my heart told me to go for it. So, I finally took the job. Never imagine studying those books again. I mean, for 6 years I concentrate on my work and forget about the theory I learn at school. And suddenly, I have to refresh my memory.

My student is a girl. She’s a lovely girl, at her second year now. I believe that she tried her best to pass the final exam of Budgeting, Statistic, and Taxation. That’s why she wanted to take private lesson. She gave me her material for those subjects (note: I refuse to teach her statistic… I’m not good at this subject). Then I started to search and open my old book, tried to learn and dug my memory upon it. For budgeting, I have no problem at all. I am still using it at work; I just have to refresh the theory all over again.

The only problem came from taxation. Gee, I haven’t used this subject for such a long time but challenge myself to teach it. I asked some friends to teach me since so many changes in the tax regulation now days. With such limited time, I “finally” managed to learn and taught this subject.
I felt shocked and disappointed toward my student. She failed to come on time, so she missed the final exam. Can you imagine that? And she still can laugh about it. OMG! A friend told me not to get disappointed since I’ve done my part. But I just can’t do it. I’ve been a lecture assistant and my students were so excited each time we study. I wonder did she take the wrong major. Hmm, what do you think?

Well, I have admit this experience enrich me in many ways. Thank you, Lord for giving me the opportunity to teach again.

The Jealous, The Pain, and The Dark Side of Me

The Jealous
Last night I went out with my dad and my cousin to a mall. My dad bought a lot of stuffs which I categorized as “high class stuff”. This makes me realize how different I am to him. He lives in a high class society, while I am just an ordinary person.

Anyhow, I never learn my lesson in money with him (we always argue on money). Last night I want something so much. I really need this thing to replace the one I have which was broken. Unfortunately, the price is quite expensive. This month, my money is very tight. So, I can not afford it. I asked him to buy it for me but he refused. Got angry a bit, but my friend amused me by her joke so I decided to forget about it. Hell with it!!! I survive without it so far.

I SHOULDN’T ASK FOR IT. NEXT TIME… DON’T ASK!!! JUST COUNT YOUR BLESSING, HONEY!!! LEARN AND LEARN…

The Pain
This month the pain was unbearable because of my own mistake. I forget to drink the pain killer. It’s the tummy again and I got bored to face it each and every month. I tried everything… from vegetarian diet till acupuncture but the pain keeps coming back. Oh come on… aren’t you tired of me???

I don’t want to see the doctor again; I don’t want to do the same procedure and hear the statement of my health. I don’t know what I want to do with this pain. Maybe I should just get rid of my womb… and everything will be solved. O really??? I give up!

The Dark Side of Me

It’s like facing the wall when all the prayers unanswered. It starts to rock and question my faith. Lately I have face 3 big problem with money, parents, and pain. Keep asking why it happens, what I should learn from it, and how to get rid of it.

Suddenly I hear Him say, “Do you still believe in me? Am I too small for you?”

Faith looks across the storm; it does not doubt or stop to look at clouds and things without. Faith does not question why when all His ways are hard to understand, but trusts and prays. (Anon)

25 Random Things About Me

This notes was written on my Facebook page. I found it very interesting, so I copy and paste it. So here we go:

1. I was born in August. I was born early (only spend 8 months in my mom's womb) due an incident.

2. I have a very long name and here is the first letter of my entire name RSMIDNA... figure out yourself...

3. I'm the only daughter in my family, have 2 brothers and my youngest one died when he was 10 years old.

4. I spend my childhood in Palembang, South Sumatra.

5. I have been in the operation table twice... first because of fibroadenoma (breast lump) and second because of endometriosis (ovarian cyst)

6. I'm a Roman Catholic

7. I love to sing and join the youth choir at my church (AG Voice) and I'm an alto singer.

8. I love to read, especially novels. My first novel was A Woman of Substance by Barbara Taylor Bradford (consists of 8 books).

9. I hate cockroach so much, especially when they fly. Have you ever been urinated by a cockroach??? If you had, then you will know why I hate them.

10. I can't see people inside a coffin (it remind me so much of my late brother)

11. I can't stand spicy food, can't eat one... hahahaha... I hate chili so much

12. I can't cook and love salty food.

13. I love to sleep without any light on.

14. I love dogs and cats.

15. My favorite colors are white for pure, black for elegant, red for boldness, and orange for the sun.

16. I was a lecturer assistant for Cost Accounting for 4 semesters.

17. I can't drive a car, just motorcycle. I'm so dependent on others and I hate it so much.

18. I hate horror movie so much, so don't try to fool me... hehehe

19. I'm 100% Java yet can't spoke Javanese language at all hahahaha...

20. I was a Sunday School Teacher too... gee, how can I forget about that!

21. I love to drink juice especially tomato and carrot.

22. I never exercise hehehehe...

23. My favorite foods are fried tofu and soup.

24. I hate to be late and always try my very best to keep my promise.

25. My biggest dream is to travel to Lourdes and Venice.

Extraordinary

Have to admit how crazy I've been lately. I did a lot of extraordinary things according to my usual habit. Many things I never thought I would do... like this 2 extraordinary things I'm about to write. I don't know how it happened, it just happened... hahahaha. Never thought it will give me such happiness, but I really like the change in me.

The first extraordinary thing was meeting up my online friend. See, I do have many online friends but I never want to meet them in person. I always look for a friend who does not live in the same city even in the same country. I prefer to know someone who lives outside my country... so there won't be a chance for us to meet... hahaha. I tend to be more open and true to my online friend. I can tell them anything, like writing my living path in the email.

Well, like I said earlier... I hardly want to know an online friend from the same city, right? I knew this guy from one of my social website. We exchanged emails and he keep asking my local number and meeting proposal. I never gave my number, until one day, my stupid mistake on behalf of my favorite doctor (Thomas!!!! It's all your fault!!!) ... I suddenly gave it to him. Silly me!!! Then, we start to chat. Hardly to understand him at first since he's from different country (that's why I accepted him as a friend) although he lives in the same city as mine. The conversation continuous and I decided to meet him in person.

I like this new experience. I enjoyed the meeting and the friendship. But please, don't ask me to do it again with another person... This is my first and my last! I never thought of doing it, but I did it... and influence my best friend to do it too (forgive me, Blue Jasmine... glad that you enjoyed the meeting... and sorry I was late).

The second extraordinary thing I did was watching a horror movie in a movie theater. I never like horror movie. Scared? Coward? Hmm, yes I do... hahaha. The last horror movie I watched was "SHUTTER". I watched it in the middle of the day (around 11am) with my brother and couldn't sleep at all in the night afterward. Wait! I watched "THE RING" too, I shut my eyes and ear during the movie hahaha...

I promise a friend to accompany her to watch a horror movie. I always try my best to keep my promise, so I decide to watch "DRAG ME TO HELL" with her and my cousin. Have to face my own fear!!! According to me, the movie was not as horror as it may sound. I didn't close my eyes or scream during the movie. Sad ending is my favorite but I don't like the movie. Usually I seek a lesson from each movie I watched. From this movie, I learned to respect old people and try to create a healthy competition even in imperfect circumstance.

I like to conclude this writing with a quote by Julie Ackerman Link:
"Even when we don't know why something bad has happened , we know that God has the power to use it for good"

Getting Closer

Like the wheel of life, sometimes I'm at the upper and sometimes at lower. This is what I feel lately. Many things had happened in my life which toast myself up and down. Sometimes I feel very exciting toward life, yet I can feel down after a few second. Have you ever feel like that? Or you always have the spirit of life that keep you alive?

Lately, I'm facing another problem. My life today is racing and facing the darkest power I've ever known exist. This problem makes me closer to God. Have to admit that my relationship with God wasn't that good. I used to come before Him in time when I feel right... perfect. But that moment never exist, cause there are no such perfect time. There were too many excuses...

Getting closer to God need a strong will, a very strong one. The more I spend time with God, the more I feel save and secure. I can be at peace since I know that He loves me with such beautiful love. A love that no man can give me. A love that makes me want to wake up each morning, to sing and praise Him with each breathe I take. Have you ever feel that kind of love? Just try to get closer to Him and you'll find the greatest love of all. Read His word, get to know Him better, spend more time...

Friendship Poem

With this poem I would like to express my gratitude toward my best friends, where ever you are…

You are there in the time of loneliness
When I felt so low and sad
When I thought no one care for me
When I’m in trouble

You are there in the time of happiness
When I reach my dreams
When I fall in love
When I get what I want

You always stand by my side
You always believe me when no one does
You always know the best part of me and bring it out
You know me better than anyone else

You make me strong through my darkest moment
You make me believe that there’s a way out
You help me to reach my dreams
You help me to get up each time I fall

I’m not perfect, yet you accept me for me
I’m not beautiful and shinning, yet you see me in the darkness
We share our hopes and our dreams
We share our tears and our laughs

Thank you for your friendship
Thank you for your time
Thank you for being my friend
Thank you for everything

Here is my promise…
That I’ll never ever let you go
That I’ll never give up on you
That I’ll try my best to be there for you, where ever you are
For you are my angels without wings…

Celebration of Love

This morning in my silent moment suddenly I remember my friend, Kiki. She was an attractive girl, very active person. One day, she found out that her leg was swollen. She did a medical examination and the result was bad… very bad. She has a permanent kidney failure that made her went through hemodialysis. Her life depended on it. She tried an alternative medication too, but it wasn’t working. She struggled for 1.5 years with this disease. She died on January 2008.

I admire her; she has a strong will to live. She never gave up on anything. She smiled every time we visited her. I know how much it hurt, to go through from one hemodialysis to another especially for her. When the doctor couldn’t find her blood vessel, they searched and searched till they found it. The last blood vessel available for her hemodialysis was on her chest.

There was one man who stood by her every time, her husband. I saw his sincere and unconditional love. They were still dating when she found out about the disease. 3 months later he proposed her and they got married not long after it. He stood by her in every situation, he was a very patient man. Maybe he was her reason to stay alive, to be stronger, and to smile no matter how hurtful the medication was.

Today is a Good Friday, a celebration of love. Jesus Christ died on the cross for us, He sacrifice His life for us. There are no greater love than this, as He always said, “There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13).

This day Christ shows His great love to the world as He died on the cross. May you follow Him in faith and share His love to the world…

Learn to Forgive

This week I have learned so many. My problem with the family makes me learn from many different sides. At first I completely blame my parents for what had happened. Now I look at what happened in a different side.

In my prayer, I always ask to be able to forgive. Jesus said I have to forgive 70 x 7 times. Forgiving is the hardest part in life. But I realized one thing in this Easter that God has forgiven me through His Son. I am only a human and imperfect yet I receive so much love from Him. So I have decided to forget about what happened and start to forgive my parents. I used to accuse them that they didn’t love me, for who I am; instead of asking it which I know they love me so much, I learn to love them as who they are. No matter what had happened, they are my parents.

This week I read an article titled “The Shadow of the other” (Intisari Magazine, April 2009). This article also becomes my consideration toward love and forgiving. Here is a short resume of the article:

One day an Axe, a Saw, a Hammer and a Fire made a journey together. In the middle of the dessert they stopped because the road was block with Steel. Supplied with their power, they tried to get rid of the Steel.

“Leave it to me! I’ll get rid of it,” said the Axe. The Axe started to hit it again and again. But the Steel is too hard and strong, finally the Axe became blunt and it gave up.

“OK then, let me handle it,” said the Saw. With its sharp teeth, the saw began to saw. What was the result? Still the same, all the saw’s teeth became fall off.

“What did I tell you?” said the Hammer. “You wouldn’t be able to do this. I’ll show you how.” What happened? It hammers once and its head flung away. The Steel remain the same.

Mean while, the Fire was quietly listen to his friends argument and decided to raise its voice, “May I try to help?" Without waiting for their consent it started to circle and softly hug the Steel. It hugged so tightly and never let it go. Finally the hardest of the Steel melted.

There are many stubborn hearts to fight with furious and high self esteem. But no heart can stand the warm love fire. As Carl Gustav Jung, the famous psychoanalyst from Swiss, used to say, “Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predominant, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.”

NUMB

Last week I went to my hometown with a happy feeling for my friend wedding party. But it wasn’t the happy or best weekend… it was the worse nightmare. The wedding party was great with a hot atmosphere.

Is it true that love is at the heart of obedience?
That day, my parents asked me to do something beyond my limit, something that rock my belief… rock my life… made me wondering… were you really my parents?

I felt trapped. My mom came to me that night, said “I’m sorry”. Then I said, “Sorry for what?” And she began to explain what they wanted me to do. I asked, “Why?” She just said that she also did this thing when she was young. I asked, “Must I do this???” And she said, “Yes, please do it for us.”

I was confused. I asked my friend, what would you do when your love one ask you to do something that you can’t do… something beyond your limit… something that will change you world, something against your belief… She said that she will discuss it and find a better solution. But I couldn’t do that, I’m too weak… maybe because I love my parents too much, no matter what they have done… I owe my life to them.

I did everything to make my parents happy. I took the second degree, I agreed to their married arrangement (even though I failed you), I support the family with every money I have… now you asked and forced me to do this?

So, I finally did what they asked me to do. I felt so devastated, so embarrassed, so sad. How could they, in the name of love, asked me to do this? Why can they love me for who I am? Why can they respect me as a human who has the right to speak and act on my own? Did you ashamed of me? Am I that embarrassing?

I hope my parents realize how much I love them, how much I respect them. I can’t forgive my self for doing it. I did something against my religion and my belief. I felt so low and filthy.

For all parents in the world, love your children with all your heart… with everything you have… don’t force them to do something they don’t wish to do… just support them in every way.

I felt so numb.

(Picture source from - http://www.newsweek.com/id/78178)

In My Heart

For the Easter Night Mass, our choir will be singing this song. For me, this song is very beautiful. Check out its lyric:

IN MY HEART
by Bukas Palad
Written by Manoling

REFRAIN:
In my heart I know my Savior lives
I can hear Him calling tenderly my name
Over sin and death He has prevailed
In His glory, in His new life we partake

I know He lives as He has promised
For me He's risen that from fear I may be free
Not even death can separate me
From Him whose love and might remain in me (REFRAIN)

For I have seen and touched Him risen
To all the world will I proclaim His majesty
With joy I sing to tell His story
That in our hearts may live His memory (REFRAIN)

And all the earth shall bow before Him
His blessed name all will adore on bended knee
His truth shall reign, so shall His justice
In Christ, my Savior, let all glory be (REFRAIN)

CODA:
In my heart I know my Savior lives
In His glory, in His new life we partake

Source - http://www.bukaspalad.com/pages/songs.php?action=lookup&id=54

Money

I just don't understand how people adore money. Have to admin that everyone need money especially in this time of crisis. We work extra hard just to earn more money. The more money we have, the more expenses...

Today, I got offended by someone regarding money. I try to balance my income and my expenses, yet still trying to make everyone happy. So here is a view of my expenses: 1/3 of salary goes to my mom, another 1/3 goes to my health assurance and my motorcycle. Finally I only have 1/3 to spend it for my self but I spend it to my cousin's education fee, house daily supply, house monthly supply, telephone bill, water bill... At the end... I've nothing less for my self even for saving. Stupid isn't it?

This money matter become a huge disaster at home. Each time we spoke about it... each time we hurt each other. I really hate to discuss this topic, I do. Why do they always want more money??? I realize... no matter how much i give, it will always be insufficient. Jesus, why is it so hard???

I know that running away is not a great solution, yet I want to do it now... at this very moment!!!

Note of Love

Yesterday I found this in my friend's note at Facebook. I think this is a beautiful note about love. Wish that everyone will be able to find this kind of love...

I love you
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;

I love you
For putting your hand Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,

And for drawing out Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find

I love you
Because you are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple.

Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good.
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.

You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all...

(by Roy Croft)

Time

A week ago my friend make a compilation of her childhood photos. This activity makes me realize how time goes by. As I opened my childhood photo albums, the memory came flash back to me. I realize how time goes by so quickly. It makes me what to explore more about time.

That Sunday I read a review of a movie and the first quote is:
And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years (by Abraham Lincoln).

How do we live our life? It doesn't matter if we move forward or backward, the essential is how we fill our life. We can choose to be happy or sad.... Here is a quote: There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So, work like you do not need money, love like you never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching!. Live a happy life.

Another thought on time is how we can relate time with destiny and our vulnerability against it. How can we fight time? How can we arrange each coincident? We never be able to avoid our destiny and at the end we have to let go.

Manage our time and use it wisely!