Song: I Told You So - Carrie Underwood

One day when you share what song I like at the moment with my best friend, Grace told me that she loves this song - I Told You So by Carrie Underwood. As I listened to the song at her blackberry, I knew right away why she like the song. I don't have the privilege to tell the story here but you will know as you read the lyric of the song.

This song tells me about a relationship when one have to go to pursue his/her dream and left. He/she finally realized that he/she still love their boy/girl friend and asking for second chance. What would you do if you are facing the situation? Would you laugh and tell the person: " I told you some day you come crawling back and asking me to take you in"? Here is the video clip and lyric:

I TOLD YOU SO

by Carrie Underwood ft. Randy Travis

Suppose I called you up tonight

And told you that I love you

And suppose I said I wanna come back home

And suppose I cried and said I think I've finally learned my lesson

And I'm tired of spending all my time alone

If I told you that I realized you're all I ever wanted

And it's killing me to be so far away

Would you tell me that you love me too

And would we cry together

Or would you simply laugh at me and say

I told you so

Oh, I told you so

I told you someday you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in

I told you so

But you had to go

Now I've found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again

If I got down on my knees and told you I was yours forever

Would you get down on yours too and take my hand

Would we get that old time feeling

Would we laugh and talk for hours

The way we did when our love first began

Would you tell me that you've missed me too

And that you've been so lonely

And you've waited for the day that I returned

And we'd live and love forever

And that I'm your one and only

Or would you say the tables finally turned

Would you say I told you so

Oh, I told you so

I told you someday you'd come crawling back and asking me to take you in

I told you so

But you had to go

Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again

Now I found somebody new and you will never break my heart in two again

Lesson of Life: My Lovely Papa

Dec 16, 2012

To my lovely papa:

I miss your warm smile

I miss your morning text

I miss your voice

I miss your kiss

I miss your hug

I miss everything about you, papa :'(

Thank you for loving me unconditionally

Thank you for giving me the best education

Thank you for being there when I was down

Thank you for pushing me to reach more

Thank you for everything, papa

I wish I could turn back the time to tell you this :'(

I really love you, papa
N loves R very very very much
I still need you, papa

You were a great father to me

Rest in peace, my lovely papa :'(

Love: Love Letter of Beethoven

After watching the unity of Laura and Dennis's love I remember about a love letter. This love letter was written by Beethoven and I knew this love letter from the movie Sex and the City. In that movie, the last 3 sentences become the wedding vow "ever thine, ever mine, ever ours". Here is Beethoven's Immortal Beloved letter:

"Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, now and then joyfully, then sadly, waiting to learn whether or not fate will hear us - I can live only wholly with you or not at all - Yes, I am resolved to wander so long away from you until I can fly to your arms and say that I am really at home with you, and can send my soul enwrapped in you into the land of spirits - Yes, unhappily it must be so - You will be the more contained since you know my fidelity to you. No one else can ever possess my heart - never - never - Oh God, why must one be parted from one whom one so loves. And yet my life in V is now a wretched life - Your love makes me at once the happiest and the unhappiest of men - At my age I nedd a steady, quiet life - can that be so in our connection? My angel, I have just been told that the mailcoach goes every day - therefore I must close at once so that you may receive the letter at once - Be calm, only by a clam consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours"

So, what do you think of this love letter? For me, this love letter showed how big the man's love. How happy to be able to love and to be loved like that? This entry is dedicated for Laura & Dennis... Congratulation on your wedding. May your love for one another be steadfast and strong. Wishing you a wonderful journey as you build your new life together. Cheers!

Life: Teaching Again

Starting last week I teach again. This time around I am not substituting for my boss. I teach again at the same university, International Business Class, so I have to use English as the language. They trusted me to teach Micro Economic. Seems that I have to study a lot about this subject because this is the third time I teach Economic. Somehow I like this subject, I love teaching. It's not about the money, it's about sharing knowledge to others.

First complain from my students: "Miss, you talk too fast. Can you slow down?" Haha. I have to teach the whole book - 18 chapters in only 9 weeks. OMG! How am I suppose to do that? On my first class last week, I taught 2 chapters, with 70 pages of power point slides in 100 minutes. How to be able to speak slowly when I felt I have so little time to explain it? Haha. So sorry my students, next time I try to be more slowly.

This time around, no international exchange student. All of them are from here. So, sometimes they asked question in Bahasa. It's OK. Although I am worrying the test because I can sense that their English is not that good. I don't mind of wrong vocabulary, I worry more on how they can express or explain my question in English. They already asked for an open book test. This kind of test only can be done if the question seek more to individual opinion. I wonder if they can do it. Just wish for the best for them. I wish I can be a good lecturer for them.

Picture source: schools.woboe.org

Song: Pero Me Acuerdo De Ti

One morning in search of an old song, I suddenly remember a song by Christina Aguilera called "Pero Me Acuerdo De Ti". I love this song when I saw the video clip for the first time yet I never understand the meaning of the song. After I found the song, I searched for its lyric and got surprise by the meaning of the lyric. It reflects my feeling so damn well. 

Pero Me Acuerdo De Ti / But I Remember You

By Christina Aguilera

Ahora que ya mi vida se encuentra normal / now that my life is normal (stable)
Que tengo en casa quien suena con verme llegar / someone at home is dreaming about me
Ahora puedo decir que me encuentro de pie / now I can say that I find myself standing
Ahora que me va muy bien / now that i'm doing very well

Ahora que con el tiempo logre superar / now that with time I was able to overcome
Aquel amor que por poco me llega a matar / that love that almost managed to destroy me (kill me)
Ahora ya no hay mas dolor / now there is no more pain
Ahora el fin vuelvo a ser yo / now finally I can be myself again

Pero me acuerdo de ti / but I remember you
Y otra vez pierdo la calma / and again I lose my calm (peace)
Pero me acuerdo de ti / but I remember you
Y se me desgarra el alma / and my soul gets torn
Pero me acuerdo de ti / but I remember you
Y se borra mi sonrisa / and my smile is erased
Pero me acuerdo de ti / but I remember you
Y mi mundo se hace trizas / and my world becomes shattered

Ahora que me futuro comienza a brillar / now that my future is starting to shine
Ahora que me han devuelto la seguridad / now that my confidence has returned
Ahora ya no hay mas dolor / now there is no more pain
Ahora al fin vuelvo a ser yo / now finally i can be myself again

**repeat, see above**

Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y otra vez pierdo la calma
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y se me desgarra el alma
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y se borra mi sonrisa
Pero me acuerdo de ti
Y mi mundo se hace trizas

Journey: Schengen Visa

This November my boss and coworker have to go to Italy, this trip has been planned since August 2012. I am in charge of their itinerary and accommodation  I have prepare to handle this trip but I found many things in my way. So, this is my experience in getting Schengen Visa. 

First Stop. I booked the airline tickets. This is not easy cause my boss kept changing his itinerary. Finally when he made up his mind, I booked the tickets. The cheapest airline to Europe from here is Emirates, so Emirate it is.

Second Stop. I have to apply for Dubai Visa as they wanted to visit Dubai for several day. Dubai Visa is easy to apply. I found the form at DVPC website, filled it and prepared the necessary documents requested. For Dubai Visa, I don’t have to give the original passport. So, while applying for Dubai, I can apply for Italy. The requirements for Dubai Visa can be found at www.dubaivisa.net. Dubai Visa – DONE!

Third Stop. I booked the hotel. Why I book the hotel now, cause it is a requirement for the Italy / Schengen Visa. The only problem was, the Embassy is asking for the confirmation from the hotel. So, here is a trick, book the hotel thru a travel agent. The travel agent will issued the hotel voucher but not yet “issued”. Ask them to help you for the visa, they will understand. Some hotel, such as at Bologna & Modena, our supplier has provided. They helped us with the confirmation letter as well.

Fourth Stop. In applying Italian Visa, you have to make an appoint first. The requirements are easy to collect but not as easy as I thought. You can apply at 2 places: Italian Embassy or via VFS – Italy Center. At the Embassy the process take shorter time. Since I can’t make the appointment at the Embassy earlier, so I chose VFS.

The problem arouse as my boss have to go to Japan 3 weeks before Italy. So I can’t apply the schengen visa earlier as I expected. The other problem arouse as my coworker passport will expired in 3 months, so he has to renew it. Perfect! I applied the visa just 2 weeks before the departure date.

The appointment was made at VFS, the form & all requirements are complete. Another problem arouse… I am applying for tourism visa with company support. They rejected it. Company support can’t apply for tourism, it has to be business visa. Business visa require an invitation letter from Italy. Aiyo! My time was short and I have to get the invitation letter from our supplier. We force the VFS to accept our documents with a promise to send the invitation letter as soon as possible.

We contacted our supplier and got the invitation letter from 3 suppliers in 2 days time. The invitation letter must be supported by their business licence too. We forwarded it directly to the Embassy.

Departure date -1. VFS stated that the Embassy hasn't got the invitation yet. OMG! I rushed and checked my email and detected the attachment files are big. I guess that’s the reason why the Embassy can’t received it. So, I re-sized the document and sent it to the Embassy. They were supposed to leave at Nov 4. The agricultural exhibition was started at Nov 7

Departure date +1. The visa hasn't issued. I really didn't know what to do. Until my coworker called the Italian supplier and asked them to call the Embassy directly to ask about the Visa. Mr. Villani - one of our supplier called and the Embassy answered him with an email stating the visa can be picked up tomorrow.

Departure Date.. I called my coworker to picked up the passport & visa at VFS in the morning. Also asked her to buy the Euro Train Pass for both of them in the afternoon. I have to reschedule the tickets and hotels only in 8 hours. They finally left at Nov 7 – 00:15 am and reached Rome at 12:35 pm on the same date.

It felt like doing a miracle. The tension rise as my boss requested longer stay and I have to re-book the hotel. When the tension rise, I wrote status on my Facebook: “You want me to create a miracle? Am I God?” With His help, I can do the miracle. Thank you, Lord! In 8 hours, everything was set. It's a huge relief to be able to fly them to Rome. 

Picture: wikiembassy.org

PS: I Still Love You

One day I looked at my Facebook page and I saw a picture, a blue paper with a text, PS: I still love you. It really struck me. I really wish I can that words to someone I wish I can say it by looking at his eyes.... "I still love you"

Last Oct 27 was suppose to be my wedding day. That day I looked back on every memories I have of him. I looked at his pictures, our pictures, his videos, everything! When I looked back, I can feel how much he loved me. Those videos are the proof of his love. So, what happened to us? Where were those love? I really don't know what went wrong.

That night I received a news of my aunt. She passed away on Oct 27, after suffering brain cancer for so long. This news was a big hit to our family even though we have prepared for this moment, but we never prepared enough. The news still hit us badly. After her funeral I realized something!

God's plan is unknown. I asked myself... Is this His way of showing me that I should not marry on that day? Is this His way of showing that I love the wrong person all this time? I can feel He tried to wake me up and said "let him go, he isn't the one". For all this time I always pray that I love the right man in the right way but God and the universe show me the other way around.

If this is Your way, Lord, then help me to erase this love and let him go for good.

Picture: www.facebook.com

Health: First Cycle

Norelut has done its job well, I didn't get my menstrual for the last 4 months. This drug made me a bit chubby, I gained 1 kilograms each month, my weight now is around 56 - 57 kilograms. More fat than before but a lot said I look much better, more life, not pale anymore. Good choice of drug, doctor!

This week I am having my first menstrual cycle after the surgery. Since Norelut last tablet, I am having a little bleeding for 3 days and then the real menstrual. I don't expect the menstrual to be painful as it used to be but I am wrong. The first day, I felt out of energy. Second day, the pain started to kick.  I took paracetamol again, 3 times a day. This morning the stomach hurt very much. It hits the gastric problem that I have. I can no longer stand paracetamol. This facts hurt cause I don't know another painkiller that safe for my stomach... 

I thought I have removed my pain by the surgery. I am wrong, it came back again. Maybe I should just remove the whole womb and stop the menstrual cycle / having early menopause? I really don't know... May the next cycle be lighter in pain...

Picture source:
http://www.fhi360.org/en/RH/Pubs/Network/v17_1/nt1712.htm

In Loving Memory of Auntie Haryanti

OCT 27, 2012

A lovely woman with a beautiful smile

A great wife with pure love and passion 

A good mother with a big heart and patient

A wonderful teacher with lovely voice and spirit

A graceful person with a strong power

Your suffering has ended, auntie Haryanti

May you rest in peace

Don't You Forget About Me - Alexandra Potter

“What would you do if you have a second chance to love him again?” This is the main question in this book.

“Tess is brokenhearted when Seb breaks up with her and can’t help blaming herself. If only she’d done things differently. If only she could make right all her regrets… But she can’t. It’s over. She has to forget about him. Drunk and upset on New Year’s Eve, she wishes she’d never met him.

But when she wakes up to discover this dream has come true, she realizes she has a chance to do it all over again. And, this time, to get it right…”

Tess is happy with the second chance she got. With the help of her diary, she tries to make things right. Instead of making things right, she turns herself into someone else, the girl that Sebastian would love. She tries so hard to fit in, she is willing to do anything to keep Sebastian by her side, like watching the movie she hates, reading a boring book, wearing things she would never wear in the first place. What a great effort!

How the story ends?

All I can say is this story has a happy ending.

What I learn from this book?

I learn that when second chance arrives for you, it means you haven’t passed the test. The present of a second chance always bring happiness at first but you have to learn again, to find yourself again.

If someone ever asks me, what will I do if I have a second chance to repeat all over again with my ex? My answer will be: I would like to know him more as a friend, not as a lover. Actually, I don’t want a second chance. What has been done is done. All I have to do is to learn my lesson. Cherish the good memories and forget the bad memories. Life goes on.

Alexandra Potter is a good author. I love the way she describe her story. This book is an easy reading, entertaining, and enriching story. I recommend everyone to read this book. I love to thank, Blue Jasmine for giving me this book. Thank You! Perfect choice of book, as always! 

Rolling In The Deep

I searched this song for sometimes and finally I got it. First time I heard it in a pub, this song was sang beautifully by the acoustic band that night. I asked around for the title and they gave me the wrong answer. Today when I went back to the office after lunch break, the radio played the song. Ah! I recognize the song immediately. This is the song... Hope you can understand why I like the song, study the lyric! Wish I could have the voice to sing it and the courage to do what the song tells me... LOL...

ROLLING IN THE DEEP

BY ADELE

There's a fire starting in my heart

Reaching a fever pitch, it's bringing me out the dark

Finally I can see you crystal clear

Go 'head and sell me out and I'll lay your ship [shit] bare

See how I leave with every piece of you

Don't underestimate the things that I will do

There's a fire starting in my heart

Reaching a fever pitch

And it's bringing me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless

I can't help feeling

We could have had it all

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

Rolling in the deep

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You had my heart inside of your hand

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

And you played it, to the beat

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

Baby, I have no story to be told

But I've heard one on you

And I'm gonna make your head burn

Think of me in the depths of your despair

Make a home down there

As mine sure won't be shared

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

The scars of your love remind me of us

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

They keep me thinking that we almost had it all

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

The scars of your love, they leave me breathless

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

I can't help feeling

We could have had it all

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

Rolling in the deep

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You had my heart inside of your hand

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

And you played it, to the beat

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all

Rolling in the deep

You had my heart inside of your hand

But you played it, with a beating

Throw your soul through every open door (woah)

Count your blessings to find what you look for (woah)

Turn my sorrow into treasured gold (woah)

You'll pay me back in kind and reap just what you sow (woah)

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

We could have had it all

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

It all, it all, it all

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

Rolling in the deep

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You had my heart inside of your hand

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

And you played it to the beat

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

We could have had it all

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

Rolling in the deep

(Tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep)

You had my heart inside of your hand

(You're gonna wish you never had met me)

But you played it

You played it

You played it

You played it to the beat.

Journey: Superstar Cruise Virgo

Another agenda from the company's birthday was to invite the loyal dealers on a cruise. This idea was being prepared since March. They chose Superstar Cruise Virgo on September 19 - 21, 2012. At first I wasn't included on this event. They asked me to join when they wanted me to be the event organizer of this event.

As the time closer to the cruise, they wanted me to be the master ceremony (MC). I tried to avoid this task cause I don't have the skill at all. As they insisted, I requested for a partner and they granted my wish. Ok, I can't avoid anymore. I started to focus on the event and the MC.

Superstar Virgo

Day 1: 19 September 2012
I have to get up super early, at 2:30am. The flight to Singapore by China Airline was at 6:05am. I have to be on the airport at 4am. The flight was on schedule and I arrived at 9:25am. The travel agent took us directly to the Harbour Front.

The ship departed on 0:30am and we must check in on 9pm, I have plenty of time to visit several place in the city before it. After my lunch I took the MRT to Orchard. I took a walk there, bought some souvenir then I went to Raffles Place. Most of the road around Raffles was being close due the F1. The government use the street for the F1 Circuit. The weather was hot with a cloudy sky. After taking several pictures there, I decided to return to Harbour Front.

All member of the cruise: the office team and the dealers from all over Indonesia gathered at Lobby C to collect the baggage and check in to the cruise. This cruise leave to Port Klang, Malaysia and then return to Singapore. 3D 2N Cruise. The passengers were many from various country. The ship capacity itself is 2000++ people. It is a big ship.

Ocean view - window cabin

I entered the ship at 10pm, directly went to my cabin 05098. I wanted to take my shower first before the meeting at the meeting room for tomorrow's meeting preparation. But... My bag has not arrived. After half an hour waiting there's a knock on the door... My bag! Finally... After the shower I rushed to "Galaxy of The Star". My team was there already and they haven't had their shower, haha.

After I arrived the travel agent and the cruise agent gathered up, we started with where to put the laptop, the screen, x-banner and banner. Unfortunately we can't do the test (sound check or screen test), cause the room will be use for a show that night. Tomorrow morning we can run the test at 7am.

We continued to the party room, "The Taverna". It located at deck 13, an open room above the swimming pool. After that we decided where the photo corner's location, the band's location, & the screen's location. It was 0:00 already, when the Taverna manager came to join and he changed all my time line for the party. My brain and eyes couldn't compromise anymore. I was too angry, they should have follow my time line yet they change it. Told them to wait until tomorrow as I reschedule all the party's time line. I entered my cabin at 1am. Could sleep at all due the changes.

Day 2: 20 September 2012
Woke up at 6am as we have to gather at Galaxy of The Star at 6:30. I ate my breakfast quickly as I made an adjustment for the party time line. The Mediterranean serve international buffet menu for breakfast. Finished with my breakfast I rushed to the meeting room. The screen test was a success and also the sound test. Everything was perfect.

 Galaxy of The Star

The Mediterranean Buffet

We were behind schedule for 20 mins. We started with one of our national anthem. My partner was very good with words, he brought the event alive. We made some changes to our time line. He made some mistake and the owner blamed me for that. Well, I can't control him on what he about to say. I only gave him a guide line on what to say but his improvement was beyond my control.

I can say that the morning meeting went pretty well. We finished on schedule. We reached our target for the meeting too. After lunch we have a gala tour and fun games. I decided not to join the event, the tour agent handle everything. I tried to catch some sleep yet the cruise management won't let me sleep. They keep announcing for emergency drill every 30 minutes. OMG! So I decide to go out to check the Taverna.

The Taverna

It was raining. We were in panic cause the Taverna is an open space. Not completely open space but if the rain heavy, we have to change place. The cruise management said no other room available so we have to go with plan B (there wasn't a plan B) haha. We arranged the room as if we have a rain. Everything was changed.

The Belly Dancer

The party started at 7:15pm with a dance. It was a good start cause the dancer took away the audience's attention. After an opening, we invited our owner for a speech and celebrate the birthday with a toast. As we asked the guests to enjoy their dinner, we gave them a belly dancer. Perfect dance to grab their attention.
The party went well. Everyone have their fun. We also rewarded several dealer with gold medal for their loyalty and fantastic achievement. As free flow beer time came, we gave away several doorprizes.
I'm glad it went well. I didn't have my dinner due the task, yet I'm so happy and relief. The chocolate time started at 10pm. I enjoyed the chocolate cakes for my dinner, haha. I went back to my cabin at 11:30pm. Again, I can't sleep! Aiyo!

Day 3: 21 September 2012
A free day to enjoy the cruise, yet due the lack of sleep for several days my mood was pretty bad. I had my brunch too late, my gastric problem started to kick. Well, I wasn't surprise cause I haven't have a good schedule on eating.

Tired!

Bella Vista

The ship docked at Singapore  12:30pm. We were gathered up at Bella Vista to collect our passport. The immigration process was long. My flight back was at 9:45pm. So, I have time to go to the city again.
I tried to go to Plaza Singapore to find green kit kat. I couldn't find one. So I went back to Harbour Front, it was raining again. Wait there until the bus pick us up to the airport. The flight got delay for 30 minutes. I arrived at 11:30pm at airport directly went home and entered my apartment at 0:30am.

So happy to meet my pillow and bed.

This is my journey with Superstar Cruise Virgo. I can't really enjoy the cruise because of my job.
Having this cruise is a dream come true. I dreamt of it since 1999. I wanted to join a cruise with my family and my parents came with me on this cruise. The funny thing is when I forget about a dream, it came true.

Don't underestimate your dream! Dream as high as you can, it will motivate your life more.

Gratitude of Having You

Thank you to those who hated me, you made me a stronger person.

Thank you to those who loved me, you made my heart bigger

Thank you to those who envied me, you made my self-esteem grow

Thank you to those who cared, you made me feel important

Thank you to those who worried, you let me know that you care

Thank you to those who left, you made me aware that nothing is forever

Thank you to those who stayed, you showed me the meaning of true friendship

Thank you to those who entered my life, you made me who I am today 

August Moment

This year my birthday celebrated by the company... LOL. This August the company I work for also celebrating its 70th anniversary and the management decided to celebrate it on my birthday. A big party for 450 people.

I was the master of ceremony on the party. It was a wonderful experience to be able to conduct the whole party. This is also a practice for upcoming event at Super Star Virgo Cruise on Sept 2012. Being a master of ceremony is not easy at all, I'm still learning till now.

Back on my birthday, I got 2 surprises. In the morning, Nit2x knocked on my door and gave me gifts & birthday cake. At night, our president director kissed me to wish me a happy birthday. I never have thought he would do that. Hey, it wasn't a kiss on the lips! Stop your dirty mind! Haha. And after the announcement of my birthday he gave me a bottle of beer and asked me to drink it to the bottom... Haha. What a birthday! I won't forget this birthday.

This year birthday was amazing. I'm surrounded by people who love me. Even some friends who I thought will not remember my birthday, they sent me prayers and wishes. God, You are awesome! Thank You for giving me this life, for giving me wonderful people to celebrate it with.

One wish for this birthday that's not come true but God gives me something better. As I quoted from Blue Jasmine wishes on her present: a happier year to look ahead, to dream about, to live on! I look forward to it.

Cheers!

Picture source: weheartit.com

How To Let Go - Eat Pray Love

Recently I re-watched the movie of Eat Pray Love on HBO. When I watched this movie for the first time, I didn't learn as much as I learn now. Especially this part below which I quote from the book. It really opens my eyes on how to let go. It is not easy at all, it gonna takes time. I, myself, still in a process of letting go. After re-watched and re-read this for sometimes, I came to my sense that this person part in my life is over. He taught me many things and I wouldn't know I could love someone like that. Now, I let it go...

Here is the part of how to let go, I hope it can enlighten the burden of the process for everyone.

"What's got you all wadded up?" he drawls, toothpick in mouth, as usual.

"Don't ask" I say, but then I start talking and tell him every bit of it, concluding with, "And worst of all, I can't stop obsessing over David. I thought I was over him, but it's all coming up again."

He says, "Give it another six months, you'll feel better."

"I've already given it twelve months, Richard."

"Then give it six more. Just keep throwin' six months at it till it goes away. Stuff like this takes time."

I exhale hotly though my nose, bull-like.

"Groceries [he calls her Groceries, how AWESOME is that?!]," Richard says, "listen to me. Someday you're gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You'll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing and you were in the best possible place in the world for it – in a beautiful place of worship, surrounded by grace. Take this time, every minute of it. Let things work themselves out here in India."

"But I really loved him."

"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dink mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries – you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing." I was actually crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of your marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that his relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby – you're just lickin' at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

"But I love him."

"So love him."

"But I miss him."

"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll be really alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot – a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with the doorway? It will rush in – God will rush in – and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."

"But I wish me and David could —"

He cuts me off. "See, now that's your problem. You're wishin' too much, baby. You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be."

The Wedding by Emma Darcy

"It was time out of time

First, Tessa discovered her fiance in bed with another woman. Then she arrived at work to discover she'd been assigned to go on a three-day conference with the managing director.

It would be a miracle if she didn't melt into a heap at his feet. If ever there was a man made for female fantasies, Blaize Callagan was it!

And if ever there was a time Tessa needed to indulge in fantasy, this was the time."

Emma Darcy is one of my favorite author and recently I read her book called The Wedding.

This book teach me a few things.

• When you want something, set your strategy and aim for it. When you face an obstacle in reaching your goal, there are two choices you can pick. First just hit it and you may got hurt. Or... You can circle around the obstacle and claim your victory. 
• Hold your principles, never give up on it cause it determine who you are. If someone really love you, he / she will respect your principles and try to fit into it. 
• Man loves challenges, so challenge them. If he really loves you, no matter how hard your challenge is, he will fulfill it. 

Nice book! Nice story! Nice lesson!

Finding The Rhythm

I'm finally living alone, really alone for the first time in my life. I wanted this since a long time ago, since I couldn't find peace at my old house with my parents. Now, I live at my own apartment, a small and comfortable place for me. The size is perfect for me. A place I call "home".

Finding the rhythm of life is a never ending process. Till now, I haven't find the perfect rhythm. My time management is not good, diving time between office hour and house work hour, also finding a time for "me" time still in a mess. A friend of mine said how difficult it is for him to do his house work in weekdays. Now I can understand the difficulty. Sometimes the work at office already tiring and it effect on the mood of doing house work. I understand now...

So far this is the time management I use: in the morning, I wake up early to prepare my breakfast, clean the bed and furniture. In the evening, I sweep and mop the floor, do the laundry (washing and ironing), and prepare my dinner.

Thanks to my mom for the frozen food she prepared for me when she comes to visit, I need no worry about my meals. Thanks to Blue Jasmine for her laundry business that help me with my laundry. Thanks to Nit2x who sometimes help me with house work. It is a pleasure to have all of you in my life.

Like I said before, finding the rhythm of life is a never ending process. I hope in the future I can find a better rhythm in life. I like my life now and really enjoy it.

My New Fragrance

I love fragrance especially sweet fragrance. My favorite smell is fruit fragrance, such as apple, strawberry, avocado and also vanilla. For perfume, I like to try many cause I haven't found a perfect one.

Till I found this one, called Pure Seduction by Victoria's Secret. Thanks to Pak Rama and Pak Iwan who gave this to me as a gift from Thailand. The fragrance is sweet and very light. The compositions as written at the bottle are red plum and freesia.

I really like it. I think I have found the one, hahaha. I can't stop smell it... It really seduce me, hahaha. Looking forward to buy the complete set of this Pure Seduction.

Once again, thank you Pak Rama and Pak Iwan.

I AM A FOOLISH

I am counting the tears I shed for you.

No matter how many lies you told,

I always choose to believe that you love me

And hope that a miracle could happen

I was stubborn to think that you love me

After all we've been through you left me

Can't you see? See the things I've done for you?

Or have you forgotten our countless trails of love?

I am a foolish for having fallen in love with someone who only knew how to love himself

Picture from: weheartit.com

The Pathology Result

It felt like a long day of waiting to see the pathology result of the surgery. Although I know about what the doctor taken out from the surgery, my fear remain the same due the CA result. My friends already tried to calm me down by showing other result which is higher than mine or by encourage me whatever the result might be I can fight it.

Grace offered her help to take the result from the hospital. When she received it she directly sought for the word no significant of malignancy. She found it and took a picture and sent the picture to me. She called me on her way to the apartment to give the good news. When she arrived at the apartment, we hugged and cried together. I knew how much she cares, she called me for hours and encouraged me when I had the CA 125 test's result. We are very glad and relief with this pathology result.

The result stated:
1. Adnexa dextra - endometriosis ovary cyst 7x4x3cm
2. Adnexa sinistra - endometriosis ovary cyst 3x2x1.5cm
3. Myoma uteri - 1.5x1x1cm

Microscopic Result:
1. Endometriosis right ovary cyst - there is no significant of malignancy
2. Endometriosis left ovary cyst -  there is no significant of malignancy
3. Myoma uteri - mitosis index 0/50HPF- there is no significant of malignancy

Now, after the pathology result the doctor start to stop my menstrual cycle with a medicine call Norelut. It is cheaper than the Endrolin I used to take. Hopefully this medicine will work, the menstrual period will stop.

The new battle has begun!

Introduction With A Spammer

A Spammer for me is someone with bad intention. There are many type of spam. In this entry I share my experience regarding spam in a person. Usually this type of spammer will introduce them self to you, seduce you, and ask you to help them with money. Have you ever got yourself tricked by them?

Recently a guy introduce himself to me via Skype. He said he is a rich guy who works at oil drilling at sea. He insisted me to have a romantic relationship. I keep on say that it wouldn't be possible since I'm still in love with someone. Then I begin to sense the weirdness.


Question after question I asked him. I crossed the answer between questions. I can sense that he is a real spammer. Ok, I like to know a spammer deeper. So, I began to play with him. Spammer vs me... That's interesting! Hahaha

I said yes to his proposal of romantic relationship. Start to dig deeper and deeper. He made so many mistakes. I want to make him feel really awful by making mistake by mistake. Until he popped the question I've been waiting for...


"I have a problem. My daughter is suffering due lack of money. I can't transfer the money cause I'm at sea at the moment. Can you help me?"

AHA!!! Here we go...
I gave him many solutions to transfer the money. Start from paypal, internet/mobile banking, till to ask the help of his investment planner and his sister. He refused all the solutions with many reasons. So, I said to him... I can pray so God may help him. Adviced him to ask for help from the family not an outsider or someone he barely knew. Finally, I said to him... "When you reach land, please also transfer me some money." Hahahaha! Naughty me!

What a nice experience! This year my experiences are colorful. Start from meeting the love of my life after 1.5 years in LDR, got engaged for 72 hours, until the surgery. Wow! Looking forward for the next experience.

Bye bye Mr. Spammer :-)

Picture source:
http://brainsplats.wordpress.com/2012/04/03/spammer-jobs-and-daft-spam/

Because I've Loved by You

Because I've loved by You
(Karna aku Kau Cinta)

Surgery Chronology

I finally made up my mind to undergo the surgery. The support from family, friends and others gave me an extra courage to made this decision. A deeper surrender that God whisper to me hit me at the right moment, I have no longer objection toward the surgery.

July 3rd, 2012
I entered the hospital this day with my parents and Grace. I chose the lower class for the lower cost. Even though the health insurance cover up the cost, there will be exceed cost that I have to pay. The room filled with 7 beds but only 3 occupied. I got bed no 1.

At the afternoon many friends came to visit and we also prayed together. Grace and Nit2x stayed with me til 11PM. They wanted to stay for the stomach cleansing process. I don't like this process at all. The nurse tried in every way to clean the stomach. Started with pills, gliserine, and water. The painful one was when they put the glycerine and water from my rectum. The result wasn't good.

July 4th, 2012
The surgery started at 8AM but the nurse woke me up at 4AM to repeat the stomach cleansing process. Oh God, I said. Again, it failed. So the nurse decided to gave tampon inside my rectum. Trust me, it was awful. My family came at 6AM together with some friends. We prayed together. The nurse brought me to the surgery room at 7AM. After the anesthetic, I couldn't remember a thing.

My parents said the surgery ended at 10:30. I was returned to my room at 2PM. I was awake around 4PM when the visiting hours start. I wasn't completely awake so I can't recognize friends who came. I knew there were many of them but couldn't remember. The anesthetic effect still on.

July 5th, 2012
I woke up early, around 3AM. The nurse showed me what the doctor took from the surgery. The figure wasn't clear as the water wasn't clear. My dad said the doctor remove the right ovary, the left ovary is still on its place, but there's a myoma on the left ovary. The doctor also remove the ovary myoma.

The doctor came early to check on me. He confirmed what my dad said. He also said that the cyst on the right ovary "ate" the ovary, till it became broken. There was no way to save the right ovary. He also said the right ovary function is 3/4 due the myoma but I still can have period and a chance to have a child.

July 6th,2012
This morning I had a fever. I decided to go home today. The nurse said I may not go home if my fever remain high. So I tried my best to reduce the fever. My dad handled the payment and the admin for my release. The health insurance covered 6.4 while the total cost is 11.3. So, we still have to pay the rest.

I went  home around 7PM, I manage to get the fever down. I lost my appetite and my head was very heavy when I go home. I insisted to go since I don't really like to stay at the hospital, the bed, the food, everything seemed awful. I didn't want to stay any longer, 4 days is enough. 

That's the chronology of my surgery. I will update with the picture when the pathology result come up. No matter what comes up at the pathology report, I just want to say that I am grateful, thankful, and blessed.


Thanks to my parents, dr. Budiyo Santosa SpOG, Pastor Pikor SVD, Mr and Mrs Budi Santosa, Mr Prawita, Mrs Ratna Osis, Nit2x, Grace, Siska, Imelda, Rika for actually being there, for praying all the time, and for financial support. You're my angels without wings. 

Thank you to friends and colleagues which I can't mention one by one. Thank you for you support. May God return your favor abundantly. I'm blessed to have you in my life.

Thank You, Jesus for the strength, for the success on the surgery, and especially for giving me a chance to have a child with my left ovary. You still give me a chance, I am so happy. You are My Savior, My Wonderful and Powerful God, Jesus. Your love and miracle never ends in my life. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You...  

Miracles

Never give up...
Miracles happen everyday...

Yours

I am Yours
Everything I have is from You
I surrender...

Surgery or Not???

These last 2 months have been the greatest struggling. I have to go to the hospital many times due the endometriosis, my condition is getting worse. I depend on pain killer very much now days. Afraid that my body will become immune to the pain killer. Can't take another mefenamic acid, solely depend on paracetamol which in long term of usage will destroy my stomach, kidney and heart

My parents asked to have a surgery to remove everything (womb, cyst, ovary). This kind of surgery will bury my dream of marriage and having a child. As I studied more and more, I am not ready to do this. The alternative medicine will take a lot of time, while the pain gets increase every month. A lot of things in my mind right now. The possibility of cancer and hysterectomy haunt me every day.

God, I really don't know what to do. Surgery or not? Can you answer this one question for me please, God?

Picture source:
http://www.peninsuladeanery.nhs.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=474&Itemid=858

Thought It Seems Forgotten

Forgetting is not easy. No matter how hard I try these last 4 months, I still can't forget you. I am a fool to love you like this. Thought it seems forgotten, your face still haunts me everyday. I still call your name every night. Why is it so hard to forget you? Is it because I love you too much? Oh...how can I be so stupid... I should have forgotten you. 


Please stop, please forget him...


This song and video below really reflects my deepest feeling. Study the lyrics carefully, then you can see my love, my pain... 

House Warming Gifts

The order to move out by June was made. The final decision was moving the dog to my hometown. With this decision, I can stay at my own apartment and start from May 31st I moved to the apartment.


The moving process wasn't as simple as I expected, with the previous illness I have very limited time to pack, move and unpack again. Thanks to my wonderful best-friends, I made it through. Big thanks to Nit2x, Blue Jasmine, and Grace for helping me. I owe you girls...


The living so far is great. I enjoy being at my own "home", I love the fact that this is my own. I bought it with my work. Thanks God for this. Another blessing in life that I should be grateful for... Being able to buy this apartment is a miracle.


I'm also grateful for the house warming gifts. Even though I didn't held a house warming party, my best-friends gave me many stuffs. You're my angel without wings. Thank you so much to:

Nit2x for the plates, clock, and coffee set:

Imelda for the placemat and kitchen towel:

Grace for the lamp:

Siska for the picture frame:

Rika for the electric kettle and grip lamp changer:

Wow! It's amazing to have you, girls! Thank you! May God always bless you abundantly.
Sorry for the blur picture, my blackberry camera is not that good. 


For other gifts that I don't mention here, I really thank you for it. 
My life is blessed to have such wonderful friends, I won't change you for anything... 

Make You Feel My Love

I felt so devastated by your accusation for not loving you, mi amor. You are wrong. I love you unconditionally and I still love you... See, how stupid I am? Well I hope you can find the love you want one day. Cause I have found it when you came to me, no need to search for another love. Even though I don't know why such a big love can end like this, I just want to say "thank you for crossing the oceans for me". 


Wish I have the chance to prove my love to you, but it wouldn't make any difference now... cause you don't want my love. This song is for you, honey! Thank you! 

Make You Feel My Love

by Adele

When the rain is blowing in your face,

And the whole world is on your case,

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love.

When the evening shadows and the stars appear,

And there is no one there to dry your tears,

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love.

I know you haven't made your mind up yet,

But I would never do you wrong.

I've known it from the moment that we met,

No doubt in my mind where you belong.

I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,

I'd go crawling down the avenue.

No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret.

Though winds of change are blowing wild and free,

You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.

Nothing that I wouldn't do.

Go to the ends of the Earth for you,

To make you feel my love

To make you feel my love

One & Only

Just heard this beautiful song and fall in love with it right away. I dedicate this song for someone. I dare you, mi amor!

"I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove that I'm the one who can
Walk that mile until the end starts"

Watch the video below:

One And Only

By Adele

You've been on my mind

I grow fonder every day,

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

God only knows

Why it's taken me so long

To let my doubts go

You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind

You hang on every word I say

Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name

Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?

And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You'll never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

(Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learned it)

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

Come on and give me a chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts. 

ER Again and Again

As I regularly take birth control pills, I expect the pain of menstrual will be less. I was completely wrong. This month menstrual pain is worst then ever!

It started on Sunday (20/5), with no pain but strong headache. Monday (21/5) the stomach started to kick. I decided not to go to work and rest. I took Panadol Menstrual to help with the pain. Tuesday (22/5) the pain were getting worse. The upper stomach kicked too. So I took medication for gastric problem along with the paracetamol. I felt a bit better but still not going to work that day.

Wednesday (23/5), I went to the office like usual with a promise to myself if my condition gets worse, I should go home directly. I survived to work a day. Thursday (24/5), another usual office day. I took my medication as usual, the menstrual already over. But that afternoon the gas on my stomach started to growled. I ate my lunch on time, but I forget to take the gastric medicine. OMG! The pain was unbearable! Then I took the wrong step! I took mefenat acid when the gas was high without gastric drug.

At 11PM Thursday, I can't stand, the stomach was in big pain. Each position I tried cause the pain more and more. I couldn't bear it. After trying to survive, I finally agreed to my friend to go to ER. At nearer hospital, the ER wasn't crowded. They immediately took care of me. They injected me with 2 types of drug for the pain and the gas. The first needle broke my vein. So the nurse seek another vein to inject the medicine. When she finally able to inject the drug, it felt so painful. I went home after an hour there. I couldn't sleep that night. The gas still high, the pain didn't disappear.

In the morning (Friday, 25/5), I went back to the hospital, directly seeking for an internist. He examined me very well, ordered for blood test and full abdominal USG. I rest at ER again and they gave me pain killer.
The result from USG showed the internal part was in good health (pancreas, kidney, heart, bladder) except for the uterus. Right ovary showed a cyst of 7cm x 4cm. He even suspected for another cyst on the left ovary. The blood test result showed I'm lack of hemoglobin and the size of my red blood is somehow smaller than the normal size. Oh God, what is happening to me?

The doctor gave me antibiotic for the stomach and a medicine for gas reduction. The doctor said if the gas still high, I must rest at the hospital for further examination. He gave several restriction in food to prevent higher gas level. The only problem is how to increase the hemoglobin. Iron will increase the gastric, so I can't take any iron... Oh... What to do, what to do???

Today (27/5), the gas is under control but the pain from the cyst remind there. I can stand on my own although sometimes the lack of hemoglobin makes me dizzy. I wish I can make the pain from cyst disappear. I asked my friend who is a doctor and she said all pain killer will give an effect on the stomach. So far the gas still under control.

I'm aware that the size is big enough to undergo the surgery. But I am afraid of another surgery. I'm afraid that my dream of having a child will disappear.

Dear God, what should I do?





Special thanks to Nit2x for forcing me to go to the hospital, to Grace and Imel for being there with me.

Picture source:
http://what-is-endometriosis.net/endometriosis-pain-what-causes-it/

A Unique Way to Propose

As a woman, I have a dream about how I want to be propose. The dream is very standard, the man gets down on his knee, show a ring, and say... "will you marry me?". Nothing special about this dream. The last time a man proposed me, he didn't bring a ring, not on his knee either... LOL... Wait, probably I was mistaken... It wasn't a proposal... it was in the past, it got cancel anyway. So never mind....

Anyhow, this video showed a unique way to propose. I like the way this man propose. Plus the background music (A Thousand More by Christina Perri), perfect choice! I hope the couple always be together till the end, always put love above anything else, always hold each other hand in good time and bad time. Cheers to Tim and Audrey! Your video inspire me on how a man should treat his woman, how a man should make his wedding proposal.

wish to be propose this way one day (crossed my fingers...)

Welcoming Baby Renata

What a wonderful gift to my little brother and sister, on their first anniversary, they are blessed with a baby girl.

Maria Renata Aditya 

Born May 22nd, 2012, 3:53AM, 3kgs, 50cm. Congratulation Dhian & Ita on bringing this beautiful life into this world!

Welcome to the world, my lovely niece. Auntie loves you!

Who Would Come for You?

Two days ago I asked my friend to help me move some of my stuff to the apartment. On her way to my house, she hit a motorcycle. The victims were two women, a mother and a daughter. The mother, the one who drove the motorcycle wounded bad enough and the daughter's teeth broken. My friend already near my house and she called me, asked for my help.

She told me, when she turned left, she didn't see that was a motorcycle on her left. She admit that she didn't turn on the light sign to turn but she already checked the window mirror and the middle mirror. It was a "blind spot". 

The first time she called and told about the accident, I got so panic. Because in my country sometimes the people at the accident spot become brutal. She is very small and by herself, if the people hits her... I couldn't imagine how she can survive. Lucky for her that the people didn't judge her, as I came to meet her, the victims already at her car. I saw her shaking and nervous but I can't replace her to drive as I can't drive. So I pointed out the direction to her to the nearest hospital.

I brought the victims to the ER. The mother started to have difficulty in breathing. So the doctor requested for a thorax photo. The thorax photo showed no broken bone, no internal bleeding (Thanks be to God). The difficulty to breathe probably because she was hit by her motorcycle. Well, the motorcycle fell upon her. We are glad that everything was alright. Everyone got medical treatment. My friend covered the medical cost and the motorcycle service cost.

The family was a good family, they didn't make any sue against my friend. Although the neighbors who came at the hospital, made us uncomfortable by demanding to support this family as the mother can't go to work after the accident. I was afraid that something like this would happen. I tried to call my brother earlier to come to help us but he refused to come. I called my parents too, but they were not in town. We have no man on our side. My friend already called her family and no one showed up to help her too. This situation made me wonder...

"WHO WOULD COME FOR YOU IN AN EMERGENCY SITUATION?"

I am very lucky to be surrounded by good people. At least my friends are there to help me, even though most of them are woman. It is a good question for everyone... (think hard)... who would come for you in an emergency situation? The one who come for you is the one who care for you. You should keep them in your life.

Special thanks to Nit2x, Blue Jasmine, Grace and Imelda... for being there with me (in any situation of my life).

Picture source:
http://www.123rf.com/photo_8579069_an-image-of-a-motorcycle-accident-with-a-car.html