NUMB

Last week I went to my hometown with a happy feeling for my friend wedding party. But it wasn’t the happy or best weekend… it was the worse nightmare. The wedding party was great with a hot atmosphere.

Is it true that love is at the heart of obedience?
That day, my parents asked me to do something beyond my limit, something that rock my belief… rock my life… made me wondering… were you really my parents?

I felt trapped. My mom came to me that night, said “I’m sorry”. Then I said, “Sorry for what?” And she began to explain what they wanted me to do. I asked, “Why?” She just said that she also did this thing when she was young. I asked, “Must I do this???” And she said, “Yes, please do it for us.”

I was confused. I asked my friend, what would you do when your love one ask you to do something that you can’t do… something beyond your limit… something that will change you world, something against your belief… She said that she will discuss it and find a better solution. But I couldn’t do that, I’m too weak… maybe because I love my parents too much, no matter what they have done… I owe my life to them.

I did everything to make my parents happy. I took the second degree, I agreed to their married arrangement (even though I failed you), I support the family with every money I have… now you asked and forced me to do this?

So, I finally did what they asked me to do. I felt so devastated, so embarrassed, so sad. How could they, in the name of love, asked me to do this? Why can they love me for who I am? Why can they respect me as a human who has the right to speak and act on my own? Did you ashamed of me? Am I that embarrassing?

I hope my parents realize how much I love them, how much I respect them. I can’t forgive my self for doing it. I did something against my religion and my belief. I felt so low and filthy.

For all parents in the world, love your children with all your heart… with everything you have… don’t force them to do something they don’t wish to do… just support them in every way.

I felt so numb.

(Picture source from - http://www.newsweek.com/id/78178)