May 28, 2012

ER Again and Again

As I regularly take birth control pills, I expect the pain of menstrual will be less. I was completely wrong. This month menstrual pain is worst then ever!

It started on Sunday (20/5), with no pain but strong headache. Monday (21/5) the stomach started to kick. I decided not to go to work and rest. I took Panadol Menstrual to help with the pain. Tuesday (22/5) the pain were getting worse. The upper stomach kicked too. So I took medication for gastric problem along with the paracetamol. I felt a bit better but still not going to work that day.

Wednesday (23/5), I went to the office like usual with a promise to myself if my condition gets worse, I should go home directly. I survived to work a day. Thursday (24/5), another usual office day. I took my medication as usual, the menstrual already over. But that afternoon the gas on my stomach started to growled. I ate my lunch on time, but I forget to take the gastric medicine. OMG! The pain was unbearable! Then I took the wrong step! I took mefenat acid when the gas was high without gastric drug.

At 11PM Thursday, I can't stand, the stomach was in big pain. Each position I tried cause the pain more and more. I couldn't bear it. After trying to survive, I finally agreed to my friend to go to ER. At nearer hospital, the ER wasn't crowded. They immediately took care of me. They injected me with 2 types of drug for the pain and the gas. The first needle broke my vein. So the nurse seek another vein to inject the medicine. When she finally able to inject the drug, it felt so painful. I went home after an hour there. I couldn't sleep that night. The gas still high, the pain didn't disappear.

In the morning (Friday, 25/5), I went back to the hospital, directly seeking for an internist. He examined me very well, ordered for blood test and full abdominal USG. I rest at ER again and they gave me pain killer.
The result from USG showed the internal part was in good health (pancreas, kidney, heart, bladder) except for the uterus. Right ovary showed a cyst of 7cm x 4cm. He even suspected for another cyst on the left ovary. The blood test result showed I'm lack of hemoglobin and the size of my red blood is somehow smaller than the normal size. Oh God, what is happening to me?

The doctor gave me antibiotic for the stomach and a medicine for gas reduction. The doctor said if the gas still high, I must rest at the hospital for further examination. He gave several restriction in food to prevent higher gas level. The only problem is how to increase the hemoglobin. Iron will increase the gastric, so I can't take any iron... Oh... What to do, what to do???

Today (27/5), the gas is under control but the pain from the cyst remind there. I can stand on my own although sometimes the lack of hemoglobin makes me dizzy. I wish I can make the pain from cyst disappear. I asked my friend who is a doctor and she said all pain killer will give an effect on the stomach. So far the gas still under control.

I'm aware that the size is big enough to undergo the surgery. But I am afraid of another surgery. I'm afraid that my dream of having a child will disappear.

Dear God, what should I do?

Special thanks to Nit2x for forcing me to go to the hospital, to Grace and Imel for being there with me.

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May 27, 2012

A Unique Way to Propose

As a woman, I have a dream about how I want to be propose. The dream is very standard, the man gets down on his knee, show a ring, and say... "will you marry me?". Nothing special about this dream. The last time a man proposed me, he didn't bring a ring, not on his knee either... LOL... Wait, probably I was mistaken... It wasn't a proposal... it was in the past, it got cancel anyway. So never mind....

Anyhow, this video showed a unique way to propose. I like the way this man propose. Plus the background music (A Thousand More by Christina Perri), perfect choice! I hope the couple always be together till the end, always put love above anything else, always hold each other hand in good time and bad time. Cheers to Tim and Audrey! Your video inspire me on how a man should treat his woman, how a man should make his wedding proposal.

wish to be propose this way one day (crossed my fingers...)
May 22, 2012

Welcoming Baby Renata

What a wonderful gift to my little brother and sister, on their first anniversary, they are blessed with a baby girl.

Maria Renata Aditya 

Born May 22nd, 2012, 3:53AM, 3kgs, 50cm. Congratulation Dhian & Ita on bringing this beautiful life into this world!

Welcome to the world, my lovely niece. Auntie loves you!

May 19, 2012

Who Would Come for You?

Two days ago I asked my friend to help me move some of my stuff to the apartment. On her way to my house, she hit a motorcycle. The victims were two women, a mother and a daughter. The mother, the one who drove the motorcycle wounded bad enough and the daughter's teeth broken. My friend already near my house and she called me, asked for my help.

She told me, when she turned left, she didn't see that was a motorcycle on her left. She admit that she didn't turn on the light sign to turn but she already checked the window mirror and the middle mirror. It was a "blind spot". 

The first time she called and told about the accident, I got so panic. Because in my country sometimes the people at the accident spot become brutal. She is very small and by herself, if the people hits her... I couldn't imagine how she can survive. Lucky for her that the people didn't judge her, as I came to meet her, the victims already at her car. I saw her shaking and nervous but I can't replace her to drive as I can't drive. So I pointed out the direction to her to the nearest hospital.

I brought the victims to the ER. The mother started to have difficulty in breathing. So the doctor requested for a thorax photo. The thorax photo showed no broken bone, no internal bleeding (Thanks be to God). The difficulty to breathe probably because she was hit by her motorcycle. Well, the motorcycle fell upon her. We are glad that everything was alright. Everyone got medical treatment. My friend covered the medical cost and the motorcycle service cost.

The family was a good family, they didn't make any sue against my friend. Although the neighbors who came at the hospital, made us uncomfortable by demanding to support this family as the mother can't go to work after the accident. I was afraid that something like this would happen. I tried to call my brother earlier to come to help us but he refused to come. I called my parents too, but they were not in town. We have no man on our side. My friend already called her family and no one showed up to help her too. This situation made me wonder...


I am very lucky to be surrounded by good people. At least my friends are there to help me, even though most of them are woman. It is a good question for everyone... (think hard)... who would come for you in an emergency situation? The one who come for you is the one who care for you. You should keep them in your life.

Special thanks to Nit2x, Blue Jasmine, Grace and Imelda... for being there with me (in any situation of my life).

Picture source:

May 17, 2012

A Humble Man

Why do I admire a humble man?
What do I seek from a humble man?

A man who works hard
A man with dignity
A man who never quit
A man of his words

A humble man strives to the best
A humble man fights for his love
A humble man stays faithful

I thought I can find it in You
I trusted You without doubt
I believed in You cause I know how You fight
I loved You unconditionally
A humble man with a fragile heart...

Wished that I fight for the right person
Prepared to sacrifice anything for You
Prayed that You'd be the one to love me forever
Hoped You hold this hands in good times and bad times

I knew You through my soul, not my eyes
I made You a lover through my heart
I didn't know... 
how You look at me, how worthy I am in Your life
but all I know...
in my limitation, wrapped with my defects
I wrote Your name in my heart
since the day we met and will never be replace nor erase

(Dedicated to a humble man whom I loved with my life

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May 15, 2012

I Miss You

I miss You when something really good happens, 
because you are the one I want to share it with.
I miss You when something is troubling me, 
because you are the only one who understands me so well.
I miss you when I laugh and cry
because I know you're the one who makes 
my laughter grow and my tears disappear.
I miss You all the time,
but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night 
and think of all the wonderful times 
we spent with each other for those were some of 
the best memorable times in my life.
May 12, 2012

In Search of A House

For all this time my family lives at a house that provided by my dad's company as his facility for certain position. We are very grateful for this blessing as for more than 20 years we live freely at that house.The time finally comes for us to move from the house as my dad relocation to another city. The company gives us to move maximum by the end of May. I live at the house with a maid & a dog.

Actually it wouldn't be a problem for me cause I have bought an apartment, but... The apartment's rule state no pet allowed! Discussing this problem with my parents. First solution was to give the dog to my brother who rented a house. Second solution was to bring the dog to my home town to stay with my mom. Third solution was to rent another house for me and rent out my apartment.

First solution was rejected by my brother due his upcoming baby this end of May. Second solution was rejected by my mom cause the dog will limit her flexibility to travel around (she lives by herself at my home town, sometimes she travels to visit me or my dad). So, I search for a house (third solution).

In search for the house, wow! It wasn't easy at all. Looking at the ads in the newspaper, asking friends help, searching at the internet, driving around the neighborhood (thanks to Blue Jasmine, Nit2x, Dominick, Wena, Yung Fat, Pak Estiko, Pak Frans and Ce Ira ) ... I think I've done everything. I visited the houses, some has a very bad condition, only a few has good condition. As for a bad condition, I really couldn't believe that there are many houses being abandon with such condition. The price of a house isn't cheap at all, why do they leave it like that? (Wondering....)

The final decision has not being made yet. This problem gives me a lot of stress. Finally found a nice house with a affordable and reasonable price but my parents start to have another thought. (Sigh!...) One minute they said okay, rent the house. Another minute they said they want to bring the dog to home town. Gosh! When will they make up their mind?

Right now, I just wish that I have enough money to buy a house and the problem will be solve. Harry Potter... I think I need your magic wand... LOL...

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May 11, 2012

I Kicked You Because I Love You

This time of my life, I felt like God kick me very hard to the left, to the right... Start from the endometriosis, the order to empty the current house, the urge to find a new house, the financial situation. I don't want to complaint, I just wish that I can be strong enough to go through this phase. Sometimes I felt so low.. so powerless but outside I have to be strong.

As I reflect this situation suddenly I remember this verse below:

Proverbs 3:12 - because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in
This verse said that God disciplines those He loves in many ways. I might not like the way He disciplines me cause sometimes it painful and hard. Yet I know that He has a good plan for me, a plan of welfare and happiness. God used this situation to change me. Even when I don't know why something bad happened, I know God has the power to use it for good.

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

May 05, 2012

Just Take My Heart

The other day I went to Kirkos Bar & Restaurant with friends and one of them sing this song, Just Take My Heart by Mr. Big. I really like the lyric and melody of the song. Somehow it represent what I feel right now. Thanks to Viona for singing the song.

(play above video, please)

It's late at night and neither one of us is sleeping
I can't imagine living my life after you're gone
Wondering why so many questions have no answers
I keep on searching for the reason why we went wrong

Where is our yesterday
You and I could use it right now
But if this is goodbye

Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you, but you're too hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go

Here we are about to take the final step now
I just can't fool myself, I know there's no turning back
Face to face it's been endless conversation
But when the love is gone you're left with nothing but talk

I'd give my everything
If only I could turn you around
But if this is goodbye

Just take my heart when you go
I don't have the need for it anymore
I'll always love you but you're too hard to hold
Just take my heart when you go