Long distance relationship (LDR) is a common relationship that occur due the current technology. With the fast growing internet people no longer has boundary in communication. There are email, skype, chat tool to help for better communication.
I have been in LDR twice, not saying I am an expert cause both of my relationship failed but I like to share my perspective about it.
First Experience
My parents introduced me to this guy. This guy was from my hometown which can be reach with 7 hours drive or 5 hours by train. My parents really hope this relationship to end with a wedding.
I went home each weekend just to get to know him. As I knew him, I thought I can learn to love him. So, after sometimes I said to him that I love him. My intention was to make my parents happy which turn out to be a huge mistake.
I was the only one to fight at this relationship. I was the one who went to see him every weekend while he has no intention to come to see me. I really gave my best for this one, because my parents wanted this guy. I spent my money, my time, even my health to work on the relationship.
At the end, after a long fight, he broke up with me. That time our communication was bad due some arguments. He hardly call or reply my text message. I threaten him if in 3 days he didn't respond to any of my call or text message, we are over. So, he did as I threaten him. When I called at day 4, he only said "You said if I don't call or text message you in 3 days, we are over. So, we are over!"
Second Experience
I joined a paid dating online service. It wasn't cheap for me, so I expect to find sincere and honest person here. Then I met him, a guy from a different continent, so far away.
We started with email. Then it developed into everyday chat. After sometimes... Again, I said it... I love you. I thought there's nothing wrong with saying it first, cause that's how I feel. I was in love with him. I must be very naïve!
Chat, phone call, video call, that's how we build our communication. It wasn't smooth but we made it through. Until we decided to meet face to face. Well, I have to admit that I force him to meet me face to face. I have to give this relationship a schedule, 2 years was not short and we are no longer young. We can't continue playing around with status quo indefinitely. I wanted to move on to the next step in relationship as I feel sure about him.
When I finally met him, I said to myself "this is the one". We spent wonderful week together. He proposed, we set the wedding date, we bought the ring, we planned everything. I was very happy, but my happiness didn't last long. A day after that he started to accused me with many things, which I consider to be a small matters. I remember once he said, "You should love someone for what he/she is, for simply being him/her (Love Me for What I am - by Carpenters). Age, distance, physical form won't be an obstacle." Yet, he was the one who can't love me for what I am, for simply being me. I mean if he truly loves me, he wouldn't said such things to hurt me. He finally called off everything. He cut off his communication with me. Again, I failed...
My Perspective
Long distance relationship is tough! It takes a lot of time and money. The key to the relationship is communication and trust. Long distance relationship needs a mature and wise individual. Don't try to build it when you're not ready. It will hurt you instead. Before you start long distance relationship, ask yourself this questions: are you sure about this kind of commitment, can you see yourself without him/her in the future, are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious, what are you looking to get out of the relationship?
LDR is not like regular relationship when you can meet the person you love everyday. It might be easier to a woman but difficult to a man. A man needs physical touch. A man needs more than just words. At lease that was my first experience said. I wasn't there when he needed me. (Play and listen to the video above - Almost Here by Brian McFadden). Long distance relationship for me is an almost here relationship. I said "almost here" cause you can't touch each other when you need your love one. They are there with you in words, but not in physical form. This is the hardest part of long distance relationship.
There are many successful long distance relationship. I have witness some. Probably this points will make you survive this kind of relationship:
1. Ask yourself questions I mentioned above.
2. Make an agreement on an end, you should agree on an end goal - a specific time be it a year or two.
3. Schedule communication everyday, use chatting tool and video call.
4. Schedule visit, you have to meet each other as often as you can regardless your distance.
5. Trust more, like I said the distance require big trust
I don't want to try long distance relationship again at the moment. I still need time to recover from my wound. The price of love is everything, anything! I tried my best, I gave everything. I am not regretting, I just wish I can move on. This quote below is nice to remind everyone of their decision to leave someone behind, be careful:
"One day you will ask me, which is more important... My life or yours? I will say mine and you will walk away not knowing that you are my life."
Picture source:
http://cupidblogger.com/love-the-distance-or-distance-the-love/
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