Prayer: A Father's Prayer

For this last several days I dreamed about my father and end up crying. I can't remember the dreams very much in detail but I remember what I said to him before I woke up. I said to him, "Why you go away, papa?" and when he said that he need to go, I said to him, "Please don't go, papa!" 

As I reflected my dream, I can only say that deep in my heart I haven't wholeheartedly let go of him. We live so far away, so we hardly meet. It makes the separation with him easier to bear. But the guilt of not being able to help him makes me ask those questions in my dream. We can't control our dream, I believe it solely speak the truth of our longing. 

In a deep longing for him, I opened our chat history. I read it one by one and it made me cry again. I was stunned to read one of our conversation about me asking him to pray. That time I was very sad due a broken relationship with my ex. Here is his prayer in original language: 

+ Dalam nama Bapa dan Putra dan Roh Kudus. Amin.

Ya Allah Bapa yang penuh kasih, dengan penuh keyakinan aku datang di hadapan-Mu, sambil percaya bahwa Engkau menginginkan kesejahteraan dan kebahagiaan putri kami. Penuhilah hatinya dengan Roh-Mu, sehingga ketika putri kami berhadapan dengan kesulitan dan kecemasan, ia dapat mengingat cinta-Mu yang abadi, dan percaya akan janji bahwa Engkau akan hadir bersamanya. Ya Yesus, hadirlah bersama putri kami, dan berilah ia keberanian dan kekuatan. Bunda Maria, bunda kami, jadilah pengantara untuk mendapatkan rahmat-rahmat yang sangat putri kami butuhkan saat ini dari Bapa di Surga dan dari Putra-Mu, Yesus.
Amin.

+ Dalam nama Bapa dan Putra dan Roh Kudus. Amin.

The translation of his prayer:

+ In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
O God Loving Father, with confidence I come before Thee, as I believe that You desire the welfare and happiness of our daughter. Fill her heart with your Spirit, so when our daughter deals with difficulty and anxiety, she can remember Your love is immortal, and believe in the promise that You will be with her. O Jesus, please be with our daughter, and give her courage and strength. Mary, our Mother, please be a mediator to obtain graces that our daughter need right now from the Father in Heaven and from Thy Son, Jesus.
Amen.
+ In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Oh, papa.... I really miss you... :'(

Lesson: Thank You, Lord

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!!!

I always try to reflect my year on Christmas. What I have achieved and what I have failed. I skipped last year because last year was the most heavy year of my life. I only have one wish in 2013, I wished to have a peaceful year. The Lord heard my prayer. 2013 is a peaceful year for me. I don't say that I have no problem at all. I have problems in 2013 but compare to what I have in 2012, this year is more calm and peace. 



In 2013, I rearrange my life after my father passed away. It's not easy but step by step I am getting stronger. 
I received many help, attention, and care from my friends. Their existence in my life is one of my strength. I gained more weight, I found love again, I am happy in 2013.

I would like to give thanks to the Lord for giving me a peaceful year. Thank you, Lord, for listening to my prayer and for providing what I need. Thank You for Your never ending love, Lord. You are my strength, You are my refuge. Thank You so much, Lord, thank You...

I also like to give thanks to my friends: 
Nit2x 
Thank you for supporting me in many ways and staying by my side. You are my little sister. 

IDS 
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to name your son and chose the date of his birth. Your life experience inspire me how to be strong. 

GH 
Thank you for making my dream to visit China come true and for your care about my health. You guided me when I am down, especially when my relationship with God was down. 

Blue Jasmine 
Thank you for your funny thought and careful attention. You always make me laugh and see my problem in different side

SY
Thank you for your kindness. You always make my appearance beautiful. 

TA
Thank you for always reminding me "This too shall pass".

AGN 
Thank you for loving me. You make me fall in love again when I don't want love anymore. 
I am happy. I love you.

Anna: “I don’t even know what true love is,”
Olaf: “I do! That’s when you put someone else’s needs before your own.”(Frozen, 2013, movie)

GA
Thank you for coming back to my life.You always know what I need to hear.

EC
Thank you for sharing life experience with me, opening my eyes to other's need and the beauty of countries you visited.

FS 
Who I consider as a second father. Thank you so much for your help and advice. You helped me to overcome my grieve. Thank you.

And for many other friends who I can't mention one by one. Thank you for supporting me throughout 2013. You are making me what I am today. 

Lesson to Learn:
Life is up and down. God never said life would be easy but He never left us alone. His love fulfill our need beyond our imagination. Thank You Lord, for the gift of life and for Your love in our life. "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more" - Melody Beattie

"Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift." (2 Corinthians 9:15)

Poem: Today, A Year Ago

Today, a year ago, I kissed your forehead for the last time. 

Today, a year ago, I whispered "I love you" to your ear for the last time. 

Today, a year ago, I held your hand for the last time.

Today, a year ago, I caressed your cheeks for the last time. 

Today, a year ago, I hugged you for the last time. 

Today a year ago, you passed away.

I love you, so much

I miss you, so much

Rest in peace, papa.

Gadget: OPPO FIND WAY

I've wanted to have an android phone for sometimes. But the touch screen of this type of phone somehow discourages me to buy. Until one day a friend of mine bought OPPO FIND WAY. I accompanied her to buy and tried the phone too. I didn't directly buy the phone until a month later.

My first choice was OPPO FIND PIANO because it’s cheaper. The camera is not good but the sound is good. They said like this: FIND PIANO is for those who love music, FIND WAY is for those who love photography, and FIND 5 has combination of both (music & camera). But when I went to the store, they said FIND PIANO is discontinued. Oh, darn!

I have no other choice than FIND WAY and so I bought it. I got free screen guard and orange hard case. Orange is one of my favorite colors, what a coincident. Hehehe. I've been using this phone for 2 months now. I learned how to type using touch screen, move my online game, and take many pictures with it. Haha. It’s fun. So far I really enjoy the phone. The weaknesses in this phone are the lack of external memory slot and the battery cannot be removed.  The sound isn't bad at all and the camera is perfect, 5MP in front and 8MP in the back. The price is not too expensive with such good quality. Very recommended!

Finally I have an Android phone. Thank You, Lord.

Picture source:

http://www.hnammobile.com/

Lesson: Seeing Trials from a Different Side

An old friend called me last week; it’s been awhile since our last conversation. She knows me pretty well; we often discuss many things together. She asked me about my condition after several trials last year.  Once I told her that the lost of my father was my biggest trial of 2012.

She said, “When you lost your ex, it was like your whole world seems fall apart. When you have to take the surgery and remove your ovary, you cried a lot because you felt that your hope to have a child is gone. When you lost your dad, you cried till you can’t breathe.” Then she asked me this, “Have you ever blame God for your trials?”

I never blame God for what had happened. It was hard to let go of my ex because I love him so much. It was hard to let go of my ovary, because I lost my hope to have my own child. I learn my lesson to let go. I learn to let him go because I love him. I learn to let my hope fade away because God want my ovary back. Everything I have is from God, and if God wants it back, I shall not withhold.

Then she asked again, “Have you ever think that God wanted you to experience the two events to get you ready for the next big event? I know your biggest lost is the lost of your father.”

WOW! She really had me thinking…

Why I haven’t thought this way before? I always wonder why God wants me to learn to let go 3x in a year. Did I fail to learn the lesson? Now I got my answer through my friend. God prepared me very well to be able to stand strong when I lost my father. I have to be strong for my mother who almost kills herself to be with my dad in heaven. I have to be strong for my brother, sister in law, and niece. Friends told me how strong I am to face my trials. I said to them I am not that strong.

Lesson to learn:

To let go is very hard especially to let go the one you love. Get closer to God in each trial, He will make you stronger, He will give you the strength you need to face it. Thank You, Lord. Thank you, my friends, for supporting me all the way, for opening my eyes to see a different side of my trials.

“He gives strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak.” (Isaiah 40:29)

Picture source:

www.quotes-lover.com