My long distance relationship has ended a few days ago. It was a sweet relationship that taught me many lessons. I learned that I can love again after painful relationship. I learned that I love to be loved. I learned to respect my partner, being patient, and love him unconditionally.
This relationship failed due the lack of communication and doubts. His doubts were killing me. No matter how much I want to fix this relationship if the communication and doubts remain, it won't survive. I tried and begged and fought hard for this relationship to work. I didn't care how he treated me, how he put this relationship with no future, how he rejected me, how he blocked me. I just love him and wanted so much to be with him.
It took a big courage to end this relationship, as he accused me of cheating. Cheating with another LDR, while I cannot even handle one LDR. As I stated at the first time I met him, I don't want another LDR. Yet he insisted to give another chance. I did, regardless how difficult this type of relationship. I am tired of explaining, tired of demanding, tired of accepting, tired of giving. I give up. I am letting you go as you wish when you blocked me from everything.
I remember a quote from Mother Teresa: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." His doubts hurt me so much and now the only thing left is love. Did he love me enough to overcome his doubts? I think he believes in his thought more than he loves me. I choose you, I choose to love you in silence now, where there are no more doubts.
I heard this song a few days ago. I love its lyric and I dedicate this song for you...
Tak Pernah Padam (Never Die)
by Sandy Sandoro
Senyumanmu masih jelas terkenang / Your smile still clear in my memory
Hadir selalu seakan tak mau hilang dariku / Your present won't disappear from me
Takkan mudah ku bisa melupakan / It won't be easy for me to forget you
Segalanya yang telah terjadi / Everything that has happened
Di antara kau dan aku, / Between you and me
Di antara kita berdua / Between you and me
Kini tak ada terdengar kabar dari dirimu / There is no news from you now
Kini kau telah menghilang jauh dari diriku / You have gone away from me now
Semua tinggal cerita antara kau dan aku / Only stories stay between you and me
Namun satu yang perlu engkau tahu / But one thing you should know
Api cintaku padamu tak pernah padam, / My love for you never die
Tak pernah padam / Never die
Thank you for your love, your time, your sacrifice. Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me the way I need it. Wish I can hold your hands one more time...
No comments:
Post a Comment