Feeling: Losing You

It's been more than a month since you left me. No more news from you, no more chat, no more laugh. I feel so empty inside although there are many friends around me. Why is it so difficult to forget you? Why are you always on my mind? I never thought I love you this much, but I do, yet I know you wouldn't believe me. I told my heart so many time, that I must forget you, that you never want me, that you will never fight for me. I found this poem and somehow it describes my feeling for you. I don't know the title of it... a poem by Andrei Aksana as I quote it from his book called "Senyawa":

Hatiku tidak bergeser sesenti pun

Meski jarak kamu lebarkan bermil-mil

Itulah cinta yang kamu sangsikan

Masih seperti itu

Tersimpan di situ

Hati yang dulu kamu patahkan

Tak kuberikan pada siapa pun

Di ruas-ruas hatiku tergambar peta itu

Menemukanmu

Kehilanganmu

Dan tak mungkin kembali ke KM 0

I dedicate this poem for you, I love you, still...


Picture source
www.boardofwisdom.com

Gadget: Lenovo P70-A

Finally I took a courage to buy a new phone. I bought a Lenovo P70. Actually this isn't the phone I dream of. I would like to buy Samsung A3 if I have more money. Since my money is very very limited, my option become limited too.

I have 2 options before I decide to buy this phone, Asus Zenphone 2 and Lenovo P-70. I want a bigger RAM and good camera for my new phone. I need bigger RAM because I play online game and good camera because I love to take picture. Both options provide the requirements. Both have 2GB RAM and 13MP camera and 5MP for second camera. The price is more or less the same.

As I searched for the phone, I don't like the Asus's big screen. I don't like big cellular phone. My screen should be 4" - 4.5", no more than that. Asus Zenfone 2 has 5.5" screen, too big for me. I know some would say it's good to have big screen when I play games, but to take phone call... it will be weird. There is Asus Zenphone 2 with 5" screen but... the phone has no slot for external SD Card. So, I turn to Lenovo.

My first choice of Lenovo was Lenovo S850, 5", 13MP + 5MP. But this has no slot for external SD Card. Then I found out about Lenovo P70. A coworker already have it, so I tried the phone and sought its spec. I bought it. Here are the complete spec:

OS - Android 4.4
CPU - Mediatek MT6752 (8 cores, 1.70GHz, Cortex-A53)
RAM - 2GB RAM
Memory - 16GB
GPU - MaliT760
Display - 5" IPS captive multi-touch display with a resolution of 1280 x 720 pixels
Connectivity - Blutooth, WiFi 802.11 b/g/n, WiFi hotspot
Cameras - 13MP with autofocus and LED flash as main and 5MP as secondary
Features - 2x mini SIM, microSD up to 32GB, microUSB2.0, integrated loudspeakers, 3.5 mm audio jak, FM radio
Battery - 4000mAh

I really love the spec especially with 2GB RAM, the camera, and the big battery power!!! Awesome.
So far, I love this phone. The only disappointment would be the loudspeaker, the sound wasn't good. A bit disappointed in the speaker but it's okay. Glad to have this phone.

Song: Tak pernah padam - Sandy Sandoro

My long distance relationship has ended a few days ago. It was a sweet relationship that taught me many lessons. I learned that I can love again after painful relationship. I learned that I love to be  loved. I learned to respect my partner, being patient, and love him unconditionally. 

This relationship failed due the lack of communication and doubts. His doubts were killing me. No matter how much I want to fix this relationship if the communication and doubts remain, it won't survive. I tried and begged and fought hard for this relationship to work. I didn't care how he treated me, how he put this relationship with no future, how he rejected me, how he blocked me. I just love him and wanted so much to be with him. 

It took a big courage to end this relationship, as he accused me of cheating. Cheating with another LDR, while I cannot even handle one LDR. As I stated at the first time I met him, I don't want another LDR. Yet he insisted to give another chance. I did, regardless how difficult this type of relationship. I am tired of explaining, tired of demanding, tired of accepting, tired of giving. I give up. I am letting you go as you wish when you blocked me from everything.

I remember a quote from Mother Teresa: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." His doubts hurt me so much and now the only thing left is love. Did he love me enough to overcome his doubts? I think he believes in his thought more than he loves me. I choose you, I choose to love you in silence now, where there are no more doubts.  

I heard this song a few days ago. I love its lyric and I dedicate this song for you...

Tak Pernah Padam (Never Die)

by Sandy Sandoro

Senyumanmu masih jelas terkenang / Your smile still clear in my memory

Hadir selalu seakan tak mau hilang dariku / Your present won't disappear from me

Takkan mudah ku bisa melupakan / It won't be easy for me to forget you

Segalanya yang telah terjadi / Everything that has happened

Di antara kau dan aku, / Between you and me

Di antara kita berdua / Between you and me

Kini tak ada terdengar kabar dari dirimu / There is no news from you now

Kini kau telah menghilang jauh dari diriku / You have gone away from me now

Semua tinggal cerita antara kau dan aku / Only stories stay between you and me

Namun satu yang perlu engkau tahu / But one thing you should know

Api cintaku padamu tak pernah padam, / My love for you never die

Tak pernah padam / Never die

Thank you for your love, your time, your sacrifice. Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me the way I need it. Wish I can hold your hands one more time...

Gadget: Samsung Galaxy Core

My Oppo Find Way was broken, the battery can't not be charged. I already tried with many charger, such as: its own charger, Blackberry charger, Nokia charger, also charge it with laptop, none of it worked. The battery is planted inside so I cannot just buy and replace the battery on my own. I cannot buy a new phone and take it to service center because my money is really tight.

I feel so frustrated because I use the android for work and for my long distance relationship. I tried to move all the apps to my Samsung Galaxy Tab 1. As you know the tab is very heavy, difficult to take pictures, and it gives more weight to my shoulder. After several days of not having android phone, my boss lent me his Samsung Galaxy Core. He said he found very difficult to communicate with me without android. 

I am using Samsung since March 29, 2015. It was a bit confusing to me, because I am not use to it. As I learned to adapt with it, I enjoy this phone. A bit review on this gadget based on my previous Oppo, with the same RAM, I find Oppo much faster. Oppo has a better camera even for the selfie camera. I can put 2 sim cards in Samsung Core, while Oppo only provide 1 slot for micro sim card. I only need to place 1 sim card so I don't use the second slot at Samsung Core. The total point for Samsung Core would be an average good phone. It is enough to those who only use for chat and browsing.  

Unfortunately, in a few days, I have to return the phone. My boss wants to give it to someone else. Bye bye Samsung. Still unable to buy a new phone yet due my financial condition, I look for a cheaper phone. The options are between Lenovo or Asus. Still haven't decide yet, waiting for the money. 

Just want to thank you to my boss. Thank you so much for lending me this phone, it helps me in many ways.
Thank You Lord, for providing me what I need. 

Song: Terbaik Untukmu

I was looking for a song that represent my feeling, my sad mood, my sorrow heart. Tried to hear some old Japanese' song which come to my mind, but still cannot catch my feeling. Until I heard a song at the radio. It's been awhile that I listened to the radio. Yesterday evening as my way home from office, I played the radio on my phone. Searched from my favorite radio channel and found this song. 

Terbaik Untukmu / The Best for You
by Tangga

Lyric:
Aku sadar kalau kini / I realized now
Kita sudah smakin menjauh / We are growing apart
Sempat aku berpikir ini / I thought
Kau yg menginginkannya / You wanted this
Lepas dari pelukku / Free yourself from me

* Oh kini aku sadari / Oh now I realized
Ini salahku / It's all my fault
Tak ingin ku terlambat dan sesali / Don't want to be late and regret it

Reff: 

Maafkanlah bila ku selalu / I'm sorry if I always
Membuatmu marah dan benci padaku / Make you angry and hate me
Ku lakukan itu semua / I did all that
Hanya tuk buatmu bahagia / Only to make you happy

Mungkin ku cuma tak bisa pahami / Maybe I cannot understand
Bagaimana cara tunjukkan maksudku / How to show my intention
Aku cuma ingin jadi terbaik untukmu / I just want the best for you

Aku ingin kau tetap di sini bersamaku / I want you to stay here with me
Jangan Pergi / Please don't go
Berikan satu kesempatan / Give me one more chance
Untuk ku membuktikan / To prove to you
Sesungguhnya cintaku / My real love

Repeat *
Repeat reff

Dedicated to someone, I lost you...

Tried to be honest & exposed my deepest feeling...

Should I remain in silent while my heart hurts in many ways?

Unworthy to be fight for... that's me!

Health: Me and My Sensitive Teeth

"Sensitive teeth is often detected when we eat or drink something hot, cold, sweet, or sour. The pain can be sharp and sudden and can shoot deep into the nerve endings of your tooth."

I have sensitive teeth, a very bad one. Lately when I drink even normal room temperature water, it can cause me so much pain. I already used sensitive toothpaste but it didn't help. The pain gets worse day by day, so I went to my dentist.

What cause sensitive teeth?
"You get sensitive teeth when your gums pull back and expose the surface beneath, called the dentin. This soft layer makes up the inner part and roots, which have thousands of tiny tubes that lead to the tooth's nerve center (the pulp). These channels allow the trigger -- for example, the hot, cold, or sweet food -- to reach the nerve in your tooth, which results in the pain you feel."

Teeth Structure

There are other things that can cause sensitive teeth. My dentist said the wrong way of brushing your teeth can cause it too. When the dentist checked me out, a little touch of her tool cause me pain. It located at the canine right lower teeth. The gum was lower than the other. She asked whether I used sensitive toothpaste for sensitive teeth, and I confirmed it. She said the only thing that can help me was to give white filling (bonding) to cover exposed root surface. She said this procedure usually works for sensitive teeth. I let her do it.

It was pretty painful and awkward after the filling. I feel a bit pain as I ate for several days. Now, I get used to the filling and no longer feel pain. Even though the big problem already solved, I still have another sensitive teeth at the upper level. That night, the dentist tried to find which one, yet still unable to discover it. The pain for sensitivity become less now. But I really need to find out the upper level sensitive teeth.

The dentist also recommended me to use dental floss instead of toothpick. She said toothpick can also be the cause to sensitive teeth. Well, I never use dental floss. She suggested to use the one with handle. I already bought it but until now I still don't know how to use it, haha. Me and my sensitive teeth!

Dental floss with handle

Knowledge source:

http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/guide/tooth-sensitivity

Picture source:

http://biology-igcse.weebly.com/human-teeth-and-dental-decay.html

http://www.dentistdentalcare.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/flossing-brush.jpg

Lesson: The Magic

It’s been 2 years since my father passed away and I still think of him everyday. He was a wonderful father to me. He was the one who thought me to love reading. My first novel was called “A Woman of Substance” by Barbara Taylor Bradford. I was so shock when he brought me the novel, it was so thick (more or less 944 pages). For me who wasn't like to read, it was a heavy book. Hehe.

That wasn't the first book my father bought for me, he bought a lot of book since I was a little. Story books, school books, and many other books. I have one last book that he bought me. He knew I love this author. That day, when we passed through a book store, he said “It’s a new book from Rhonda. Do you want to read it?” I replied, “Yes.” He bought me that book, called “The Magic”.

“In The Magic, Rhonda Byrne reveals this life-changing knowledge to the world. Then, on an incredible 28-day journey, she teaches you how to apply this knowledge in your everyday life. No matter who you are, no matter where you are, no matter what your current circumstances, The Magic is going to change your entire life!”

The last time I read this book was the day when my dad passed away.  Since that day, I never open the book anymore. On that day, I read the Day-15 Journey. It was about magically heal your relationship and the example was about heal relationship with someone who already passed away. Never have thought that my father will pass away that day. I was so devastated and too sad to read the book again.

Now, as a memory of him, I will start to read the book again. I will try to follow each day journey inside the book and learn from it. Thank you, papa, for this book. I love you, always have, and always will. 

Song: Sampai Akhir

Last week, I heard this song repeatedly. A coworker who will marry next year keep playing this song until the time of office hour began. It's a beautiful song that has a deep meaning. The song itself was sang by a couple (the singer and his wife) on their wedding day.

It's a perfect song because it's like a wedding vow. So, Jessi & Jeffrey (my coworker & ex-coworker) who will marry next year, I wish you can hold on to your love forever as the song said. In every situation that you may face in the future, always put love above anything. Wish your wedding will be as beautiful as you two.

Here's the video and below I tried to translate the lyric:

Lyric:

SAMPAI AKHIR

by Judika & Duma Rilis Silalahi

Kasih ku berjanji selalu menemani / My love I promise to stay by your side
Saat kau bersedih, saat kau menangis / When you sad, when you cry

Aaa.. kan ku jaga / I will protect
Aaa.. segenap cinta yang ada untukmu / All my love for you

Selama nafasku masih berdesah / As long as I shall breathe
Dan jantungku terus memanggil indah namamu / and my heart keeps calling your name beautifully
Takkan pernah hati ini mendua / This heart will stay true
Sampai akhir hidup ini / Until the rest of my life

Kasih ku berjanji selalu menemani / My love I promise to stay by your side
Saat kau bersedih, saat kau menangis / When you sad, when you cry

Aaa.. kan ku jaga / I will protect
Aaa.. segenap cinta yang ada / All my love for you
Aaa.. percayalah / Trust me
Aaa.. satu cintaku untukmu / My love for you

Selama nafasku masih berdesah / As long as I shall breathe
Dan jantungku terus memanggil indah namamu / and my heart keeps calling your name beautifully
Takkan pernah hati ini mendua / This heart will stay true
Sampai akhir hidup ini / Until the rest of my life

I also dedicate this song to someone, when his heart stay true to me

Lesson: Garbage

I love clean, like to see a clean environment. During my stressful time or relax time, I try to clean my apartment. Usually this activity makes me forget about my problems. I can't say that I am a freak to cleanliness, I really really like clean environment. This fondness was built by my father on how he loved to stay clean. Every Sunday, he moved all the furniture in a new place in order to clean the dust from it. 

It's been awhile that I watched my neighbors with their garbage. At the apartment in each floor we have a garbage disposal place which located at the end of the row. It's not far to reach, 2-4 minutes away by walking. I don't know which neighbor but there's someone who throw away their garbage in front of the Emergency Exit Door. Once, I ignored it. Second, I ignored it. And they kept doing it... Until last Tuesday night, as I entered my hall, I smell awful things which came out from their garbage. My unit is in front of the emergency exit door. I was so deeply mad, so I wrote a note in a piece of paper saying:

"THIS IS AN EMERGENCY EXIT DOOR, NOT A GARBAGE DISPOSAL PLACE"

In the morning I found something shocking... the person who throw those garbage, moved it to my door. WTF!!!! Oh my God, how can someone be so careless? Hello... this is my door! Aaarrggghhh.... I was so furious, so angry. I can't pray at all that day cause I was super upset. So I made a promise, that if I came home from work and still find another garbage in front of my unit, I will take it and put it at each front door of my next door and next door and next door... Let's see how they will react. 

When I returned that evening, no more garbage in front of my door & the emergency exit door. Until today, no more garbage there. I am so relief. Let's see how long it will last. I will file serious complaint to the management if this kind of thing happen in the future. 

Picture source:

http://watsupplies.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/Garbage_Bags.jpg

Lesson: Even though We Weren't Close

Even though we weren't close

I always tried to visit you 

Even though we weren't close

I always remember you in my prayer

Even though we weren't close

Losing you cause a deep sadness

Even though we weren't close

I love you, I will always miss you

Rest in peace, Embah

Ambarawa, 26.10.2014

Love: Saying I Love You

Today is my father birthday. He already passed away for almost 2 years. In the memory of his birthday, I like to share one of the valuable lesson he taught me. Every morning, he sent a morning greeting:

GOOD MORNING, N
HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY
GOD BLESS YOU AND KEEP YOU
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

Even the morning before he passed away, he sent it. I know how much he loves me, and believe that he still loves me. One day on my dream, he came just to say " I love you, N". Oh, how I miss his voice so much. Since he passed away, I continue his legacy. I always send the morning greeting to mom, my brother, my in-law, my niece. It's not just a habit or merely a saying, but the meaning is deeper than that. 

I want everyone I love know that they are loved by me. I send the morning greeting with all my heart. So, if today shall be my last day on earth, I want them to remember how much I love them. 

I love you, R 
I love you, M 
I love you, D 
I love you, I 
I love you, Tata
I love you so much... always have, always will...

I love it when I receive a reply from them. They always made my day with it. 
Thank you, pa, for the valuable lesson. I will continue your legacy. 

Happy Birthday, papa.

Picture source:
http://www.hslda.org/cms/?q=blog/saying-i-love-you-your-family%E2%80%A6how-about-starting-new-tradition

Love: Opening an Old Book

You asked me to open an old book

An old book that  I locked and stored in a chest 

An old book that I threw away....

An old book that I have forgotten because I am with you

I opened it and all the memories came back

The sweet and sad memories 

The moment when I was loved 

The moment when I was accused

But then...

You accused me of lying 

Just like the old book said

You opened my old wound 

You put salt in it with your accusations

You made the wound bigger and deeper now

Lord, I don't know how to handle this

I am scared, I am crushed...

Hold this hands, Lord

I need You

Picture:

www.pinterest.com

Travel: Lombok - Gili Trawangan

This September is a busy month for most of us in the office because we have a special event. This passed two years, office always held an event on its birthday. This time the event took place in Lombok, an island in West Nusa Tenggara, Indonesia. The main event took place in Gili Trawangan, small island at the northwest coast of Lombok. The preparation of this event was really exhausting, meeting after meeting, with a lot of misunderstanding until the very last minutes.

Gili Trawangan
To reach this place, we need to drive for an hour to the harbor called Teluk Nare. Then we have to take 30 minutes boat ride to reach Gili Trawangan. There are 3 Gilis: Gili Air, Gili Trawangan, and Gili Meno. This islands are perfect for honeymoon place, so private, beautiful beach and breath-taking sunset view.

The event started with a Hawaiian BBQ Dinner by the beautiful beach of Gili Trawangan. An outdoor dinner with live music and fun quizzes. Like usually in each company event, I was the host of this dinner. My outlook preparation was really bad, cause 15 minutes before the dinner started I still handled the room distribution while the hotel and tour agent already gave up. I was so upset, only wish to go to the beach and scream, but the beach already crowded by our guests. For the first time of my life, I host a show with wet hair because I washed my hair at the last minutes. What a hectic day! Thanks to Nit2x who finally took care of the room distribution.

The next event was business meeting. The hotel preparation of meeting room was not good. Another headache stroke me. At the end of the meeting my co-host decide to give an offering with wasn't on our agenda. He definitely sabotaged my fun games event. I just said... Whatever! Since no one came for my fun games event, I am so thankful because I finally can sat, relaxed, and enjoyed the beautiful sunset of the island.

Back to Lombok
The next day we moved back to Lombok and continued with city tour. For me, Lombok is very hot and dry. The first stop was the Pearl Shop. Lombok is famous with the pearl farm. There are sea pearl and fresh water pearl. Sea pearl is very expensive compare to the fresh water pearl. I bought 3 rings and a bracelet of fresh water pearl.  Second stop was the gift shop, more to food gift shop. Lombok is famous with the honey bee and seaweed jelly.

Third stop was lunch, which I cannot remember where. All I can remember is I don't like the food and I cannot eat it because it's spicy, the local dish called "Plecing Kangkung & Ayam Taliwang". Extra hot, extra spicy. Only eat the rice and fried tofu. Well, the tour agent feel pity on me so they requested non spicy fried chicken for me.

Fourth stop was "Sade Village" - a traditional village of Sasak (the native of Lombok). At this village I saw how they preserve the culture by staying at the local house with minimum facility. For living, they farm and sell special fabric called "Kain Tenun or Songket". They have to knit it for days even months. What an amazing skills. They said, for a girl to be able to get married, she has to be able to produce 3 fabrics. There's a phrase of Lombok - a city of thousand thief. Wait... don't judge yet. Thousand thief because in the Sasak Culture, the man must kidnap the woman in order to marry the woman. Okay, who wants to kidnap me? Hahaha...

Fifth stop was Narmada Garden - an old kingdom. This place built in 1727 by the king of Mataram - "Anak Agung Ngurah Karang Asem". Beautiful garden but I was to tired to enjoy it.

The last stop was dinner at Furama. The food was good. I closed the entire event that night. Finally my job as host was done, three days in a row of being a host / master of ceremony. It was fun, it was tiring, yet I am thankful to be able to contribute in this event.

Lesson to learn:
Visiting Lombok was my dream in 2013. I was planning to visit this place but the cost was my limitation. To my surprise, this year the dream came true. I visited Lombok and Gili Trawangan for free. I enjoyed the beautiful scenery. God knows how much I love sunset, so He gave me a special time to enjoy it. Even though I have to work during the trip, but having my dream comes true, I don't mind at all.

Thank You, Lord, for the opportunity to visit one of my dream place.
Thank You for sending help in a perfect time so the event run smoothly.
Thank You for the beautiful, breath-taking sunset moment.
Thank You for giving me strength and health.
Your love never stop to amaze me, Lord

Another dream come true... looking forward to tell you all my dreams to You, Jesus.

Lesson: Birthday Wish

My birthday was last month. I wrote this entry before my birthday but forgot to schedule to publish it. I still want to publish it now even though it's late.

On my birthday, I thank God for loving me for the last 35 years of my life. He always be there for me in every step. Thank you, mom, for delivering me to this world, your love always with me. Thank you my brother and sister in law for the dinner. Thank you, honey for singing me the birthday song. Thank you my little sister for the birthday cake & knitting tools. Thank you my big sister for the new batik shirt. Thank you my best friend for the books, eyeliner, fragrant soap, ethic pants, etc. Thank you for making my birthday so special. 

On my birthday, I have 2 wishes.

First wish is to be able to stay healthy. I know how weak my body is. I know I can't sleep without medicine. I know I have to regularly see doctor. But.... this last 2 years, I barely do it because of some reasons. I am afraid to know about my health. I am afraid to know the result as I see doctor or medical report. Due this reason I often avoid going to see doctors. The other reason is my financial situation. Well, my financial situation is unstable. Seeing a doctor isn't cheap especially when the doctor is a specialist. I keep trying to save some money to see doctor, but I end up with no money. 

Second wish is to be able to see my boyfriend in real. We have a long distance relationship and it's been a year now. Although I was afraid to have another LDR, my boyfriend was the one who convinced me that this time will be better. Our relationship wasn't smooth, we often fight, argue and misunderstand, we broke up several times too. In spite of it, we still together and try to fight for our love. I really wish I can meet him in person on my birthday.

Love: Wedding Dress

This evening I watched another episode of "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC. I love watching this show, cause I learn a lot about finding wedding dress. This show makes me wonder what would it be like when I find my own dress one day, would I be wearing it one day?

What I learn? Hmm...
I learn that finding a wedding dress is not easy at all. The bride-to-be have fantasy about her dress but sometimes when she tries the dress, she doesn't like it or she doesn't look good in it.

I learn that there are many type of woman's body and to my surprise, there will always be a dress for every type. So either you're thin or fat, either you're tall or short, there will be a dress for you. It might be hard to find and make you want to give up, but don't give up just yet. There's a dress for you.

I learn that too many person who help you decide, sometimes make you confuse. So, just focus on small family member such as parents, sister & brother, your BFFs. Just follow your heart when the opinion isn't what you expected.

I learn that making a decision on such a big commitment in marriage isn't an easy. The most important isn't about the dress, but the life after the wedding. The upcoming challenges are more big. For you, all bride-to-be, keep believing that you will find your dress, be happy, be beautiful. Always holds your love to one another and put it above everything and you can face any upcoming storms as you enter the marriage life.

Poem: Wither

Don't you know how much I worry?

Don't you know how much I love you?  

Don't you know how much I miss you? 

I want to spend my time with you

Wish that you can feel me
Wish that you can see my love
Wish that you can touch this heart
and know how fragile I am

This soul starts to wither....

Love: Happy 1st Anniversary

I love you without knowing

How or when or from where

I love you straight forwardly

Without complexities or pride

So I love you because

I know no other way than this

(Pablo Neruda)

Happy 1st anniversary, honey

I love you so much...

May you hold this hands forever

My Funny and Yet Amazing God

Lately I have been facing a difficult problem which somehow burden me. I can't stop thinking to find a way out of it, but until today I still stuck with the problem. A problem that have haunt me for several years and keep going on. There are times when I feel it not as heavy as it seems yet in many times I feel it so heavy that I want to give up. Last week, when I feel how heavy the problem and how to solve it, I was in a lot of stress. My neck began to stiff and clogged nose more often, I am really in a difficult phase. 

During my lectio divina moment last week, God strengthen me with many scriptures that I read. Even for 3 days in a row He spoke to me about "don't worry", about "being still", and about "His beautiful plan for me". His words really encourage me and I want to share one of the words that I read. This words was brought to me by Joel Osteen on one of his Today's Word series. As I quote:

It was like God was saying, "I can make it rain whenever I want to. I can use a little cloud, a big cloud or no cloud. I'm God. I'm the All Powerful Creator of the universe. When I say rain, I don't need a cloud. When I say healing, I don't have to have medicine. When I say promotion, I don't need your boss's approval. When I say abundance, I don't need a bank. I'm not limited by the natural. I'm a supernatural God.

When I read this words, I laugh so hard until my friend turn her head and ask me what's wrong. Ha-ha. I like what Joel's wrote, it gave me a slap on my cheek which remind me how amazing my God is. This words really confirming of what I have been receiving in my lection divina moment. Again, God wants me to stay still and know that He is a supernatural God. He can do everything for me even when I think it's impossible. 

I slept well that night, knowing that I don't have to worry. Until now I don't have solution to my problem, but I feel less worry. I know God will help and His timing is perfect. Thank You, Lord, for being such a funny and amazing God to me.

Picture source:
http://www.missosology.info/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=146166

Fun: Me and Knitting

I have a new hobby now, it’s knitting. The idea to learn about knitting came from making souvenir for my father’s memorial prayer. It isn’t a must thing, to give souvenir to those who come to the prayer, but it’s like a custom here. We serve dinner and give souvenir in such memorial prayer.

small purse for rosary

The idea itself was to make a small purse for Rosary. I bought my purse at the cathedral long time ago and when I look at it, seems it is easy to make one like it. Ha-ha. It isn’t easy at all. I asked my friend, Nit2x, to study knitting together. Firstly we studied online, we watched video at YouTube and learned from it. 

Secondly, we asked our friend to teach us and we discovered it was not easy. Ha-ha.

My friend is talented, she studied faster than me. I was so behind her and feel hopeless. At that time, it was too little time to finish 40 small purses (in only 2 months away) and we merely expert in it. So, I cancelled the souvenir. My mom came with another idea for the souvenir.

Back to knitting.

There are knitting and crochet, I love knitting more than crochet. While my friend loves crochet more than knitting. But turn out, knitting needs crochet skill too. Ha-ha. Knitting tools are two needles and crochet tool is crochet hook. 

this is crochet tool

this is knitting tool

Right now, I am using a tool from Japan, it looks like loom. I made scarf with it. Already done with first scarf project, a green scarf for Nit2x and now I am doing my second scarf project. I tried to be expert in it, still need to learn how to end the project with crochet skill. It is a fun thing to do. I enjoy making scarf and wanting to learn more than scarf, such as making sock and beanie hat. I love my new hobby. 

my first project: green scarf

Picture source:

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01536/p_knitting-kit_1536394i.jpg

http://rosehavenyarn.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/crochet-hook.jpg

Lesson: KEP

What do I think when I heard about evangelization? The first thing that come up into my mind is giving religion teaching to those who isn't Catholic and somehow I think it is a very hard duty for me. I think of it as a hard duty because for a Catholic, I know that I have to spread the Good News but interfering in someone's belief is too personal for me. Because religion is between God and the person and in that matter, no one should encounter or force a will. So, I try other ways in delivering Good News, for example by being a lector and joining choir.

To my surprise, I agreed to accompany my friend to take a course called KEP (Kursus Evangelisasi Pribadi / Personal Evangelization Mission Course). I never imagine before that I will take this course due my perception above. I thought the course was about studying the bible more deep but so far, it wasn't like that. The course itself is long, every Monday for 3 hours, and it will end on November. As the teacher explained, this course is about being an evangelist by telling others our own experience of God's love.

I still think the course is too heavy for me. I don't know if I can go on with the course till the end. It's not about refusing my duty as a Catholic. I am not ready for this kind of mission yet. But I
am already in it now, I believe that God has a plan for me in here. Help me, Lord to understand Your will in my life.

Picture source:
http://lavistachurchofchrist.org/