Lesson: KEP

What do I think when I heard about evangelization? The first thing that come up into my mind is giving religion teaching to those who isn't Catholic and somehow I think it is a very hard duty for me. I think of it as a hard duty because for a Catholic, I know that I have to spread the Good News but interfering in someone's belief is too personal for me. Because religion is between God and the person and in that matter, no one should encounter or force a will. So, I try other ways in delivering Good News, for example by being a lector and joining choir.

To my surprise, I agreed to accompany my friend to take a course called KEP (Kursus Evangelisasi Pribadi / Personal Evangelization Mission Course). I never imagine before that I will take this course due my perception above. I thought the course was about studying the bible more deep but so far, it wasn't like that. The course itself is long, every Monday for 3 hours, and it will end on November. As the teacher explained, this course is about being an evangelist by telling others our own experience of God's love.

I still think the course is too heavy for me. I don't know if I can go on with the course till the end. It's not about refusing my duty as a Catholic. I am not ready for this kind of mission yet. But I
am already in it now, I believe that God has a plan for me in here. Help me, Lord to understand Your will in my life.

Picture source:
http://lavistachurchofchrist.org/

Prayer: A Prayer For You

I found this beautiful prayer in my friend page. I really think this is a beautiful prayer and with his permission, I post it in my blog. I pray this prayer for you too, my friends...

A PRAYER FOR YOU, MY FRIENDS
by Michel Yu

I pray,
that you will find a person who treats you right
that will accept you for who you are
that will not take you for granted
that will appreciate you as the Lord appreciates His creations

I pray,
that if it's "Thy will be done"
then let it be that God's will
is to grant you happiness
in this life and the next one in eternity

I pray,
that God will grant you understanding,
to know that God loves you very much,
that nothing in your life happens beyond His control

I pray,
that the Lord will reveal Himself in His ways
to let you know that His plan is perfect
and finally I pray,
that God will grant you patience,
as everything will be beautiful in His time.
Amen

Prayer: A Father's Prayer

For this last several days I dreamed about my father and end up crying. I can't remember the dreams very much in detail but I remember what I said to him before I woke up. I said to him, "Why you go away, papa?" and when he said that he need to go, I said to him, "Please don't go, papa!" 

As I reflected my dream, I can only say that deep in my heart I haven't wholeheartedly let go of him. We live so far away, so we hardly meet. It makes the separation with him easier to bear. But the guilt of not being able to help him makes me ask those questions in my dream. We can't control our dream, I believe it solely speak the truth of our longing. 

In a deep longing for him, I opened our chat history. I read it one by one and it made me cry again. I was stunned to read one of our conversation about me asking him to pray. That time I was very sad due a broken relationship with my ex. Here is his prayer in original language: 

+ Dalam nama Bapa dan Putra dan Roh Kudus. Amin.

Ya Allah Bapa yang penuh kasih, dengan penuh keyakinan aku datang di hadapan-Mu, sambil percaya bahwa Engkau menginginkan kesejahteraan dan kebahagiaan putri kami. Penuhilah hatinya dengan Roh-Mu, sehingga ketika putri kami berhadapan dengan kesulitan dan kecemasan, ia dapat mengingat cinta-Mu yang abadi, dan percaya akan janji bahwa Engkau akan hadir bersamanya. Ya Yesus, hadirlah bersama putri kami, dan berilah ia keberanian dan kekuatan. Bunda Maria, bunda kami, jadilah pengantara untuk mendapatkan rahmat-rahmat yang sangat putri kami butuhkan saat ini dari Bapa di Surga dan dari Putra-Mu, Yesus.
Amin.

+ Dalam nama Bapa dan Putra dan Roh Kudus. Amin.

The translation of his prayer:

+ In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.
O God Loving Father, with confidence I come before Thee, as I believe that You desire the welfare and happiness of our daughter. Fill her heart with your Spirit, so when our daughter deals with difficulty and anxiety, she can remember Your love is immortal, and believe in the promise that You will be with her. O Jesus, please be with our daughter, and give her courage and strength. Mary, our Mother, please be a mediator to obtain graces that our daughter need right now from the Father in Heaven and from Thy Son, Jesus.
Amen.
+ In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Oh, papa.... I really miss you... :'(

Lesson: Paid Online Survey

I tried to find earning in the internet and a friend of mine suggested several ways: paid online chatting, paid online survey, make a blog, etc. I have tried paid chatting and paid surveys. So far the earning from this way is good even that I have to collect points which take a long time before I got my payment.

For me, the first site who gave me payment is: Aip Surveys.  This one is a local paid online survey. The payment is not cash but voucher. I can redeem my point with voucher from several shops or restaurants. The surveys are many which give me a lot of opportunity to collect many points. I usually redeem my points with shopping voucher, one time was dining voucher. I have joined this site for almost 3 years.

The second site is a global site, Global Test Market. This one pays me in cash. The only problem is... the points given by each survey is very small, so I have to work hard to be able to redeem my points. I have to reach 1000 points in order to redeem USD50. I had a doubt that the site can pay me who lives in this country, but it did. I received my first check on mid of October. Since the check has my name written wrongly in it, I have to return to GMI. It wasn't totally their fault because I didn't mention my middle name in the survey site. Last week I received a new check with a correct name. Thank you, Mr. Luke from GMI, who help me with this issue.

Lesson to learn:
God is amazing. He always provides me with what I need. I am in lack of money but my need is fulfilled in many ways. The help of friends who buy me food, the unexpected daily allowance, the check from GMI. Thank you, Lord for Your never ending love.

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." 
(Matthew 19:26, NIV)

True Love... Is it exist?

The book "Sunshine Becomes You", remind me about a movie called "Love & The Other Drugs". I think this movie can represent the version of true love in my mind. The story basically the same between the book and the movie. It tries to tell me when the love is so pure and true, nothing can come in between. Not age, not race, not  even a deathly disease. 

I have witness some true love story in real life. This is a story about my coworker daughter, a real story. She was in her last year at the university when she diagnosed with kidney failure. Her parents tried to find a cure for her. She has a boyfriend who has been with her all the time. He wasn't from the same city, so he has to travel a lot to accompany her. It turned out that she has to do dialysis every time. The doctor became very difficult to find a new blood vessel to run the dialysis. Her sickness got worse...

I was shocked when my dad announce her wedding. I said to myself... this man must be crazy to marry a dying girl. I came to the wedding and I found that I was wrong. Their eyes showed how big their love to each other. That moment I knew, it was a true love...

As her condition got worse I visited her at the hospital. So tragic to saw her in such skinny body when she used to be so healthy and chubby. I saw how hard she tried to breath, how her husband stood by her side to pad her back just to give a little relief for her. I saw how her mother became so skinny too, it must have been very hard for her to saw her daughter like that. She finally passed away after 2 years of fighting. I couldn't attend her funeral due a big meeting at the company. May she rest in peace.

Back to the movie, "Love & The Other Drugs". The story is about a man who has a chance to leave his girlfriend who has Parkinson disease but choose to stay by her side. Here are some quote that I love from the movie:

Jamie Randall: I'm full of shit, okay? No I'm... I'm *knowingly* full of shit. Because, uh... because uh, uh... I have... I have *never* cared about anybody or anything in my entire life. And the thing is, everybody just kind of accepted that. Like, "That's just Jamie." And then you!... Jesus. *You*. You. You didn't see me that way. I have never known anyone who actually believed that I was enough. Until I met you. And then you made me believe it, too. So, uh... unfortunately... I need you. And you need me.
Maggie Murdock: No I don't.
Jamie Randall: Yes you do.
Maggie Murdock: No I don't.
Jamie Randall: *Yes*, you do.
Maggie Murdock: Stop it, stop saying that.
Jamie Randall: You need someone to take care of you.
Maggie Murdock: No, I don't!
Jamie Randall: Everybody does.

---

Maggie Murdock: I'm gonna need you more than you need me.
Jamie Randall: That's okay.
Maggie Murdock: [crying] No it's not! It isn't *fair*! I have places to go!
Jamie Randall: You'll go there. I just may have to carry you.
Maggie Murdock: ...I can't ask you to do that.
Jamie Randall: You didn't.

---

True love do exist and I believe it. I believe in love. I wish I could find such love... A love like them. A love that conquer everything, not giving up when obstacles come. I want a love as describe in this scriptures:

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails". (1 Cor 13 : 4-8)

No Period

The acupuncture treatment has ended and I still don't have the courage to go to the gynecologist. It has been 3 months since my last control while she told me to go back on September. Something unusual happened! I don't get my period last month, no pain in my tummy.

This is weird indeed. Hormonal therapy should last only for 30 days and my last Danazol was at the early week of September. But... I have 2 (two) times of period on mid-October. I was hoping to have it by the earliest or end of November. It's not happening.

I should go to the gynecologist, I should have the USG scan on my tummy. I used to be brave to face this disease. I always want to prove that acupuncture can heal it. But this time... I have no courage, I'm so afraid. What if this time the acupuncture didn't work?

"Jesus, I'm so afraid. I don't know how to handle this. I don't have the courage and I don't have the money. It's difficult, Jesus. But I'll praise You in this storm, Jesus... For You are my Savior, my Refuge. For You are my Strength, my Hope. May Your name be glorify now and forever." 

Picture is taken from:
http://www.periodvitamin.com/period-pains-but-no-period.html

Living Alone

For a very long time I wished to be able to live alone. I want to live just by myself, consider that I'm an indifferent person, the choice to live alone always come in my mind. I even pray for it to happen. God heard my prayer. I live... not alone but not with my family.

By the second semester of this year, my dad has been transferred by his office to another city. My mum already lives in another city for a long time. While my brother still lives in the same city but not in the same house. I thought I will live alone when my apartment finish but with many changes in live. Now, I live with my maid and my dog. My parents usually visit me at the end of the month.

Sometimes I miss my family so much, till it hurts. As the time goes by the feeling gradually disappear. It's not that I forget them, I still built a good communication with them. I'm enjoying my life now, I even get fatter... LOL... I'm free now!

"Thank you, God. I know you always listen to my prayer. You always know the best for me. I believe in You and in Your wonderful plan for me. Hold me and never let me go, because I am nothing without you. Thank you!"

Focus

May not rest to fight
The game is just begin
The road to win is far
With Your help I will run

Hope as high as the sky
Dream big to reach my goal
Stay focus, focus, and focus!

Dear God,
Help me to stay focus on my goal,  lead me in your way so I know which path to choose. Hear me when I feel so low, encourage me to stand up, love me with Your unfailing love. And most of all... teach me to love You more everyday...

Thanks to You

This entry is dedicate to all my friends. Thank you for your love and attention on my birthday. Special thanks to:

Ko Eric
For the dinner on July 30 and the birthday wishes on August 30. Thank you for remembering my birthday, bro.

Monalisa
Thank you for the bag. I will always miss you.

Fransiska
Girl, thank you very much for you text message on August 30.

NIt2x
My little sister, thank you for being the first to say Happy Birthday and for the most creative gifts. Red for the candle, orange for the glove, white for the card drive, and black for the scarf. You really know my favorite colors. Also, for the poem, the IKEA Catalog and the last letter to close my b-day.

Imelda
Honey, thank you for the prayer on my birthday.

Blue Jasmine a.k.a Rika
My big sister, thank you so much for the lovely novels and prayer.

Siska Yunita
You are so kind to me. Thank you for the "Special Gift Book" and for the blouses. Wow! You never stop giving me surprise throughout the years. Thanks for the monthly reflection book too.

Ruben Gonzalez
Thank you very much for the birthday song in Spanish. It is a lovely song. This is the first Happy Birthday song I ever hear in other language beside English and Indonesian. Thank you for singing it to me.

Ruth Virginia
Happy birthday too, sister. Thank you for the "S" pendant. I always want this pendant, but never get it. Already have an "I" and "N", now I finally got a pendant of my first baptism name character. Thank you very much, Ruthie.

And thank you to everyone else who congratulate me on my special day. I wish you all the best thing in life, more happiness and success. God bless you, my friends.

Here is the picture of my gifts:

OMG!

Why do I have to find out about it now?
Why didn't You stop it from the beginning?
Why You allow this to happened?


When I entered too deep
When I believed again
I don't understand...
I never understand Your way, Lord

Have to admit how blind I was...
How can I fall at the same place again?
I'm very stupid, never learn the lesson!!!!

Thank you for showing me the truth...
Just give me the strength I need now
I can not pass it without You, Jesus...

Fireworks

Do you like fireworks? I love it so much. Watching fireworks at last night new year's eve remind me how much I love it. The beautiful light on the dark sky, remind me that we are the light of the world.

No matter how dark is the sky, a single and small firework can shine and make the sky brighter. No matter how small the light is, it can conquer the dark. Just like a match, when we have no electricity... A single match can brighten the dark. This is the first character of a light.

The second character: to be able to shine, the firework burn itself to light the dark. A candle or a match, both of them burn itself to be able to shine. So, we need to sacrifice if we want to shine. This is it, the characteristic of a light. It's our characteristic too since we are the light of the world.

The fireworks also remind of happiness. As for me, the fireworks are the symbol of happiness. In every happy ceremony we will always find fireworks, such as birthday, new year, and wedding (sometime). Every time I saw fireworks, I felt amazed by its beauty and happy.

Oh, wish I can be a light that shine and bring happiness for everyone in their darkest path. Help me be a light...

Christmas' Wishes

December! One of my favorite month of the year. I love the Christmas' ornament at the malls, the theme colors of Christmas - red and green... perfect combination, the Santa Claus, all the music... Don't you love Christmas? I do.

Santa Claus, the big guy with red suits and long white beard, is very identical to Christmas' wishes. When I was a little girl, I sat on his lap and asked him many presents. Now as an adult, I still have Christmas' wishes and today I will write my Christmas' wishes. Hope the Santa Claus will hear my wishes ^o^.

First wish is to bring the lost sheep home. This is a hard! I've given my best effort... They have been lost for quite a long time, I wish to be able to open their eyes and make them see the right path. Come home with me... walk on the right path... No matter what may happen, I love you.

Second wish is a glasses. I have 2 glasses. The first one looks very funny on me. Well, my dad choose it for me... actually I didn't like it but since he paid for it, I have to take his choice or else (~laughing out loud~). I hardly wear it. My second glasses was my own choice, I bought it with my own money. I love it very much but still rarely wear it... too heavy (~laughing~). Several months ago a friend ask me where I bought and how much it cost. I told her the place and then I thought she needed this glasses more than me, so I decided to give it to her. Now, I need a new glasses since the big meeting is coming soon. Last Sunday I saw a friend with "Levi's" eyeglasses... and I fall in love with it. This is my second wish for Christmas.

Third wish is a watch. I don't have any watch right now. My old and favorite watch was broken, tried to repair it several time. It's running again but the chain is too small (even with extra chain) and I easily drop it. There is another watch from my dad, but the genuine skin color leather chain is broken. Since it is an expensive watch I couldn't change it with regular leather chain. The original leather chain is too expensive for my pocket (~laughing~). So, I need a new watch and I like to have a "Fossil" Watch... This is my last Christmas wish.

Now, who want to be my Santa Claus? Hmm...

Prayer of Abandonment

I offer this prayer every morning, a prayer of abandonment by Charles de Foucald.

Father,
I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures.
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you
with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands,
without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

by Charles de Foucald

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

This is my favorite prayer. The prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen