The Story of Endometriosis 1

My friend, Maria, encourage me to write my story of endometriosis. I was reading through her blog and found out how hard her struggle. Mine was not that hard, it wasn't easy either. So, here is the story...

I always feel the menstrual pain, premenstrual and during the menstrual, since junior high school. For several occasion, I fainted during my period. I never went to the gynecologist to check whether I have a disease or not. I just thought it was a natural pain. Every period I took pain killer just to ease the pain and i took it for the whole week of period.

The story moved on until a friend of mine commented how big was my lower stomach. I was very thin and the stomach did look so big and weird. She said that I have to see a gynecologist. I was so afraid. The menstrual pain begun to be stronger. I fainted before the period came and it was during my office hours. This was my turning point, I have to face my fear.

It was on early August 2003 when I went to see my friend. She is a young doctor. When she touched my stomach, she suggested to see a gynecologist. She accompanied me to see the gynecologist the next day but the doctor was on holiday. So we went to a different doctor, a surgeon who was available at the moment. He was the most handsome doctor I've ever seen... LOL... He asked me to do a complete USG test on my abdomen. I made an appointment to be checked on the next day in the same hospital.

I have to fasted for this test. I remember waiting for a few hours for the doctor to came. When he came in the room, he started the USG test. He told me that every organs in my abdomen was in a good condition. He detected 2 large cysts in my ovary. He told me both of them were in the right side. His prediction on the size of the cysts are the first cysts was about 5cm and the second cysts about was 8cm. He said I have to take it out by surgery. According to its size, it would have cut the right ovary. He comforted me by saying that I still can have a baby only with left ovary. It was hard to hear his comment on my condition.

At the afternoon I went back to the surgeon and he confirmed it. He suggested me to see a gynecologist. I didn't know what to do. It was difficult to fight it especially when you have to fight it alone....

Tired

Work:
Today has been I've been so busy. Meeting and meeting all day long. I was late at my first meeting yet I was the first person attended it. I thought this meeting would be though, but I was wrong. It was beyond my imagination, everything went well. I was also late at my second meeting and I did came late. It was raining so hard and I was so careless that I dropped my documents and everything got so wet $@%&##??!!.... After the meeting, my boss and I went to a book store since he asked me to choose a book for him. Back at the office I have to prepare the itinerary for his vacation.

After Hours:
I found out that my friends were throwing a birthday party after work. At first I hesitated to go but my friends were full of attention, they waited until I finished all my tasks. Love you!!!! We ate pizza and took a picture at studio. That was a crazy idea, I love it though...

Christmas Preparation:
I never put a Christmas tree... wait, when I was little I had a Christmas tree. Gee, I missed the tradition. The choir practice harder each week, I really hope we can give our best performance on the first Christmas' mass. At the office, we also prepare a play. I really hope it will be a good play. Good luck everyone!!!

Aaaarrrgghhh *^$$$##@@!!!!

I'm so tired.... So many task to do in so little time... Gee, I really need more than 24 hours a day. But when I think about it again... I won't be able to finish my tasks anyway... since I've lost my spirit. I begin to lose my health and concentration..

Aaarrrgghh **^^$$%%##@@!!!!

I need a vacation... somewhere... someplace with a sea... hot sunshine... Any idea where to go???

My Name is Cimo

Meet my super naughty dog, Cimo. We found him in a gutter somewhere around our house. He was a small dog with many fleas. He is very naughty and cute. He loves to eat his food on our bathroom doormat and this habit makes us angry at him all the time. Besides that, he afraid of the thunder sound, he trembled with fear when he heard one. He loves to show off, even though he has small body he loves to challenge bigger dog to fight. We've got in to trouble a lot of time with this. He just can't get a long with another dog except Chibi.

Chibi is my other dog. He's very old now, 13 years old. He is cute and adorable. I don't know the exact type of dog he is, he has long fur and short body. He's different from Cimo... more clever than Cimo. Now, he's very annoying with his behaviour that always make us awake in the middle of the night just to open the door for him. Both of the dog sleep with me and they have this ritual of coming in and out of the bedroom in the middle of the night.

Father, We Commit To You

I heard this song again last July on my best friend wedding. I remember we (AG Voice) sang it just couldn't recall when. This is a very beautiful song... beautiful lyric... I just wanna share the lyric, may it encourage others.

Father, We Commit To You
by Lyn Walker

God before us, God beside
God within us abide
God in Heaven, and in this place
Father, we commit to You this day

God in pleasure, God in pain
God will ever remain
God in gladness, and God in strife
Father, we commit to You our lives

For we know that You are faithful through the stillness and the storm
For You've been with us from the start
Father, we commit to You our hearts

God in pleasure, God in pain
God will ever remain
God in gladness, and God in strife
Father, we commit to You our lives

For we know that You are faithful through the stillness and the storm
For You've been with us from the start
Father, we commit to You our hearts
Father, we commit to You our hearts

Please check the song on this address:
http://www.imeem.com/guitarman0611/music/ILZMSbcT/lyn_walker_father_we_commit_to_you/

Pater Noster

It's been a while since I practice in my choir team and I found out that I was breathless. Lack of practice I guess!!! Just couldn't arrange my time. On Sunday we will be singing on our Church (wish I can catch the right tone for the alto voice in each song). It's also been a while since we sang the Lord prayer in Latin. I really miss the song. This prayer was given to us by our Lord Jesus Christ Himself when the apostles asked Him to teach them how to pray (Mt 6:9-13) and thus the prayer has been a part of the Church since the very beginning. Here is the Lord prayer in Latin:

PATER NOSTER

Pater noster, qui es in caelis
Sanctificetur nomen tuum
Adveniat regnum tuum
Fiat voluntas tua
Sicut in caelo et in terra
Panem nostrum cotidianum da nobis hodie
Et dimitte nobis debita nostra
Sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris
Et ne nos inducas in tentationem
Sed liberanos a malo. Amen

Our conductor always tells us to give more color to this song. Hope that we will deliver this song with our heart. Good luck AG VOICE!!!

Psalm 34: 1- 9

Psalm 34: 1 - 9 always remind me to praise the Lord, for His love, His kindness, His faithfulness... Here is the passage:


Psalm 34: 1 - 9 (NIV)

1. I will extol the LORD at all times; his praise will always be on my lips.
2. My soul will boast in the LORD; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3. Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.
4. I sought the LORD, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
5. Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
6. This poor man called, and the LORD heard him; He saved him out of all his troubles.
7. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
8. Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9. Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.

Hope this passage will strengthen every soul.

Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.
(Psalm 143:8)

Cramps O Cramps!!!

I’ve been suffering with cramps these last few weeks. It is very painful, it happens not only a night but also during my working time. It attacks my legs, arm and chest. Yesterday afternoon it attacked me on my left chest and it move to my left arm… it lasted for more than 10 minutes. On the same day, it attacked my leg during my sleeping time. It made me awake all night long, since to move meant to suffer another cramps. Need to stay alert each time I move my body. Ouch!!!

I try to find out about cramps. Cramps are sensations caused by contraction or over shortening of muscles. Cramps can be caused by cold, overexertion or low calcium level in blood (especially for adolescents where they need calcium for both blood and bone maturing). Illness or poisoning can also cause cramps, particularly in the stomach, which is referred to as colic if it fits particular characteristics. Source: Wikipedia

For more information, please see this address:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cramp
http://www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/23068794/

Breaking Dawn

When you loved the one who was killing you, it left you no options. How could you run, how could you fight, when doing so would hurt that beloved one? If your life was all you had to give your beloved, how could you not give it? If it was someone you truly loved?

This is the first quote from the fourth Twilight Saga the series. This quote makes me curious and spends all my weekend just to read the final series. Yes, we have a happy ending, an eternal life for Bella, a beautiful love for Edward, a unique love for Jacob, a great fight, and a hilarious victory.

This book begins with Bella and Edward’s engagement and wedding. Stephanie Meyer gives a new perspective in this book, usually she wrote from Bella’s point of view but she also wrote from Jacob’s point of view.

Just read the book, the complete series… It’s a beautiful story.

Life is The Most Precious Gift

Lately my mind has been occupied with a friend who thought that the best solution for her problem was to die. Will it really solve the problem? It surely will create a new problem and hurt everyone who loves you.

For me, life is the most precious gift I’ve ever received. I appreciate life with every breath that I take. There will be no life without problems. No matter what problem, I believe there will be a way out.

I call people who decide to end his/her life is a coward and selfish. How can they think with their die will solve a problem? Yes, it will be the end for them but what about the person who care and love them sincerely? What a selfish decision!!!

It’s wrong when I challenge someone to do suicide yet I shall challenge everyone to life and face the problem. Don’t run, don’t complain… just count your blessings. There is a lot heavier problem out there… Open your mind and take a closer look… Bring yourself closer to God.

I dare you to life and face your problem with courage. It’s all about choices; it’s all about your reaction toward your problem. I dare you to live your life to its fullness!!!

Enjoy your life!!!

Life is All About Choices

Last week my father sent me an email. It's a very inspirational email and I hope it will give us the courage to stay positive. The whole world may think negative, but I have to stay positive. Here is the email:

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, 'If I were any better, I would be twins!'

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, 'I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?'

He replied, 'Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in good mood or...you can choose to be in bad mood. I choose to be in good mood'

'Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.'

'Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or...I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.'

'Yeah, right, it's not that easy,' I protested.
'Yes, it is,' he said. 'Life is all about choices.'
'When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.'

'The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life.'

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, 'If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?' I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

'The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,' he replied. 'Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live...’


'Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?' I asked. He continued, '...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action.

'What did you do?' I asked. 'Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,' said John. 'She asked if I was allergic to anything 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity''. Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude...I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

My week

The Movie

Last week I went to see the new James Bond movie... Quantum of Solace. I like the action in this movie compare to the first one. This isn't like all other James Bond's movie, it is a sequel from the first one... Casino Royale. The action was cool and great. The story line is like other action movie but in this movie, I found out he has to fight without the help of great technology gear or weapon.

I still like Piere Brosnan as James Bond, yet Daniel Craig offers a great talent of acting in this movie. Worth to watch!


The Sickness

I couldn't believe it!!! I have cold again. It seems only yesterday I was cured and now I'm having it again... This time I found my cough is heavier. Instead of going to the doctor, I repurchase my last medicine. I don't buy antibiotic since it make me feel dizzy. Gee!!!

The Facebook

Lately I use Facebook a lot. I enjoy the feature and application it offers. I just try this new app which sketch my face with a pencil, it called Sketching Me. Here is the result ...

I wasn't interested in this website before but my boss told me that even his pastor use this facility so I decided to have one. It's fun!!!

Eclipse

Eclipse is the third book of Twilight Saga series. In second book, Stephanie Meyer introduce us to werewolf lives. In third book, she gives us a violent clash. The first fight is between Edward, Bella and Victoria. The second fight is between Edward, Bella and Jacob.

The first fight is a revenge plan of Victoria for the death of James (her spouse). She tries to kill Bella with a great strategy. The vampire cooperate with the werewolf in this fight. It is a violent clash. I really enjoy the fight although it is describe only from Bella's point of view.

The second fight is Jacob war against Edward to win Bella's love. Edward makes Bella realize her love for Jacob is real. He will give up everything if she choose Jacob, he promise to love her always. Jacob also gives the same promise. So, in this book Bella has to make her choice.

Enjoy reading!!!

Lantern for My Soul

Again, I find myself addicted to a song. This one is an Indonesian song. Anyhow, for me... a song is a universal language. I like a song from its lyric, so each time I hear a new song I try to catch what it want to say. No matter what the music type is, when it has beautiful lyric... I'll certainly will fall in love with it.

The song I like titled LENTERA JIWA by Nugie. The song tries to tell me about the lantern for everyone soul. Have you find one? This song says that the lantern for the soul is your heart, your conscience. Listen to your inner feeling/heart each time you get confuse, listen to it very carefully then you will find out what you really want.. what you should do...

As I hear my God says:
"Listen to your heart I know you are afraid. Get up and face your problem, for I AM with you."

My Progress in Endometriosis

Last month, my friend who struggle from the same disease send e-books regarding the Ovarian Cysts. It consist of 3 books. The book introduce the real fact about ovarian cyst, the diet and the stress release method. It use holistically way to prevent the hurt from ovarian cyst. I haven't finished reading it. So far I find the book is very useful especially for the diet to reduce the hurt.

If anyone of you would like the book, please contact me or you can open ovariancystsnomore.com.

The books are:
1. Ovarian Cysts No More by Mary Parker
2. 14 Day Ovarian Cysts Meal Plans and Recipes by Mary Parker
3. The Ultimate Guide to Relaxation by Mary Parker

New Moon

Twilight - the series number 2 is New Moon. New Moon reflects a new love. The story begin with Edward decision to end his relationship with Bella with a consideration it will be more safer to Bella if he stays away. Her heart break was describe with empty pages in the novel. It reflected how she felt... empty...

She become closer to her friend Jacob, who turns to be a werewolf. Their relationship brought Bella back to her smile. The problem begins when Edward come again. Bella has to choose between Edward and Jacob. Who will she choose?

Stephanie Meyer is a great author. She describe each detail plot and character very well. The second novel makes me wonder about the real existence of vampire and werewolf. I know this may sound crazy, but the characters are a live to me. I enjoy reading this Twilight Saga and can't wait to see the movie... I've watched the Twilight's trailer, it was beautiful. Hope it will be play in Indonesia...

My Bad Mood

I'm very tired, waked up with a bad mood... I can't sleep well last night. The fear that has been haunting me for the last 15 years is happening again. The fear that no one must know, the fear that I will bring to my death.

I was sure that my fear won't haunting me again but when I thought God answered my prayer... it started to happen again. Aaarrgghhh!!!!! I hate this side of me.... I hate to be weak, dependent, unable to speak... Damn!!! I should be stronger than this... I should...

Twilight - the series

Lately I've been reading Twilight - the series by Stephanie Meyer. This series consist of 4 books; Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. I enjoy reading it very much, never thought I still have a big imaginary to imagine the story. The novels tell me about an impossible love and a sacrifice. A romantic and action novels. So far, I've read all 3 series, 1 more left.

Let me try to give a little review on Twilight. Twilight begins with a girl named Bella who moves from Phoenix to Fork, Seattle. She moves in with her father after her mother remarried. She is an ordinary and sloppy girl. She meets this Edward, who is cold handsome and nonchalant boy in her school. They both fall in love. The only problem is... Edward is a vampire and Bella is a human. A vampire eats human blood. How can they be together? Just read it... you never imagine how much you will love the story.

Enjoy reading!

The Fear

Here is the result after I went to the doctor last night....

The uterus and ovary are clean. There were no indication of cysts. The hurt that I feel for the last 8 days came from an endometriosis that grows outside the womb area. This endometriosis can't be seen through USG and we can't do anything to make it gone. The only available action we can take is to make it smaller. If we do the operation the doctor can minimize it by burn it with laser. Since it wasn't dangerous, we don't need an operation.

The doctor said that I will always feel the hurt each time I have my period. So she gave a medicine is a hormonal thing. The medicine suppose to help me with the hurt. But it has a side effect... i will have more testosterone than progesterone. The effects are different to each person. Hopefully it won't give much bad effect. Medicine mustn't be taken more than 3 months.

Any ideas how to reduce the hurt from endometriosis?

Conquering My Own Fear

This last few days, I have been so afraid. It's concerning my health. Lately I'm having this hurt in my right stomach and I'm afraid it's the symptom of my cyst/endometriosis. Afraid to have it grow back again, afraid to face another operation...

Actually, I sense the cysts again since last year, but too afraid to go to gynecologist. Afraid to know the truth will break down my spirit. Last year, it was 4cm and when it reach 5cm... the doctor has to take it away from my uterus. After done some alternative way with acupuncture, the cyst gone. Then I never check it again.

Today, I finally take a courage to call the doctor office to make an appointment since the hurt getting stronger and stronger. Please pray for me, so I can be strong to face it. Please help me, God... for I'm nothing without You...

Moral Lesson 5

This is the final story:

The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in-charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:

Brain..... I should be in-charge because I run all body functions. Blood..... I should be in-charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain. Stomach... I should be in-charge because I process food to the brain. Legs...... I should be in-charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.

Eyes...... I should be in-charge because I let the brain see where it's going. Asshole... I should be in-charge because I get rid of your waste. All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.

Day 1: Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2: Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3: Legs got cramps and became unstable Day 4: Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5: Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6: The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in-charge.

Moral of the story: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN-CHARGE"

Moral Lesson 4

Here is the fourth moral lesson story :

There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! -........”

Moral of the story: “THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"

Moral Lesson 3

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"

The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over he question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? -"

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese."

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of kee was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee am I ?!"

The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

Moral of the story: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"

Moral Lesson 2

Here is moral lesson 2.

Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, "Listen", said the CEO. "This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" ask the CEO.

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

Moral of the story:
"NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"

Moral Lesson 1

I find 5 moral lesson in this funny stories. I received from a friend. Hope you will find the lesson too. Here is lesson 1:

LESSON 1

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each."

So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Puff... And he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted, " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Puff... And he was also gone. The boss calmly said, " I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12:55 pm."

Moral of the story:
"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"

My Health

I was sick for the last 3 weeks with a simple disease (so ashamed!!!). I have a cold and cough since early October. I should see doctor sooner - when I still sick more than 6 days. But my stubbornness leads me to my condition now. Can you imagine? 3 weeks of a cold and cough!!!

I do careless about my health - have to admit it. Instead staying away from water, I played around in water for more than 6 hours. Instead of going to the doctor, I went out till midnight. This is my punishment! I've already went to see doctor and take medicine for 3 days. There is no progress in my health. I still have a cold and cough even worse than before. I’m thinking maybe the doctor gave me wrong medicine. Hhmmm….

Hope I can get better before Sunday because I have to help my choir team in a wedding mass. So, please help me… God!

Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV)

This passages inspire me to be a better person. It teach me not to be worry and how to stay positive while the whole world is negative. It also teach me how to gain peace from God. So each time I feel or need to be positive, I'll read this passage below:

Philippians 4: 4-9 (NIV)

4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

May the LORD keep you and bless you!

Take a Bow

Yesterday, I looked on a blog and noticed the word "Take a Bow". It reminds me of a song that sang by Madonna. I loved this song, although it's a sad song but the lyric is beautiful. Here is the lyric....

TAKE A BOW
By Madonna

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]

Chorus:

I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]

(chorus, repeat)

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye

All the world is a stage [world is a stage]
And everyone has their part [has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart

I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye

(chorus)

Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Say good-bye

Faithful

On this month, many experience lead me to think about faithfulness. First, it came from my silent morning time. All the topics were related to how great is His (God) faithfulness. Second, came from a song. Remember a song called All of These? Third, came from my friends who always be there for me.

At this moment, I like to talk about faithfulness of God. One said, "Life is not always fair, but God is always faithful." I found so many things that I called unfair. But I believe that God is faithful. Here is the way I look... In a game, there will be a winner and there will be a loser. Both team prepare for the competition and maybe pray the same thing (to win the game). But there's only 1 winner. Is God unfair? No, for me... He is fair.

Faith is holding up of the faithfulness of God, as long as we do that... we can't go wrong.Faith doesn't look at itself or the person who is exercise it.

Faith looks at God. Faith is interested in God only. Faith is allowing your soul to go beyond what your eyes can see. For we walk by faith not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7)

ALL OF THESE

I fall in love with this song...

ALL OF THESE

Words & Music by Craig Curry

How vast His grace, how great His faithfulness

How deep His love, how rich His mercy

How high His thoughts, how sure His wisdom

And all of these, He gives to me

Chorus:

So I will praise Him, with every breath

For He has rescued me, from certain death

And now this life I live, I live in Him

O let His glory shine, while mine grows dim

How just His way (I was lost)

How good His discipline (with no where to turn)

How pure His truth (I never would have found my way)

How kind His goodness (without His hand)

How calm His peace (He reached down for me)

How long His patience (I’ll never understand how all of these)

And all of these (yes, all of these)

He gives to me

Back to chorus

How vast His grace (how broad His power)

How great His faithfulness (how grand His majesty)

How deep His love (how true His reign)

How rich His mercy (how bright His glory)

How high His thoughts (How strong His might)

How sure His wisdom (How clear His triumph)

And all of these (And all of these)

He gives to me

Back to chorus

Amen! Amen!

Prayer of Abandonment

I offer this prayer every morning, a prayer of abandonment by Charles de Foucald.

Father,
I abandon myself into your hands; do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you:
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures.
I wish no more than this, O Lord.

Into your hands I commend my soul;
I offer it to you
with all the love of my heart,
for I love you, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into your hands,
without reserve,
and with boundless confidence,
for you are my Father.

by Charles de Foucald

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi

This is my favorite prayer. The prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.


O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

Psalm 23

This is my favorite passage in Holy Bible.

Psalm 23 (New International Version)
A psalm of David

1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death*)
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

Footnote:
Psalm 23:4 Or through the darkest valley

This passage makes me calm. I can feel peace in my heart after reading it everyday.

Forgive and Hate

Lately I found how hard to forgive. The more I try, the more I fail. The hate is so deep, that I can't forgive. There's a quote...

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you"...

Gee, I'm a prisoner now. A prisoner of my hatred, my emotion and I can't let it go. What am I suppose to do? To forgive is not an easy thing. To forgive also means to forget. With an open wound like this, how can I forgive? How can I forget? I really want to learn . I want to forgive, so I can be free.

"God, please teach me to forgive as You have forgiven me."

Silent Moment

Each morning I try to have my moment of silent. A moment which I use to read the Holy Bible, try to understand what God wants me to do today, and offering my morning prayer. I use this book titled "Our Daily Bread" to help me understand the Bible.

Well, yesterday topic is about surrender. After I read the Scripture passage and try to understand its meaning, I come to find this quote: Surrender becomes victory when we yield to God. In times of trial, it's not easy for us to trust our God. When I'm on trial, I try to run away. I try to ask "WHY".

According to my reading, each struggle we have means God want to make us better. God want us to do something. There's a lesson in each trial. Be willing to sacrifice your agenda for His greater purpose. Surrender to Him and you will find comfort.

"Lord take my life and make it wholly Thine; fill my poor heart with Thy great love divine; take all my will, my passion, self and pride; I now surrender, Lord - in me abide"

The Mask

One day in a seminar the speaker asked, “How long do your wear your mask?” I was shocked to hear that question. He said that everyone has their own mask. Either we realize it or not, sometimes we wear our mask. The mask shows a different personality, a different side of you, to be someone who you want to be and someone who everyone loves. Don’t you hate to wear your mask but sometimes we wear it… just to make someone happy or to cover up our inability.

Do you know how tired to wear those masks? Do you have any idea how heavy it was? Someone says, “When you started to lie, you will end up with another bigger lies! Can you cope with it?” It’s true… it started a little lie and you have to lie all the time. The hardest part was to remember each character we played and to whom we played it to.

Let’s try to take off the mask, to bring the truth to everyone. It’s hard but worth to try. Do it one step at a time, because we don’t want to hurt anyone although we already did. The lessons are just be you, be honest and love yourself.

“Just be yourself, because you are special!”

Look Ahead!

"It's better to look ahead & prepare than to look back & despair!"

Let's begin this August with those spirit. Try not to look back yet start to look ahead. Plan your future, think your action and do your best. Don't forget to leave the rest to God!

Life ends when you stop dreaming;
Hope ends when you stop believing;
Love ends when you stop caring.

Endometriosis

What you see in the picture is chocolate-endometriosis or chocolate cyst. It was taken from my uterus 3 years ago. Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus (the endometrial stroma and glands, which should only be located inside the uterus) is found elsewhere in the body.

Endometriosis lesions can be found anywhere in the pelvic cavity: on the ovaries, the fallopian tubes, and on the pelvic sidewall. Other common sites include the uterosacral ligaments, the cul-de-sac, the Pouch of Douglas, and in the rectal-vaginal septum. In addition, it can be found in caecarian-section scars, laparoscopy or laparotomy scars, and on the bladder, bowel, intestines, colon, appendix, and rectum. But these locations are not so common. In even more rare cases, endometriosis has been found inside the vagina, inside the bladder, on the skin, even in the lung, spine, and brain.

The most common symptom of endometriosis is pelvic pain. The pain often correlates to the menstrual cycle, but a woman with endometriosis may also experience pain that doesn’t correlate to her cycle. For many women, the pain of endometriosis is so severe and debilitating that it impacts their lives in significant ways. Endometriosis can also cause scar tissue and adhesions to develop that can distort a woman’s internal anatomy. In advanced stages, internal organs may fuse together, causing a condition known as a "frozen pelvis." It is estimated that 30-40% of women with endometriosis may not be able to have children. If you or someone you care about has endometriosis, it is important to research the disease as much as possible. Many myths and misconceptions about endometriosis still persist, even in medical literature. For many women, management of this disease may be a long-term process.

For further information you can go to www.endometriosis.org

Source: www.endometriosis.org

Fibroadenoma or Fibrocystic Breast

Let me introduce you to Fibroadenomas. The picture you see is a fibroadenoma. It was taken from me 10 years ago.

What is Fibroadenoma?
These are solid, non-cancerous tumors that often occur in women during their reproductive years. A fibroadenoma is a firm, smooth, rubbery lump with a well-defined shape. It will move under your skin when touched and is usually painless. Over time, fibroadenomas may grow larger or smaller or even disappear completely. Although your doctor can usually identify a fibroadenoma during a clinical exam, a small tissue sample is necessary to confirm the diagnosis.

What are the symptoms?
If you have fibrocystic breasts, you may notice the symptoms right before your menstrual period. They probably get better by the time your period ends. You may find that: Your breasts are swollen. They feel tender or painful. Women often describe this as a dull or aching pain, heaviness, or soreness. Your breasts feel lumpy. Your doctor may call this "generalized breast lumpiness." Lumpy (cystic) areas feel thick. You may have one or more lumps that are always in the same area and that grow and shrink with each menstrual cycle. The lumps move if you push on them. (A lump that is cancer usually does not move but feels stuck to your ribs.) Symptoms can be on one or both sides, and can reach up to and under the armpit. Many women first notice fibrocystic breast changes in their 30s. At this age, your hormone levels start to vary more than before.

How are fibrocystic breast changes diagnosed?
If you notice a new breast lump, wait through one menstrual cycle. If it is still there after your period, see your doctor for a breast exam. If you are not having menstrual periods, see your doctor for a breast exam as soon as you notice a new lump. To diagnose fibrocystic breast changes, your doctor will do a breast exam and ask when you had your last period. If your doctor needs more information, you may have a mammogram, ultrasound, or needle biopsy. Your doctor can teach you how to check your breasts at home. When you know what’s normal for you, you’re better able to notice changes and know when to get help early instead of waiting for your next checkup. A self-exam is not a substitute for a mammogram or a clinical breast exam.

Source: health.yahoo.com

Thankful

"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." (by Steve Maraboli)

Your life is beautiful. Each time I wake up, I give thanks for the new day, the new spirit, and the new opportunity to make it a better day. to be thankful is easy, try it!

Favorite Quote

This is my favorite quote:
"Why worry when you can pray?"
In times of trouble, this quote brings me faith and hope.