I'm very tired, waked up with a bad mood... I can't sleep well last night. The fear that has been haunting me for the last 15 years is happening again. The fear that no one must know, the fear that I will bring to my death.
I was sure that my fear won't haunting me again but when I thought God answered my prayer... it started to happen again. Aaarrgghhh!!!!! I hate this side of me.... I hate to be weak, dependent, unable to speak... Damn!!! I should be stronger than this... I should...
October 31, 2008
October 30, 2008
Twilight - the series
Lately I've been reading Twilight - the series by Stephanie Meyer. This series consist of 4 books; Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. I enjoy reading it very much, never thought I still have a big imaginary to imagine the story. The novels tell me about an impossible love and a sacrifice. A romantic and action novels. So far, I've read all 3 series, 1 more left.
Let me try to give a little review on Twilight. Twilight begins with a girl named Bella who moves from Phoenix to Fork, Seattle. She moves in with her father after her mother remarried. She is an ordinary and sloppy girl. She meets this Edward, who is cold handsome and nonchalant boy in her school. They both fall in love. The only problem is... Edward is a vampire and Bella is a human. A vampire eats human blood. How can they be together? Just read it... you never imagine how much you will love the story.
Enjoy reading!
The Fear
Here is the result after I went to the doctor last night....
The uterus and ovary are clean. There were no indication of cysts. The hurt that I feel for the last 8 days came from an endometriosis that grows outside the womb area. This endometriosis can't be seen through USG and we can't do anything to make it gone. The only available action we can take is to make it smaller. If we do the operation the doctor can minimize it by burn it with laser. Since it wasn't dangerous, we don't need an operation.
The doctor said that I will always feel the hurt each time I have my period. So she gave a medicine is a hormonal thing. The medicine suppose to help me with the hurt. But it has a side effect... i will have more testosterone than progesterone. The effects are different to each person. Hopefully it won't give much bad effect. Medicine mustn't be taken more than 3 months.
Any ideas how to reduce the hurt from endometriosis?
The uterus and ovary are clean. There were no indication of cysts. The hurt that I feel for the last 8 days came from an endometriosis that grows outside the womb area. This endometriosis can't be seen through USG and we can't do anything to make it gone. The only available action we can take is to make it smaller. If we do the operation the doctor can minimize it by burn it with laser. Since it wasn't dangerous, we don't need an operation.
The doctor said that I will always feel the hurt each time I have my period. So she gave a medicine is a hormonal thing. The medicine suppose to help me with the hurt. But it has a side effect... i will have more testosterone than progesterone. The effects are different to each person. Hopefully it won't give much bad effect. Medicine mustn't be taken more than 3 months.
Any ideas how to reduce the hurt from endometriosis?
October 29, 2008
Conquering My Own Fear
This last few days, I have been so afraid. It's concerning my health. Lately I'm having this hurt in my right stomach and I'm afraid it's the symptom of my cyst/endometriosis. Afraid to have it grow back again, afraid to face another operation...
Actually, I sense the cysts again since last year, but too afraid to go to gynecologist. Afraid to know the truth will break down my spirit. Last year, it was 4cm and when it reach 5cm... the doctor has to take it away from my uterus. After done some alternative way with acupuncture, the cyst gone. Then I never check it again.
Today, I finally take a courage to call the doctor office to make an appointment since the hurt getting stronger and stronger. Please pray for me, so I can be strong to face it. Please help me, God... for I'm nothing without You...
Actually, I sense the cysts again since last year, but too afraid to go to gynecologist. Afraid to know the truth will break down my spirit. Last year, it was 4cm and when it reach 5cm... the doctor has to take it away from my uterus. After done some alternative way with acupuncture, the cyst gone. Then I never check it again.
Today, I finally take a courage to call the doctor office to make an appointment since the hurt getting stronger and stronger. Please pray for me, so I can be strong to face it. Please help me, God... for I'm nothing without You...
October 28, 2008
Moral Lesson 5
This is the final story:
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in-charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain..... I should be in-charge because I run all body functions. Blood..... I should be in-charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain. Stomach... I should be in-charge because I process food to the brain. Legs...... I should be in-charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes...... I should be in-charge because I let the brain see where it's going. Asshole... I should be in-charge because I get rid of your waste. All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1: Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2: Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3: Legs got cramps and became unstable Day 4: Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5: Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6: The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in-charge.
Moral of the story: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN-CHARGE"
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in-charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain..... I should be in-charge because I run all body functions. Blood..... I should be in-charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain. Stomach... I should be in-charge because I process food to the brain. Legs...... I should be in-charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes...... I should be in-charge because I let the brain see where it's going. Asshole... I should be in-charge because I get rid of your waste. All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1: Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2: Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3: Legs got cramps and became unstable Day 4: Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5: Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6: The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in-charge.
Moral of the story: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN-CHARGE"
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