Shamed on You

Have you ever felt ashamed with yourself because of something that you did? Something that you shouldn't do but you still do it then after that, you directly regret it. I believe there are moments when someone felt that way.

A friend of mine said that she was ashamed because she couldn't hold her anger toward someone. I have the same experience too. One day I was so angry to one of my colleague. After I scolded him, another colleague said: "why did you do that to him?" I couldn't hold my anger, I was ashamed.

Recently, I felt so low because I beg and ask something again and again. I don't know why I kept doing it. I often remind myself not to do it, yet I always repeat it. Till I realized that I made other see my fragility by asking about it. Oh! Why I did it? Where did I put my self esteem? I shouldn't have let other see my weakness, my fragility. Shame on you, Sutaaraito! Shame on you!

Learned the lesson and move on!

Grow Old With You

I want to write about this song for sometimes yet I forget it all the time. I never hear this song before. I found it when I was looking for something in Google with the key words: grow old with you. I really like this sentence and wondering who would be the one to grow old with me :-). I looked for the song with the help of a friend and when I listen to it, I like it. This is the song lyric:


I WANT TO GROW OLD WITH YOU
by Westlife


Another day
Without your smile
Another day just passes by
But now I know
How much it means
For you to stay
Right here with me

The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing in everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

A thousand miles between us now (sigh)
It causes me to wonder how
Our love tonight remains so strong
It makes our risk right all along
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/w/westlife/i_wanna_grow_old_with_you.html ]
The time we spent apart will make our love grow stronger
But it hurt so bad I can't take it any longer

I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing in everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

Things can come and go I know but
Baby I believe
Something's burning strong between us
Makes it clear to me

(this last Chorus twice)
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes
I wanna be there for you
Sharing in everything you do
I wanna grow old with you

ENOUGH!

I really don't know how to explain the way I feel or what should I do. If I told you the story, would you help me to find the best way to solve it? OK, here I go...

Back in 1995, I was in high school. I have a close friend name B (prefer not to tell her real name). We were so close, we sat next to each other during our first year. As the second year rolled, I found another friend who became close too, let's name her C. Now, I have 2 close friend. I didn't know what happen. I tried and gave my best to both of them, yet one of them became so angry with me. That day, B asked me to come earlier at school just to told me that she didn't like my close relationship with C. Oh! No... What happened??? I thought I was being fair in treating both, but why she complained? As time goes by, I kept my distance with C during the second year.. But on the third year, I became closer again to C til this very day. Yes, I still build a good relationship with B, but not as close as before.

Now, let's go back to 2011, I have another close friends again... Not just one but some. Again I tried to treat them equally. But just this one person, who I consider as little sister, suddenly complained that I changed. I also feel that she is jealous of my close relationship with others. This situation reminded me of what happened in 1995. The same name and I can feel the same complain.

Why each time I close to someone, he or she acted like a possessive person? Are they becoming sensitive? I really don't like being in this situation. I really hate it. One of my close friend said, that it is my fault since I become toooooo close with someone. Am I being tooooo close? Should I stay away for awhile? Probably I should, as I feel uncomfortable in this kind of relationship.

I know there is a saying a close friend will stay close even when I say I want to be alone. But this time I really want to be alone. For me, I would appreciate if the one who close to me know when is the time to stay close and the time to stay away. If I continue this, I might become a harsh or mean person which will ruin the relationship. I should really stay away and re-evaluate everything. I think I have enough... Already twice, I should learn my lesson!!!

(I like this picture... It describe me the most right now)

Pictures belong to:

www.johnehrenfeld.com

myhalfglassedlife.blogspot.com