December 16, 2010

I Have Nothing To Say


Try to give the most of your time
They say the best gift to your love one is time
Try to care in every way that you can
They say show your love by caring for each other

When everything was rejected,
The good intention was unappreciated
An empty heart left behind...
I have nothing to say anymore!

Wish to have a stone heart that won't break
Want to own a big heart that will let go
Learn to possess a strong heart that won't hurt

picture's source:
womensbiblecafe.com
December 11, 2010

Living Alone

For a very long time I wished to be able to live alone. I want to live just by myself, consider that I'm an indifferent person, the choice to live alone always come in my mind. I even pray for it to happen. God heard my prayer. I live... not alone but not with my family.

By the second semester of this year, my dad has been transferred by his office to another city. My mum already lives in another city for a long time. While my brother still lives in the same city but not in the same house. I thought I will live alone when my apartment finish but with many changes in live. Now, I live with my maid and my dog. My parents usually visit me at the end of the month.

Sometimes I miss my family so much, till it hurts. As the time goes by the feeling gradually disappear. It's not that I forget them, I still built a good communication with them. I'm enjoying my life now, I even get fatter... LOL... I'm free now!

"Thank you, God. I know you always listen to my prayer. You always know the best for me. I believe in You and in Your wonderful plan for me. Hold me and never let me go, because I am nothing without you. Thank you!"

Sincere Repentance

I don't know where I found this article... I forget it. This is a wonderful story of repentance. I want to learn to be able to have a sincere repentance. Would you like to learn to? Read this article below:


The monk Chu Lai was beaten by a teacher who did not believe anything he said. However, the professor's wife was a follower of Chu Lai, and demanded that her husband had to apologize to him.

Displeased, but without the courage to deny his wife's wishes, the man went to the temple with her and murmured some words of repentance.
"I do not forgive you," replied Chu Lai, "go back to work."

The woman was horrified. "My husband is humiliated, and you were not generous!"

And Chu Lai responded:
"Within my soul there is no rancor. But if he is not truly sorry, it is better for him to recognize now that he is mad at me. If I had accepted his apology, we would be creating a false state of harmony, and this would further increase the anger of your husband."
November 26, 2010

Another Big Decision

This year is an awesome year. Why do I call it as an awesome year? Because of some important decision that I took. Some of them are big decision that need a lot of bold to do it. I really made it...

This month I took another big decision, a big step to let go of something... To let go of my first assets. I sold my motorcycle, Yamaha Mio. I bought it two years ago with a weird reason. Well, I bought it for my brother because I feel sorry for him that his transportation to the office depend on other person. So, I bought it in order to make him arrive on time at the office.



I remember when I bought it for the first time, the whole family said I made a wrong choice of motorcycle. My dad even insulted it as a broken piece. Well, there was some problem with it when I bought it. But after I repaired it, no serious problem afterward.

I hardly use the motorcycle, even when my brother didn't use it. I trusted him with the bike and he took a good care of it until my dad bought him a car. He just left the bike like an old and broken piece. I felt so devastated, even my dad wanted to sell it. Is that the right attitude after it gave so much help to you? Or maybe I am too sensitive?

Anyhow, I finally decided to sold it after I almost hit a man with it. Actually I never good at riding a motorcycle. My mind always wondering around, so hard to focus on the road. There is another reason why I sold it, but I rather keep my reason alone. Psst, I haven't told my family about it at all.

Wish one day I could get it back, maybe in another form... A car??? LOL...
November 16, 2010

Marriage: It's a choice

I don't know how many wedding mass I have attended, either as a guess or as a choir member that sing at the wedding. Last Sunday I was attending another wedding job. Since I attend many weddings, I saw a wedding as another phase of life when two people decide to spend their life together as husband and wife.



"Marriage is a choice", our priest said. Marriage is not a must. But each choice has its own responsibility. Many parents think that marriage is a must when their children reach certain age. Will it be a happy life when you force something? I don't believe it will be a happy life when you are force to do it.

Yet a decision to marry must come from the heart. Both must realize the consequences and responsibility of marriage. Being a married couple, I believe is not as easy and happy as it seems. A big heart which tolerate, support and love is needed. Two people with two different back ground, attitude, and believe try to live under the same roof. Hmm, that's not easy at all. I also believe that love will conquer it all.

So, whatever the choice you made, be sure that you are ready for each responsibility. Maybe the responsibility is hard but nothing is impossible with the help of God.

Make your choice carefully!
November 11, 2010

In Love You


It's the moment when you say hello. 
The time you keep for me. 
Your smile, your sweet words, your gentle care. 
Then I realized... I'm in love with you.

picture source:http://www.webdesignhot.com/
November 08, 2010

The Proposal



I don't know for how many times I watch The Proposal. I like this movie very much. Always love the story about how two people fall in love and try to work on their love. The story begins with Margaret Tate (Sandro Bullock) who is a successful editor threaten by the immigration department due her US visa is about to expired. She is a Canadian and soon will be deported due this matter.

Trying to find her way to stay in US, she plans her engagement with her secretary, Andrew Paxton (Ryan Reynolds). Well, Andrew was shocked, yet he accepted the proposal with a promise of job appraisal as an editor. They tried to deceive the Immigrant Officer with their plan. The challenges began with their vacation on Andrew's hometown. I didn't know how they can fall in love when they dislike each other very much. Yes, this is a happy ending movie.

A movie that you have to watch!!!
October 26, 2010

THINK OF ME - The Phantom of The Opera

I listen to this song in a talent show. This girl, Putri Ayu, has a beautiful soprano voice. I watched her several time and like her voice very much. Although she didn't win the competition, I believe there is a better future for her out there especially with that kind of voice. Wish you all the best Putri Ayu.




Think of Me is a song in The Phantom of the Opera. This movie is based on a novel above. The story is about the journey of a little girl named Christine. Christine was a singer in a Paris Opera House. One night she was kidnapped by Erik - the ghost of the opera - who lived at the cellar of the opera house. Erik fall in love with Christine during the kidnapping and so was Christine. Later Erik release her and asked her to wear a ring and to promise to be faithful to him.

Raoul, Christine's childhood friend, also in love with Christine. They met again at the opera house. This song - Think of Me - was Christine and Raoul's song. Here is the lyric:

CHRISTINE:

Think of me, think of me, fondly,
when we've said goodbye
Remember me once in a while
please promise me you'll try.

When you find that, once again, you long
to take your heart back and be free -
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me ...

We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember,
stop and think of me ...

Think of all the things 
We've said and seen
Don't think about the way 
Things might have been ...

Think of me, think of me waking,
Silent and resigned
Imagine me, trying to hard
To put you from my mind

Recall those days, look back on all those times,
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day,
When I won't think of you ...

RAOUL:

Can it be? Can it be Christine?
Bravo!

Long ago it seems so long ago
how young and innocent we were
She may not remember me,

But I remember her ...

CHRISTINE:

We never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But please promise me, that sometimes
You will think of me!


The complete story of The Phantom of the Opera was tragic to me. A love that was so big to be able to let go the one you love to be happy with someone else. I really want to watch the movie. I will look for it when I have time.

Further reading on The Phantom of The Opera please follow this link below:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Phantom_of_the_Opera
October 22, 2010

KARMA

Something comes up in my life, it's not new yet it surprise me so much. Truly I never imagine it will come from someone who I respect in life. I admire her in my own way, in her marriage which against her family culture, her works, her kind heart.

Lately I discover an attitude of her that really surprise me. I mean, a lot of people already warned me about this, but I don't want to judge someone like that. My rule is a positive mind creates a positive attitude. So I try my best to think positively about other and expect others will think positively about me. Is it wrong to have such rule?

New changes in my working life reveal the whole things. I refuse to believe it, but I reality shocked me. Why? I mean how can such a nice and religious person have that kind of attitude? I just have one question for her:

"Do you believe in karma?"

I don't think she believes it. I just hope that she will realize, how wrong she has been. From now on, I decide to stay as far as I could from her. I pray that God will guide her in the right path.
October 14, 2010

THE NECROMANCER

I read this book last week. When it comes to the book I like, it won't take much time for me to finish it. I finish this book in 3 days. Here is my review of the book:



The Necromancer is the fourth book of Nicholas Flamel's series, written by Michael Scott. Necromancer is a magic that can raise the dead and only Dr. John Dee has this skill of magic. Back to San Fransisco, the twins Sophie and Josh return to their aunt house where they encounter Scathach's twin sister, Aoife, who is desperate to find her sibling. The rapidly aging Flamels -- gearing up for a fight with the scary creatures on Alcatraz -- decide to take Josh to Prometheus to learn the Magic of Fire.

Having been unable to regain the two final pages of the Codex, Dee has failed his Elder and is now an outlaw. He enlists the help of Virginia Dare to reach San Francisco and begin his world-domination plans. With the Codex and the creatures on Alcatraz, he can control the World. All he needs is the help of the Archons. But for his plan to work, he must raise the Mother of the Gods from the dead. For that, he'll have to train a necromancer.

October 13, 2010

The Perfect Heart

A young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley. A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. 

But an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." 

The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly but full of scars. It had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in … but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. The young man looked at the old man's heart and laughed.

"You must be joking," he said. 

"Compare your heart with mine … mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears."

"Yes," said the old man...

"Yours is perfect looking … but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love….. I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them … and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges."

"Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away … and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges … giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too … and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?

The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man.

The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit …. but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges. The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.

Footnote:
I saw this article on my favorite author, Mr. Paulo Coelho's blog. When I read it, I was moved by the story. How perfect is your heart? That question keep haunting me.

October 09, 2010

Focus

May not rest to fight
The game is just begin
The road to win is far
With Your help I will run

Hope as high as the sky
Dream big to reach my goal
Stay focus, focus, and focus!

Dear God,
Help me to stay focus on my goal,  lead me in your way so I know which path to choose. Hear me when I feel so low, encourage me to stand up, love me with Your unfailing love. And most of all... teach me to love You more everyday...
September 30, 2010

CRACKING



I felt so lonely. 

Surrounded by many but still empty. 
Many things happened, unavoidable changes. 
I'm tired, inside and out! The world moves so fast which I find so hard to adjust.

Separated! Each one of us went in our own path. 

Struggle to live and stand on our own. 
Sometimes I wonder, why this thing happened? 
I don't know where to turn or run, everything went blank.

Try so hard to fight it, not to let anyone know about this weakness inside.

Questioning why no one care but wait... I'm the one who don't want their attention. 
What a useless question! Stupid one actually!

I'm cracking now...
Trying to be strong, trying to hold on...
Everything will be just fine...
Really???
September 29, 2010

THE SORCERESS BY MICHAEL SCOTT


Finally I have the time to read the third of Michael Scott, THE SORCERESS (THE SECRETS OF THE IMMORTAL NICHOLAS FLAMEL). Waiting for this book for quite sometime, I read the first and second book last year. When I read the title of this book, I got excited since I like to know more about Perenelle Flamel - The Sorceress. In previous book, Perenelle was describe as a powerful sorceress, she has greater power than his husband - The Immortal - Nicholas Flamel.

As I read the book, I enjoyed the adventure of Nicholas, Sophie, Josh, and Perenelle. After the incident in Paris, Nicholas took Sophie and Josh to London. He wanted for them to learn another power, water. He asked Gilgamesh the King, the master of the element of water to awaken the twins. While in Alcatraz, Perenelle struggled to escape from the island with the help of spider elder, Areop-Enap. As an army of poison flies attacks and wounds Areop-Enap, Perenelle must contend with the combined evil of Billy the Kid and Machiavelli who have formed a rather improbable tag team with the intention of destroying her once and for all.

Nice book! I recommend everyone to read it, all the series. I'm looking forward for the fourth book called THE NECROMANCER.
September 28, 2010

STELLA MARIS CHURCH - ISRAEL

A friend of mine just got back from Israel. He told about his journey and gave me this picture that remind him so much of me. He said when he saw the chapel, he shouted "I know someone with this name." He said the church was beautiful with many art work that amazed him. Look at this:






Thank you so much, PJ. Thanks for the pictures and thanks for your prayer. God bless you and keep you!
September 27, 2010

Letters to Juliet


I watched this movie with my dad. To watch a romantic movie with your dad was really a bad idea, but both of us enjoy each other company since we are far away from our romantic partner. What makes me fall in love with this movie is the view of Italy. Wow! Italy is so beautiful, the vineyard, the city, everything... Of course I fall in love with the story too.

Letters to Juliet is a beautiful love story. When Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) and her fiance travel to Verona, Italy. She meets a group of volunteers who respond to letters written to Juliet seeking romantic advice. Sophie finds and answers a letter that has been lost for 50 years, and is stunned when its author Claire (Vanessa Redgrave) arrives in Italy to find the fiance she left decades before. Fascinated by Claire's quest, Sophie joins on an adventure through the beautiful hills of Tuscany searching for Claire's long lost Lorenzo. The journey will change their lives forever, as they discover it's never too late to find true love.

I tried to find out the letter that Sophie wrote to Claire. The letter that made Claire have the courage to find her true love. Here is her letter:

'What' and ‘if’ two words as nonthreatening as words come. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: ‘What if?'...

I don't know how your story ended. But I know that if what you felt then was love - true love - then it's never too late. If it was true then it why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart...

I don't know what a love like that feels like... a love to leave loved ones for, a love to cross oceans for... but I'd like to believe if I ever felt it. I'd have the courage to seize it. I hope you had the courage to seize it, Claire. And if you didn't, I hope one day that you
will.

The lesson I learn from this movie is "not to give in finding your true love". So, for you who in search of true love, don't give up on first trial. Maybe the road will get rocky, maybe you will find many disappointment, yet the journey of finding a true love will always be interesting. Hope everyone will find their true love.
September 22, 2010

Second Chance

Today I read a quote from one of Paulo Coelho's fans site, it says "God always offers a second chance in life." This is an interesting quote, so I decide to write about it.






Do you believe in second chance?


I think many of us want a second chance. A chance to undo something that we have said or done. This is my experience of wanting so much on a second change.


When I was in senior high, my teacher warned us about an upcoming test. He asked us to prepare for the test. When he entered our classroom that day, he asked "have you studied last night?" I was in the afternoon class, the class started at 1pm until 6pm. So, I can study at night or in the morning. My answers to that question was "no" because I studied in the morning, his statement was "last night". Actually some of us stated NO for an answer.


My teacher became angry and he canceled the test. Everyone who said YES, complaint to us. That day I wished to have a second chance to say YES. Unfortunately, the teacher still angry even when we explained or said sorry. We didn't get our extra point from the test. I was so sad that day. 

Although we didn't get my second chance that day, a week later the teacher gave us another test and most of us got a good mark. At the end of the school year we all passed that subject with flying colors...


Well, anyhow... I do believe there is a second chance and everyone deserve it. A second chance to make everything better. Just open your mind and heart to embrace it. Do not give up in despair, there will be a new day with a new hope for everyone. Be strong in faith, hope, and love!

Picture source:
http://www.turnbacktogod.com/poem-another-chance/
September 12, 2010

To Sir Philip, with Love



One day a close friend of mine asked me what kind of novel I like to have as a birthday gift. Well, it was funny to know your birthday present before the birthday. Yes, I have read a lot of novel and I think the reason behind her question was not to give a novel that I already read or own. Brilliant way, Blue Jasmine. 

I chose two novel and my first choice was Julia Quinn - To Sir Philip, with Love. I search the book online and fall in love when I read the brief review. Here is the brief review as I quoted:


My dear Miss Bridgerton,

We have been corresponding now for quite some time, and although we have never formally met, I feel as if I know you. Forgive me if I am too bold, but I am writing to invite you to visit me. It is my hope that we might decide that we will suit, and you will consent to be my wife.

—Sir Phillip Crane

Sir Phillip knew that Eloise Bridgerton was a spinster, and so he'd proposed, figuring that she'd be homely and unassuming, and more than a little desperate for an offer of marriage. Except... she wasn't. The beautiful woman on his doorstep was anything but quiet, and when she stopped talking long enough to close her mouth, all he wanted to do was kiss her... and more.

Did he think she was mad? Eloise Bridgerton couldn't marry a man she had never met! But then she started thinking... and wondering... and before she knew it, she was in a hired carriage in the middle of the night, on her way to meet the man she hoped might be her perfect match. Except... he wasn't. Her perfect husband wouldn't be so moody and ill-mannered, and while Phillip was certainly handsome, he was a large brute of a man, rough and rugged, and totally unlike the London gentlemen vying for her hand. But when he smiled... and when he kissed her... the rest of the world simply fell away, and she couldn't help but wonder... could this imperfect man be perfect for her?



The story is very interesting since I have been in a long distance relationship. I love the story, the courage of Eloise. She is a bright intelligent woman who already labeled as a spinster by her society. Her correspondence with Sir Philip bring her the courage to meet the man she hardly know and give a chance to know him more. Well, in real world several of friends married foreigners. They met online, dated online (using email, web-cam, telephone), and finally meet in person. Some continue their relationship to marriage stage, some decide to break up. 

What I learn from this book? Hmm... let's see shall we? 
It's hard to know someone just by a letter no matter how honest we are to each other. It takes a great courage to start a long distance relationship. Yet, nothing is impossible in the name of love. Give a chance to it, and it will surprise you. To everyone who has courage to build a long distance relationship, don't give up!

Source:
http://www.juliaquinn.com/books/phillip.php
September 02, 2010

Thanks to You

This entry is dedicate to all my friends. Thank you for your love and attention on my birthday. Special thanks to:

Ko Eric
For the dinner on July 30 and the birthday wishes on August 30. Thank you for remembering my birthday, bro.

Monalisa
Thank you for the bag. I will always miss you.

Fransiska
Girl, thank you very much for you text message on August 30.

NIt2x
My little sister, thank you for being the first to say Happy Birthday and for the most creative gifts. Red for the candle, orange for the glove, white for the card drive, and black for the scarf. You really know my favorite colors. Also, for the poem, the IKEA Catalog and the last letter to close my b-day.

Imelda
Honey, thank you for the prayer on my birthday.

Blue Jasmine a.k.a Rika
My big sister, thank you so much for the lovely novels and prayer.

Siska Yunita
You are so kind to me. Thank you for the "Special Gift Book" and for the blouses. Wow! You never stop giving me surprise throughout the years. Thanks for the monthly reflection book too.

Ruben Gonzalez
Thank you very much for the birthday song in Spanish. It is a lovely song. This is the first Happy Birthday song I ever hear in other language beside English and Indonesian. Thank you for singing it to me.

Ruth Virginia
Happy birthday too, sister. Thank you for the "S" pendant. I always want this pendant, but never get it. Already have an "I" and "N", now I finally got a pendant of my first baptism name character. Thank you very much, Ruthie.

And thank you to everyone else who congratulate me on my special day. I wish you all the best thing in life, more happiness and success. God bless you, my friends.

Here is the picture of my gifts:

August 25, 2010

Pterygium and Pinguecula

This is funny, mostly I found out about my disease in August, either early or end of August. I discovered my fibroadenoma on early August 1998, my endometriosis also in early August 2005, pterygium or pinguecula in end of August 2010.

Actually in 2005, I got a problem with my sight, it became blur. I went to an ophthalmologist and he said there was an injury in my cornea. A year later, I went back to the same doctor because my eyes were hurt again. He diagnosed there was something like cyst in my right eyes. A little benign or lump on the white area of my eyes.

Last week, suddenly my eyes hurt, not red but painful. I gave a regular eye drop but it didn't help. On Monday I saw for the very first time, there is another small benign under the first benign. I went to an eye clinic, the doctor said it can be remove only by surgery but the surgery will only be perform if the benign disturb the cornea. She ordered me to wear glasses all the time to prevent it from going bigger. The wind, sunshine, and sand/dust will trigger the growth.

What is pterygium and pinguecula?

A pterygium is a fleshy growth that invades the cornea (the clear front window of the eye). It is an abnormal process in which the conjunctiva (a membrane that covers the white of the eye) grows into the cornea.

A pinguecula is a yellowish patch or bump on the white of the eye, most often on the side closest to the nose. It is not a tumor but an alteration of normal tissue resulting in a deposit of protein and fat. Unlike a pterygium, a pinguecula does not actually grow onto the cornea. A pinguecula may also be a response to chronic eye irritation or sunlight.

For further information of pterygium and pinguecula can be search on this website below:

http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/392/main.html
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1192527-overview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pterygium
August 18, 2010

Can You Love Me For Me?


 It's hard to love someone for the way they really are. We often want to change someone we love in someone we want. Realize it or not, that's commonly happen in our lives.


Recently I watch another Glee session, there was a part when Kurt's father state how much he loves his son for who he is, no matter what kind of life he choose. In this story, Kurt is a high school teenager who happen to be gay. His father always fight for his son's right to be treated equally in public. I'm amazed by this father character, on how he loves his son just the way he is.

Meanwhile in my real life, I experience rejection from several guys. Most of them stated that I have a high living standard. They said I have a higher level of education and living style. I don't know why they always had the same reason.

Hmm, let's take a look on what they say...

Starting from the family, my dad always say that I am an arrogant person. He always want more and more of me, it's like being me is never enough for him. I remember he said one time that he educated me not to make me an arrogant person. Hmm...

One of my close friend said that I am too good so he doesn't deserve me. Another close friend said that I have a higher education. My ex boyfriend broke up with me because I have a high living style (to have a life like I'm a rich person or something like that).

I don't want to defend myself or plead. I just have one question for you guys...

CAN YOU LOVE ME FOR ME?
August 12, 2010

Dare to Live (Vivere)



My brother brought home a CD of Andrea Bocelli, the album called Vivere. I was a bit confuse why he bought the CD, he just said it's a gift from his friend. Although I didn't understand the meaning of all the song since most of them are in Italian, but I love this song very much. Its music, its English lyric, and of course Andrea Bocelli's voice... Beautiful...

DARE TO LIVE
(VIVERE)


Try looking at tomorrow not yesterday
And all the things you left behind
All those tender words you did not say
The gentle touch you couldn't find

In these days of nameless faces
There is no one truth but only pieces
My life is all i have to give

Dare to live until the very last
Dare to live forget about the past
Dare to live giving something of yourself to others
Even when it seems there's nothing more left to give

Ma se tu vedessi l'uomo
Davanti al tuo portone
Che dorme avvolto in un cartone,
Se tu ascoltassi il mondo una mattina
Senza il rumore della pioggia,
Tu che puoi creare con la tua voce,
Tu, pensi i pensieri della gente,
Poi, di Dio c'e solo Dio.

Vivere, nessuno mai ce l'ha insegnato,
Vivere, non si può vivere senza passato,
Vivere è bello anche se non l'hai chiesto mai,
Una canzone ci sarà, qualcuno che la canterà

Dare to live searching for the ones you love
(Perché, perché, perché, perché non vivi questa sera?)
Dare to live no one but we all
(Perché, perché, perché, perché non vivi ora?)
Dare to live until the very last
(Perché, perché, perché la vita non è vita)
Your life is all you have to give (Perché)
non l'hai vissuta
Vivere!

Dare to live until the very last
(Perché, perché, perché Ia vita non è vita)
Your life is all you have to give (Perché)
non l'hai vissuta mai

I will say no (I will say yes)
Say dare to live
Dare to live
August 09, 2010

Green Raccoon

An old friend of mine suddenly send a message on my blackberry said: "Try this... character test, almost accurate, follow the link below: http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/." Out of curiosity, I open the website and here is my result:


You are Green Raccoon, who is affectionate, and have womanly attraction wafting around.
You give an impression of a dreaming little girl, but unlike your outside impression, you are very cautious and do not easily let other people in your heart.
Characteristics of this type of people tend to be rather weak and simple.
You want to depend on others heavily.
Therefore, you are good at reading people's character, and have clear preferences of people.
Although you tend to be a quiet person, you have intelligence, and once you are in action, you become very practical.
Your dreams are big, and you try to make it come true through your experiences.
Your dream will be decided according to the circumstances you are born.
Raccoon people have kind hearts and are full of volunteer spirits.
You take extreme good care of those people below your rank or those who are weak.
You are always enduring and show perseverance.
You are especially not afraid to face men.
You don't like to be alone, and therefore feel safe where there are lots of people.
By working and living in a group will improve you, and makes it possible to understanding yourself further, and be able to build up a better life.
Once married, you will do anything to help your husband, and can become a good housewife.
But you may become little too demanding, so be careful.

Most of it are true. Yes! I'm very cautious and do not easily let other people in my heart (if you are my friend, you are very lucky... LOL... because I don't let anyone enter my heart so easily). Yes! I'm weak, fragile and simple (although you see me as a strong person, inside I am weak and fragile). Yes! I have a big dream and a kind heart (hope others won't use my kind heart for the wrong purpose). Yes! I am always enduring and showing perseverance (you have to know me well enough to know this characteristic of mine). Yes! I'm not afraid to face men (there is nothing to be afraid of from a man). No! I like to be alone, just me and myself. I like to be alone so I can review my life, build my dream and prepare my heart to be strong. 

This is another test of my characteristic and I hope everyone know me a little bit better now.
August 05, 2010

New Report on The Pain

It's been quite a long time since i wrote about my endometriosis pain. The last 2 months, the pain when I got my period was still as usual. As for the pain killer I change into Novalgin, recommended by a friend of mine who is a doctor... Thank you, Devie. Novalgin consist of metamizole sodium. It is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug, commonly use as a powerful analgesic and antipyretic .

This month period came on August 3, but I feel the pain since Aug 2nd. It hurt especially when I raise up from sit position. The pain is like... imagine that you have an open wound located on your inner elbow. When you close your arm the wound will stick to another skin and when you open the wound will cause you pain because it's not dry enough and still stick to the skin (I hope I describe it clearly). It's like tearing your clothes apart. It hurt so much. The burning sensation of it make me pause a while. So, each time I stand up, I have to adjust my balance... hold on the wall or the table until the pain disappear then I start to walk. 

As write and post this entry, I still feel the pain. After 2 days in a row using pain killer medicine, I decided to stop. Hopefully I can endure the pain (cross my fingers). Turn out I made a wrong decision, it hurt so badly all day long... even when I took the pain killer... D'oh!

Itai... Itai... Itai... :'(

By the way, I want to thank my friend, Ruben (again) for trying to help me with the pain. Thanks for showing me the website of self hypnosis. I'll try it. Hope I will be able to stop the pain with it.
August 02, 2010

Birthday Wishes 2010

I remember last year my friend ask me to write my birthday wish 1 month before the date. I want to make is as ritual, although this is very early. Making birthday wish is fun. Since it's a wish, so I can make as high as I can, right?

Last year birthday wish was mostly  to stay close to God. The wishes granted by many friends. They gave me religious books and rosary. The good thing is I still receive my gift every month (many thanks to Siska). I'm very grateful for all my friends who support me all the way.

This year birthday wishes are iPhone and furniture for my upcoming apartment. Why iPhone? Because I want to change my old Nokia 6300. The option is between Sony Ericsson - Xperia or Samsung - Galaxy or Nokia E71. Confuse!!! So, I choose something different... an iPhone. Since it is expensive, I make it as a birthday wish. Grant it or not, doesn't matter...

About the furniture, as you know I just bought an apartment and the developer will hand it over by this December. I really need to fill it with furniture so I can live there. Hope to be able to fill it by second semester of 2011. Want to help me with the furniture?

WHAT!!! No religious stuff for this year birthday wish? Of course I still have religious wishes that I need to build with the help of God and friend. One of the religious wish is to go to Lourdes, a huge and high wish. Is there anyone willing to pay for my trip to Lourdes??? LOL

Well, this is it... My birthday wishes of 2010.

It is Prohibited

​IT IS PROHIBITED
By Pablo Neruda

It is prohibited to cry without learning,
to get up one day without knowing what to do, 
to have fear of your memories ...

It is prohibited not to smile at problems,
not to fight for what you want,
to abandon everything for fear,
not to turn your dreams into reality ...

It is prohibited not to try to understand people, 
to think that their lives are worth less than yours, 
not to know that everyone has their own way and happiness ...

It is prohibited not to create your history, 
not to have a moment for the people that need you, 
not to understand that what life gives you can also be taken away ...

It is prohibited not to search for your happiness, 
not to live your life with a positive attitude, 
not to believe that one can improve, 
not to feel that without you, this world would not be the same ...

Special thanks to my friend, Ruben, who gave me this poem. It is a beautiful poem and I love it. Thank you, bro!
July 17, 2010

DEFYING GRAVITY

I heard this song from GLEE. Actually I hardly watch TV, until a friend of mine (Grace) told me how funny this serial. This is a unique TV serial because this one combine between musical and romantic drama. Well, I have seen action and romantic serial, but none musical serial. When I watch it, I fall in love with it. 

There are many song in this serial and this song draw my attention. It called Defying Gravity. Read the lyric below and if you know me well enough, you will know why I love this song very much. 

DEFYING GRAVITY
by GLEE cast

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!

It's time to try
Defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I am defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you wont bring me down!

I'd sooner buy
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try
Defying gravity
And you won't bring me down!
bring me down!
ohh ohhh ohhhh!
July 16, 2010

Loved by You


Not good enough or too good
Not bad enough or too bad
Confuse of the standard
Rejected by the nature
Once I beg, twice I plead
And again, the answer is no
Don't you know how I feel?
Being rejected again and again
Seeing myself as a failure
Watching my soul shrink
Am I that bad? Am I too good?
Now I discovered a great love
Unfailing love that hold me
A love that never judge or self-seeking
A love that no man can't give
You love me for who I am
No matter how good or bad
Thank you for loving me, Jesus
I'm blessed and I'm loved by You
July 15, 2010

I Thank My God for You

This a brand new song in my choir, requested by the bride and groom. Never heard this song before but directly love it when I read the lyrics. The song called "I Thank My God for You" composed by Joseph M. Martin, inspired by Philippians 1:3.

I THANK MY GOD FOR YOU

I thank me God for you
Each time I think of you
Each time I pray for you, 

I'm filled with thanks giving

For every word and deed
For helping those in need
I thank the Lord for you and give Him the glory


And even when we are apart
You are always in my heart
We are bonded by God's Holy Spirit


For we are one in God's embrace
One in love's unfailing grace
We give voice to one great aleluya


Aleluya aleluya aleluya aleluya aleluya aleluya aleluya 
I give thanks
I thank my God and give my praise


And when the day is done
And every race is run
God's perfect grace will bring us home
We will be together forever and ever more


Wish I could attach the MP3 but I can't find it. 
July 14, 2010

Smile

I remember a friend asked me to listen to this song when I was down. Thank you so much, big bro (Adi Susanto). Now, I can't say that I'm down but somehow I feel so low. It's like trying to reach the unreachable. It's like praying without no one listen.

Once more I hear the song, and sing together with the singer. This song tries to make me smile no matter what happen in life. It said that by smiling maybe there is a new hope for a better future... who knows... Although is hard to smile now, I'll try my very best to smile.

SMILE
By Charlie Chaplin

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
July 13, 2010

IF by Rudyard Kipling

This poem is given to me by G. Thank you, G! He said he hated this poem when it was given to him as a graduation present from his high school but now he loves it. Well, i think this is a nice poem about life. Read it!

IF 
by Rudyard Kipling (1899)

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
July 02, 2010

Deo Dicamus Gratias

I love this song for a long time. I forget when or where I heard it for the first time, but the melody and its simple lyrics are beautiful. I want to sing this song with my choir team and finally, for July 10th wedding mass, we will sing it.

The song called "DEO DICAMUS GRATIAS" composed by Victor C. Johnson. It means "Give Thanks to God". 

Deo Dicamus Gratias
Benedicamus Domino
Deo Gratias

This song reflects my heart today. I'm grateful and thankful to Jesus. He always loves me with the most wonderful love I ever know. He always there for me, to guide and to hold me. He listens to all my prayer and one by one He grants my wish in His time. I'm amazed by His love. Stumble on my knee I say "Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for everything".

Deo Gratias!
June 28, 2010

TSUKAREMASHITA

I'm sick and tired
Being trap in the same thought
Unable to free my mind
Keep questioning why
Try to understand
Ashamed with my weakness
I want to run from this
Hide in a place far away
This is too much
How much is enough?
Tsukaremashita....
June 22, 2010

Review: WHEN IN ROME

I saw another movie last night, called WHEN IN ROME. A nice romantic comedy movie, perfect for everyone in search for love. It's more like a fairy tale that we have when we were a child. We often dream about our perfect man... handsome and rich... Wait, that's not what I dream of. Actually I forget about that dream... LOL



A little review about the movie.

This movie start with Beth (Kristen Bell), a curator, who think that falling in love is a hard thing to do. She loves her job very much and does not have time to fall in love. One day she has to go to Rome to attend her baby sister wedding. In Rome, there is a legend about Fountain of Love. Here is how it work: throw a coin to the fountain and make your love wish, it will make your love wish come true. 

Desperate and angry, Beth took some coins from the Fountain and the story began. Back in New York she always followed by several man. They are the owner of the coins from Fountain of Love. She took 5 coins, so there are 5 men after her. A wealthy sausage king, a model, a painter, a magician and a clumsy reporter. What will happen next? Watch the movie...

I wish everyone to find their true love. Remember this: Never give up!
June 14, 2010

A Big Decision

This is a year of boldness, if I may say. I did a lot of stuffs that I never imagine before. Many things beyond my limit, like extreme sport (rafting) or playing games such as roller coaster and space shot. I never have thought I could do or will do. Most recent boldness action was to take a decision to buy an apartment.



The thought of buying a house was never across my mind until this year. I stay in a city on a house that belong to my father' office (my office too). In the next two years, he will enter his retirement. So, the need to buy a house is an urgent matter. Where will I live in the next two years if I don't have a house or a place to stay? I was thinking of renting a house but the cost is a waste. I know it would be cheaper but if I collect all the money for rent, I can buy a house with it.


This apartment was belong to a friend. He couldn't afford to pay the mortgage so he sold it. Well, my boss was the one who encourage me to buy it. He also promise to help me with the payment. Frankly, I don't have enough saving to buy this apartment. The saving is like zero!!! I spoke to my dad about it and he promise to help too.

Many thanks to those who help me and who pray for me. I really hope I can pay the apartment, with your help... I know I can do it.

-------
Picture is taken from: studioapt.wordpress.com/2008/07/...artment/
June 03, 2010

Sinusitis

Recently I have been diagnosed with maxillary sinusitis. It's not a surprise me, since I had cold and flu for a long time. My sinusitis was chronic. When I went to the specialist, she wondered how can I stand the inflammation. I replied that I didn't feel anything beside cold and flu. I have studied a little on sinusitis through many sites. Here is the most frequent ask questions about sinusitis:





What is sinus?
A sinus is a hollow space within the bones of the face. The sinuses are lined by a delicate membrane called mucosa. The function of sinusitis is to humidify and warm the air, add to the sense of smell and to play a significant role in the quality of human sound. It is well-known that during acute sinusitis, rhinitis and the common cold, the quality of our voice changes and the senses of smell and taste are reduced.

What is rhinitis?
Rhinitis is an inflammation of mucosa (delicate lining of the inner body surfaces) of nasal passages.

What is sinusitis?
Sinusitis is an inflammation of the mucosa of various sinuses, which are located around the nasal passages. Usual symptoms include increased nasal secretions and pain or headache around the sinuses.

What are the symptoms related to sinusitis and blockage of the ostium (openings of the sinuses)?
The following are symptoms of sinusitis, which occur when the sinuses are inflamed and ostium are blocked:
nasal congestion, runny or stuffy nose, pain in the upper jaw or teeth, loss of sense of smell or taste, headache, night time cough, persistent fatigue, fever; white, yellow or green discharge.

What is maxillary sinusitis?
Chronic maxillary sinusitis is defined as sinusitis lasting longer than 12 weeks. Suggestive history as above may include chronic facial pressure (maxillary region), headache, rhinorrhea, postnasal drip, decreased sense of smell, or dental pain.

What are the causes of rhinitis and sinusitis?
Cold viruses, bacterial of fungal infections, nasal polyps and deviated nasal septum, allergies, smoking, dust or environmental pollutants, grass and smog, moderate severe acid reflux.

How is the treatment?
The treatment of acute maxillary sinusitis is usually perscription of a broad-spectrum cephalosporin antibiotic resistant to beta-lactamase, administered for 10 days. Surgery for chronic sinusitis is reserved for those patients who did not respond to medical therapy. Medical treatment should include 3-6 weeks of antibiotics, nasal steroids, and nasal saline irrigations. Antibiotics should be chosen after cultures are obtained endoscopically if possible. Oral steroids are used if significant nasal edema is observed on nasal endoscopy. A short course of decongestants and mucolytics should be considered for patients with significant nasal congestion and thick nasal secretions. CT scanning should be obtained to confirm clinical suspicion of chronic sinusitis. Findings may include significant mucosal thickening, air-fluid levels, ostiomeatal complex obstruction, polyposis, or calcification suggestive of fungal sinusitis.


My Treatment Experience
I took medication for 10 days. My medicines are clarinase, lamison, and cravox. The first time after taking the medicines, I felt nausea, dizzy, and sweaty. Then I searched and found out that the dosage was too big for me. I reduced it myself without consultation. After the medicine finished, I felt a strong headache and hard to open my left eye. So, I saw another specialist and she confirmed that my previous medicines were not suppose to be mixed together. Gee... I'm OD!!! Then she gave me something for the headache and rhinitis.

Hope this information will enrich you about sinusitis.
May 22, 2010

If Only I Could

If only I could
I want to turn back time
Where I can be with you

If only I could
I want to be back
To the first day I know you

If only I could
I want to be in your arms
To feel the warm of your breath

If only I could
I want to hold you tight
So close to your heart so I can hear the beat

If only I could
I want to reach for you
And hold your hand forever

If only I could
I want to tell you
I love you

... If only I could...
May 11, 2010

18 Years Ago



This day, 18 years ago
I saw my mom cry
Sadness was in her eyes
She fainted several times

This day, 18 years ago
My dad looked so tired
I know he was sad
But he didn't show it

This day, 18 years ago
The neighbors came
They cleared the house, removed the furniture
They made the room look bigger

This day, 18 years ago
I was cooking a soup
When one of the neighbor broke the news
I stumbled and cried

This day, 18 years ago
My beloved little brother died...

I love you, Agung
Rest in peace, my dear brother

Picture is taken from: www.sendflowerstomumbai.com