I'm very tired, waked up with a bad mood... I can't sleep well last night. The fear that has been haunting me for the last 15 years is happening again. The fear that no one must know, the fear that I will bring to my death.
I was sure that my fear won't haunting me again but when I thought God answered my prayer... it started to happen again. Aaarrgghhh!!!!! I hate this side of me.... I hate to be weak, dependent, unable to speak... Damn!!! I should be stronger than this... I should...
October 31, 2008
October 30, 2008
Twilight - the series
Lately I've been reading Twilight - the series by Stephanie Meyer. This series consist of 4 books; Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. I enjoy reading it very much, never thought I still have a big imaginary to imagine the story. The novels tell me about an impossible love and a sacrifice. A romantic and action novels. So far, I've read all 3 series, 1 more left.
Let me try to give a little review on Twilight. Twilight begins with a girl named Bella who moves from Phoenix to Fork, Seattle. She moves in with her father after her mother remarried. She is an ordinary and sloppy girl. She meets this Edward, who is cold handsome and nonchalant boy in her school. They both fall in love. The only problem is... Edward is a vampire and Bella is a human. A vampire eats human blood. How can they be together? Just read it... you never imagine how much you will love the story.
Enjoy reading!
The Fear
Here is the result after I went to the doctor last night....
The uterus and ovary are clean. There were no indication of cysts. The hurt that I feel for the last 8 days came from an endometriosis that grows outside the womb area. This endometriosis can't be seen through USG and we can't do anything to make it gone. The only available action we can take is to make it smaller. If we do the operation the doctor can minimize it by burn it with laser. Since it wasn't dangerous, we don't need an operation.
The doctor said that I will always feel the hurt each time I have my period. So she gave a medicine is a hormonal thing. The medicine suppose to help me with the hurt. But it has a side effect... i will have more testosterone than progesterone. The effects are different to each person. Hopefully it won't give much bad effect. Medicine mustn't be taken more than 3 months.
Any ideas how to reduce the hurt from endometriosis?
The uterus and ovary are clean. There were no indication of cysts. The hurt that I feel for the last 8 days came from an endometriosis that grows outside the womb area. This endometriosis can't be seen through USG and we can't do anything to make it gone. The only available action we can take is to make it smaller. If we do the operation the doctor can minimize it by burn it with laser. Since it wasn't dangerous, we don't need an operation.
The doctor said that I will always feel the hurt each time I have my period. So she gave a medicine is a hormonal thing. The medicine suppose to help me with the hurt. But it has a side effect... i will have more testosterone than progesterone. The effects are different to each person. Hopefully it won't give much bad effect. Medicine mustn't be taken more than 3 months.
Any ideas how to reduce the hurt from endometriosis?
October 29, 2008
Conquering My Own Fear
This last few days, I have been so afraid. It's concerning my health. Lately I'm having this hurt in my right stomach and I'm afraid it's the symptom of my cyst/endometriosis. Afraid to have it grow back again, afraid to face another operation...
Actually, I sense the cysts again since last year, but too afraid to go to gynecologist. Afraid to know the truth will break down my spirit. Last year, it was 4cm and when it reach 5cm... the doctor has to take it away from my uterus. After done some alternative way with acupuncture, the cyst gone. Then I never check it again.
Today, I finally take a courage to call the doctor office to make an appointment since the hurt getting stronger and stronger. Please pray for me, so I can be strong to face it. Please help me, God... for I'm nothing without You...
Actually, I sense the cysts again since last year, but too afraid to go to gynecologist. Afraid to know the truth will break down my spirit. Last year, it was 4cm and when it reach 5cm... the doctor has to take it away from my uterus. After done some alternative way with acupuncture, the cyst gone. Then I never check it again.
Today, I finally take a courage to call the doctor office to make an appointment since the hurt getting stronger and stronger. Please pray for me, so I can be strong to face it. Please help me, God... for I'm nothing without You...
October 28, 2008
Moral Lesson 5
This is the final story:
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in-charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain..... I should be in-charge because I run all body functions. Blood..... I should be in-charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain. Stomach... I should be in-charge because I process food to the brain. Legs...... I should be in-charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes...... I should be in-charge because I let the brain see where it's going. Asshole... I should be in-charge because I get rid of your waste. All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1: Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2: Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3: Legs got cramps and became unstable Day 4: Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5: Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6: The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in-charge.
Moral of the story: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN-CHARGE"
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in-charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain..... I should be in-charge because I run all body functions. Blood..... I should be in-charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain. Stomach... I should be in-charge because I process food to the brain. Legs...... I should be in-charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes...... I should be in-charge because I let the brain see where it's going. Asshole... I should be in-charge because I get rid of your waste. All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1: Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief Day 2: Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly Day 3: Legs got cramps and became unstable Day 4: Eyes became watery and vision became blurred Day 5: Blood became toxic and poisoned the body Day 6: The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in-charge.
Moral of the story: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN-CHARGE"
Moral Lesson 4
Here is the fourth moral lesson story :
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! -........”
Moral of the story: “THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool. Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool. The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!! -........”
Moral of the story: “THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU SAY SOMETHING, BECAUSE SOMETIMES ACCIDENTS DO HAPPEN"
October 27, 2008
Moral Lesson 3
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over he question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? -"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of kee was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
Moral of the story: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over he question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......??? -"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of kee was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
Moral of the story: "NEVER INSULT ANYONE"
October 24, 2008
Moral Lesson 2
Here is moral lesson 2.
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, "Listen", said the CEO. "This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" ask the CEO.
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
Moral of the story:
"NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand, "Listen", said the CEO. "This is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" ask the CEO.
"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."
Moral of the story:
"NEVER, NEVER ASSUME THAT YOUR BOSS KNOWS EVERYTHING"
October 23, 2008
Moral Lesson 1
I find 5 moral lesson in this funny stories. I received from a friend. Hope you will find the lesson too. Here is lesson 1:
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each."
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Puff... And he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted, " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Puff... And he was also gone. The boss calmly said, " I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12:55 pm."
Moral of the story:
"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
LESSON 1
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each."
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Puff... And he was gone. Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted, " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Puff... And he was also gone. The boss calmly said, " I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12:55 pm."
Moral of the story:
"ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSS TO SPEAK FIRST"
October 16, 2008
My Health
I was sick for the last 3 weeks with a simple disease (so ashamed!!!). I have a cold and cough since early October. I should see doctor sooner - when I still sick more than 6 days. But my stubbornness leads me to my condition now. Can you imagine? 3 weeks of a cold and cough!!!
I do careless about my health - have to admit it. Instead staying away from water, I played around in water for more than 6 hours. Instead of going to the doctor, I went out till midnight. This is my punishment! I've already went to see doctor and take medicine for 3 days. There is no progress in my health. I still have a cold and cough even worse than before. I’m thinking maybe the doctor gave me wrong medicine. Hhmmm….
Hope I can get better before Sunday because I have to help my choir team in a wedding mass. So, please help me… God!
October 11, 2008
Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV)
This passages inspire me to be a better person. It teach me not to be worry and how to stay positive while the whole world is negative. It also teach me how to gain peace from God. So each time I feel or need to be positive, I'll read this passage below:
Philippians 4: 4-9 (NIV)
4Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
May the LORD keep you and bless you!
October 09, 2008
Take a Bow
Yesterday, I looked on a blog and noticed the word "Take a Bow". It reminds me of a song that sang by Madonna. I loved this song, although it's a sad song but the lyric is beautiful. Here is the lyric....
TAKE A BOW
By Madonna
Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]
Chorus:
I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]
(chorus, repeat)
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
All the world is a stage [world is a stage]
And everyone has their part [has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart
I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
(chorus)
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Say good-bye
TAKE A BOW
By Madonna
Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There's no one here
[There's no one here, there's no one in the crowd]
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there's no one around [no one around]
Watching you, watching me, one lonely star
[One lonely star you don't know who you are]
Chorus:
I've always been in love with you [always with you]
I guess you've always known it's true [you know it's true]
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Make them laugh, it comes so easy
When you get to the part
Where you're breaking my heart [breaking my heart]
Hide behind your smile, all the world loves a clown
[Just make 'em smile the whole world loves a clown]
Wish you well, I cannot stay
You deserve an award for the role that you played [role that you played]
No more masquerade, you're one lonely star
[One lonely star and you don't know who you are]
(chorus, repeat)
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
All the world is a stage [world is a stage]
And everyone has their part [has their part]
But how was I to know which way the story'd go
How was I to know you'd break
[You'd break, you'd break, you'd break]
You'd break my heart
I've always been in love with you
[I've always been in love with you]
Guess you've always known
You took my love for granted, why oh why
The show is over, say good-bye
(chorus)
Say good-bye [bye bye], say good-bye
Say good-bye
October 08, 2008
Faithful
On this month, many experience lead me to think about faithfulness. First, it came from my silent morning time. All the topics were related to how great is His (God) faithfulness. Second, came from a song. Remember a song called All of These? Third, came from my friends who always be there for me.
At this moment, I like to talk about faithfulness of God. One said, "Life is not always fair, but God is always faithful." I found so many things that I called unfair. But I believe that God is faithful. Here is the way I look... In a game, there will be a winner and there will be a loser. Both team prepare for the competition and maybe pray the same thing (to win the game). But there's only 1 winner. Is God unfair? No, for me... He is fair.
Faith is holding up of the faithfulness of God, as long as we do that... we can't go wrong.Faith doesn't look at itself or the person who is exercise it.
Faith looks at God. Faith is interested in God only. Faith is allowing your soul to go beyond what your eyes can see. For we walk by faith not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7)
At this moment, I like to talk about faithfulness of God. One said, "Life is not always fair, but God is always faithful." I found so many things that I called unfair. But I believe that God is faithful. Here is the way I look... In a game, there will be a winner and there will be a loser. Both team prepare for the competition and maybe pray the same thing (to win the game). But there's only 1 winner. Is God unfair? No, for me... He is fair.
Faith is holding up of the faithfulness of God, as long as we do that... we can't go wrong.Faith doesn't look at itself or the person who is exercise it.
Faith looks at God. Faith is interested in God only. Faith is allowing your soul to go beyond what your eyes can see. For we walk by faith not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7)
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