Song: Tak pernah padam - Sandy Sandoro

My long distance relationship has ended a few days ago. It was a sweet relationship that taught me many lessons. I learned that I can love again after painful relationship. I learned that I love to be  loved. I learned to respect my partner, being patient, and love him unconditionally. 

This relationship failed due the lack of communication and doubts. His doubts were killing me. No matter how much I want to fix this relationship if the communication and doubts remain, it won't survive. I tried and begged and fought hard for this relationship to work. I didn't care how he treated me, how he put this relationship with no future, how he rejected me, how he blocked me. I just love him and wanted so much to be with him. 

It took a big courage to end this relationship, as he accused me of cheating. Cheating with another LDR, while I cannot even handle one LDR. As I stated at the first time I met him, I don't want another LDR. Yet he insisted to give another chance. I did, regardless how difficult this type of relationship. I am tired of explaining, tired of demanding, tired of accepting, tired of giving. I give up. I am letting you go as you wish when you blocked me from everything.

I remember a quote from Mother Teresa: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." His doubts hurt me so much and now the only thing left is love. Did he love me enough to overcome his doubts? I think he believes in his thought more than he loves me. I choose you, I choose to love you in silence now, where there are no more doubts.  

I heard this song a few days ago. I love its lyric and I dedicate this song for you...

Tak Pernah Padam (Never Die)

by Sandy Sandoro

Senyumanmu masih jelas terkenang / Your smile still clear in my memory

Hadir selalu seakan tak mau hilang dariku / Your present won't disappear from me

Takkan mudah ku bisa melupakan / It won't be easy for me to forget you

Segalanya yang telah terjadi / Everything that has happened

Di antara kau dan aku, / Between you and me

Di antara kita berdua / Between you and me

Kini tak ada terdengar kabar dari dirimu / There is no news from you now

Kini kau telah menghilang jauh dari diriku / You have gone away from me now

Semua tinggal cerita antara kau dan aku / Only stories stay between you and me

Namun satu yang perlu engkau tahu / But one thing you should know

Api cintaku padamu tak pernah padam, / My love for you never die

Tak pernah padam / Never die

Thank you for your love, your time, your sacrifice. Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me the way I need it. Wish I can hold your hands one more time...

Gadget: Samsung Galaxy Core

My Oppo Find Way was broken, the battery can't not be charged. I already tried with many charger, such as: its own charger, Blackberry charger, Nokia charger, also charge it with laptop, none of it worked. The battery is planted inside so I cannot just buy and replace the battery on my own. I cannot buy a new phone and take it to service center because my money is really tight.

I feel so frustrated because I use the android for work and for my long distance relationship. I tried to move all the apps to my Samsung Galaxy Tab 1. As you know the tab is very heavy, difficult to take pictures, and it gives more weight to my shoulder. After several days of not having android phone, my boss lent me his Samsung Galaxy Core. He said he found very difficult to communicate with me without android. 

I am using Samsung since March 29, 2015. It was a bit confusing to me, because I am not use to it. As I learned to adapt with it, I enjoy this phone. A bit review on this gadget based on my previous Oppo, with the same RAM, I find Oppo much faster. Oppo has a better camera even for the selfie camera. I can put 2 sim cards in Samsung Core, while Oppo only provide 1 slot for micro sim card. I only need to place 1 sim card so I don't use the second slot at Samsung Core. The total point for Samsung Core would be an average good phone. It is enough to those who only use for chat and browsing.  

Unfortunately, in a few days, I have to return the phone. My boss wants to give it to someone else. Bye bye Samsung. Still unable to buy a new phone yet due my financial condition, I look for a cheaper phone. The options are between Lenovo or Asus. Still haven't decide yet, waiting for the money. 

Just want to thank you to my boss. Thank you so much for lending me this phone, it helps me in many ways.
Thank You Lord, for providing me what I need. 

Song: Terbaik Untukmu

I was looking for a song that represent my feeling, my sad mood, my sorrow heart. Tried to hear some old Japanese' song which come to my mind, but still cannot catch my feeling. Until I heard a song at the radio. It's been awhile that I listened to the radio. Yesterday evening as my way home from office, I played the radio on my phone. Searched from my favorite radio channel and found this song. 

Terbaik Untukmu / The Best for You
by Tangga

Lyric:
Aku sadar kalau kini / I realized now
Kita sudah smakin menjauh / We are growing apart
Sempat aku berpikir ini / I thought
Kau yg menginginkannya / You wanted this
Lepas dari pelukku / Free yourself from me

* Oh kini aku sadari / Oh now I realized
Ini salahku / It's all my fault
Tak ingin ku terlambat dan sesali / Don't want to be late and regret it

Reff: 

Maafkanlah bila ku selalu / I'm sorry if I always
Membuatmu marah dan benci padaku / Make you angry and hate me
Ku lakukan itu semua / I did all that
Hanya tuk buatmu bahagia / Only to make you happy

Mungkin ku cuma tak bisa pahami / Maybe I cannot understand
Bagaimana cara tunjukkan maksudku / How to show my intention
Aku cuma ingin jadi terbaik untukmu / I just want the best for you

Aku ingin kau tetap di sini bersamaku / I want you to stay here with me
Jangan Pergi / Please don't go
Berikan satu kesempatan / Give me one more chance
Untuk ku membuktikan / To prove to you
Sesungguhnya cintaku / My real love

Repeat *
Repeat reff

Dedicated to someone, I lost you...

Tried to be honest & exposed my deepest feeling...

Should I remain in silent while my heart hurts in many ways?

Unworthy to be fight for... that's me!

Health: Me and My Sensitive Teeth

"Sensitive teeth is often detected when we eat or drink something hot, cold, sweet, or sour. The pain can be sharp and sudden and can shoot deep into the nerve endings of your tooth."

I have sensitive teeth, a very bad one. Lately when I drink even normal room temperature water, it can cause me so much pain. I already used sensitive toothpaste but it didn't help. The pain gets worse day by day, so I went to my dentist.

What cause sensitive teeth?
"You get sensitive teeth when your gums pull back and expose the surface beneath, called the dentin. This soft layer makes up the inner part and roots, which have thousands of tiny tubes that lead to the tooth's nerve center (the pulp). These channels allow the trigger -- for example, the hot, cold, or sweet food -- to reach the nerve in your tooth, which results in the pain you feel."

Teeth Structure

There are other things that can cause sensitive teeth. My dentist said the wrong way of brushing your teeth can cause it too. When the dentist checked me out, a little touch of her tool cause me pain. It located at the canine right lower teeth. The gum was lower than the other. She asked whether I used sensitive toothpaste for sensitive teeth, and I confirmed it. She said the only thing that can help me was to give white filling (bonding) to cover exposed root surface. She said this procedure usually works for sensitive teeth. I let her do it.

It was pretty painful and awkward after the filling. I feel a bit pain as I ate for several days. Now, I get used to the filling and no longer feel pain. Even though the big problem already solved, I still have another sensitive teeth at the upper level. That night, the dentist tried to find which one, yet still unable to discover it. The pain for sensitivity become less now. But I really need to find out the upper level sensitive teeth.

The dentist also recommended me to use dental floss instead of toothpick. She said toothpick can also be the cause to sensitive teeth. Well, I never use dental floss. She suggested to use the one with handle. I already bought it but until now I still don't know how to use it, haha. Me and my sensitive teeth!

Dental floss with handle

Knowledge source:

http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/guide/tooth-sensitivity

Picture source:

http://biology-igcse.weebly.com/human-teeth-and-dental-decay.html

http://www.dentistdentalcare.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/flossing-brush.jpg

Lesson: The Magic

It’s been 2 years since my father passed away and I still think of him everyday. He was a wonderful father to me. He was the one who thought me to love reading. My first novel was called “A Woman of Substance” by Barbara Taylor Bradford. I was so shock when he brought me the novel, it was so thick (more or less 944 pages). For me who wasn't like to read, it was a heavy book. Hehe.

That wasn't the first book my father bought for me, he bought a lot of book since I was a little. Story books, school books, and many other books. I have one last book that he bought me. He knew I love this author. That day, when we passed through a book store, he said “It’s a new book from Rhonda. Do you want to read it?” I replied, “Yes.” He bought me that book, called “The Magic”.

“In The Magic, Rhonda Byrne reveals this life-changing knowledge to the world. Then, on an incredible 28-day journey, she teaches you how to apply this knowledge in your everyday life. No matter who you are, no matter where you are, no matter what your current circumstances, The Magic is going to change your entire life!”

The last time I read this book was the day when my dad passed away.  Since that day, I never open the book anymore. On that day, I read the Day-15 Journey. It was about magically heal your relationship and the example was about heal relationship with someone who already passed away. Never have thought that my father will pass away that day. I was so devastated and too sad to read the book again.

Now, as a memory of him, I will start to read the book again. I will try to follow each day journey inside the book and learn from it. Thank you, papa, for this book. I love you, always have, and always will.