Lesson: Birthday Wish

My birthday was last month. I wrote this entry before my birthday but forgot to schedule to publish it. I still want to publish it now even though it's late.

On my birthday, I thank God for loving me for the last 35 years of my life. He always be there for me in every step. Thank you, mom, for delivering me to this world, your love always with me. Thank you my brother and sister in law for the dinner. Thank you, honey for singing me the birthday song. Thank you my little sister for the birthday cake & knitting tools. Thank you my big sister for the new batik shirt. Thank you my best friend for the books, eyeliner, fragrant soap, ethic pants, etc. Thank you for making my birthday so special. 

On my birthday, I have 2 wishes.

First wish is to be able to stay healthy. I know how weak my body is. I know I can't sleep without medicine. I know I have to regularly see doctor. But.... this last 2 years, I barely do it because of some reasons. I am afraid to know about my health. I am afraid to know the result as I see doctor or medical report. Due this reason I often avoid going to see doctors. The other reason is my financial situation. Well, my financial situation is unstable. Seeing a doctor isn't cheap especially when the doctor is a specialist. I keep trying to save some money to see doctor, but I end up with no money. 

Second wish is to be able to see my boyfriend in real. We have a long distance relationship and it's been a year now. Although I was afraid to have another LDR, my boyfriend was the one who convinced me that this time will be better. Our relationship wasn't smooth, we often fight, argue and misunderstand, we broke up several times too. In spite of it, we still together and try to fight for our love. I really wish I can meet him in person on my birthday.

Love: Wedding Dress

This evening I watched another episode of "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC. I love watching this show, cause I learn a lot about finding wedding dress. This show makes me wonder what would it be like when I find my own dress one day, would I be wearing it one day?

What I learn? Hmm...
I learn that finding a wedding dress is not easy at all. The bride-to-be have fantasy about her dress but sometimes when she tries the dress, she doesn't like it or she doesn't look good in it.

I learn that there are many type of woman's body and to my surprise, there will always be a dress for every type. So either you're thin or fat, either you're tall or short, there will be a dress for you. It might be hard to find and make you want to give up, but don't give up just yet. There's a dress for you.

I learn that too many person who help you decide, sometimes make you confuse. So, just focus on small family member such as parents, sister & brother, your BFFs. Just follow your heart when the opinion isn't what you expected.

I learn that making a decision on such a big commitment in marriage isn't an easy. The most important isn't about the dress, but the life after the wedding. The upcoming challenges are more big. For you, all bride-to-be, keep believing that you will find your dress, be happy, be beautiful. Always holds your love to one another and put it above everything and you can face any upcoming storms as you enter the marriage life.

Poem: Wither

Don't you know how much I worry?

Don't you know how much I love you?  

Don't you know how much I miss you? 

I want to spend my time with you

Wish that you can feel me
Wish that you can see my love
Wish that you can touch this heart
and know how fragile I am

This soul starts to wither....

Love: Happy 1st Anniversary

I love you without knowing

How or when or from where

I love you straight forwardly

Without complexities or pride

So I love you because

I know no other way than this

(Pablo Neruda)

Happy 1st anniversary, honey

I love you so much...

May you hold this hands forever

My Funny and Yet Amazing God

Lately I have been facing a difficult problem which somehow burden me. I can't stop thinking to find a way out of it, but until today I still stuck with the problem. A problem that have haunt me for several years and keep going on. There are times when I feel it not as heavy as it seems yet in many times I feel it so heavy that I want to give up. Last week, when I feel how heavy the problem and how to solve it, I was in a lot of stress. My neck began to stiff and clogged nose more often, I am really in a difficult phase. 

During my lectio divina moment last week, God strengthen me with many scriptures that I read. Even for 3 days in a row He spoke to me about "don't worry", about "being still", and about "His beautiful plan for me". His words really encourage me and I want to share one of the words that I read. This words was brought to me by Joel Osteen on one of his Today's Word series. As I quote:

It was like God was saying, "I can make it rain whenever I want to. I can use a little cloud, a big cloud or no cloud. I'm God. I'm the All Powerful Creator of the universe. When I say rain, I don't need a cloud. When I say healing, I don't have to have medicine. When I say promotion, I don't need your boss's approval. When I say abundance, I don't need a bank. I'm not limited by the natural. I'm a supernatural God.

When I read this words, I laugh so hard until my friend turn her head and ask me what's wrong. Ha-ha. I like what Joel's wrote, it gave me a slap on my cheek which remind me how amazing my God is. This words really confirming of what I have been receiving in my lection divina moment. Again, God wants me to stay still and know that He is a supernatural God. He can do everything for me even when I think it's impossible. 

I slept well that night, knowing that I don't have to worry. Until now I don't have solution to my problem, but I feel less worry. I know God will help and His timing is perfect. Thank You, Lord, for being such a funny and amazing God to me.

Picture source:
http://www.missosology.info/forum/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=146166