Pterygium and Pinguecula

This is funny, mostly I found out about my disease in August, either early or end of August. I discovered my fibroadenoma on early August 1998, my endometriosis also in early August 2005, pterygium or pinguecula in end of August 2010.

Actually in 2005, I got a problem with my sight, it became blur. I went to an ophthalmologist and he said there was an injury in my cornea. A year later, I went back to the same doctor because my eyes were hurt again. He diagnosed there was something like cyst in my right eyes. A little benign or lump on the white area of my eyes.

Last week, suddenly my eyes hurt, not red but painful. I gave a regular eye drop but it didn't help. On Monday I saw for the very first time, there is another small benign under the first benign. I went to an eye clinic, the doctor said it can be remove only by surgery but the surgery will only be perform if the benign disturb the cornea. She ordered me to wear glasses all the time to prevent it from going bigger. The wind, sunshine, and sand/dust will trigger the growth.

What is pterygium and pinguecula?

A pterygium is a fleshy growth that invades the cornea (the clear front window of the eye). It is an abnormal process in which the conjunctiva (a membrane that covers the white of the eye) grows into the cornea.

A pinguecula is a yellowish patch or bump on the white of the eye, most often on the side closest to the nose. It is not a tumor but an alteration of normal tissue resulting in a deposit of protein and fat. Unlike a pterygium, a pinguecula does not actually grow onto the cornea. A pinguecula may also be a response to chronic eye irritation or sunlight.

For further information of pterygium and pinguecula can be search on this website below:

http://www.healthscout.com/ency/68/392/main.html
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/1192527-overview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pterygium

Can You Love Me For Me?

 It's hard to love someone for the way they really are. We often want to change someone we love in someone we want. Realize it or not, that's commonly happen in our lives.


Recently I watch another Glee session, there was a part when Kurt's father state how much he loves his son for who he is, no matter what kind of life he choose. In this story, Kurt is a high school teenager who happen to be gay. His father always fight for his son's right to be treated equally in public. I'm amazed by this father character, on how he loves his son just the way he is.

Meanwhile in my real life, I experience rejection from several guys. Most of them stated that I have a high living standard. They said I have a higher level of education and living style. I don't know why they always had the same reason.

Hmm, let's take a look on what they say...

Starting from the family, my dad always say that I am an arrogant person. He always want more and more of me, it's like being me is never enough for him. I remember he said one time that he educated me not to make me an arrogant person. Hmm...

One of my close friend said that I am too good so he doesn't deserve me. Another close friend said that I have a higher education. My ex boyfriend broke up with me because I have a high living style (to have a life like I'm a rich person or something like that).

I don't want to defend myself or plead. I just have one question for you guys...

CAN YOU LOVE ME FOR ME?

Dare to Live (Vivere)

My brother brought home a CD of Andrea Bocelli, the album called Vivere. I was a bit confuse why he bought the CD, he just said it's a gift from his friend. Although I didn't understand the meaning of all the song since most of them are in Italian, but I love this song very much. Its music, its English lyric, and of course Andrea Bocelli's voice... Beautiful...

DARE TO LIVE
(VIVERE)

Try looking at tomorrow not yesterday
And all the things you left behind
All those tender words you did not say
The gentle touch you couldn't find

In these days of nameless faces
There is no one truth but only pieces
My life is all i have to give

Dare to live until the very last
Dare to live forget about the past
Dare to live giving something of yourself to others
Even when it seems there's nothing more left to give

Ma se tu vedessi l'uomo
Davanti al tuo portone
Che dorme avvolto in un cartone,
Se tu ascoltassi il mondo una mattina
Senza il rumore della pioggia,
Tu che puoi creare con la tua voce,
Tu, pensi i pensieri della gente,
Poi, di Dio c'e solo Dio.

Vivere, nessuno mai ce l'ha insegnato,
Vivere, non si può vivere senza passato,
Vivere è bello anche se non l'hai chiesto mai,
Una canzone ci sarà, qualcuno che la canterà

Dare to live searching for the ones you love
(Perché, perché, perché, perché non vivi questa sera?)
Dare to live no one but we all
(Perché, perché, perché, perché non vivi ora?)
Dare to live until the very last
(Perché, perché, perché la vita non è vita)
Your life is all you have to give (Perché)
non l'hai vissuta
Vivere!

Dare to live until the very last
(Perché, perché, perché Ia vita non è vita)
Your life is all you have to give (Perché)
non l'hai vissuta mai

I will say no (I will say yes)
Say dare to live
Dare to live

Green Raccoon

An old friend of mine suddenly send a message on my blackberry said: "Try this... character test, almost accurate, follow the link below: http://world.doubutsu-uranai.com/." Out of curiosity, I open the website and here is my result:

You are Green Raccoon, who is affectionate, and have womanly attraction wafting around.

You give an impression of a dreaming little girl, but unlike your outside impression, you are very cautious and do not easily let other people in your heart.

Characteristics of this type of people tend to be rather weak and simple.

You want to depend on others heavily.

Therefore, you are good at reading people's character, and have clear preferences of people.

Although you tend to be a quiet person, you have intelligence, and once you are in action, you become very practical.

Your dreams are big, and you try to make it come true through your experiences.

Your dream will be decided according to the circumstances you are born.

Raccoon people have kind hearts and are full of volunteer spirits.

You take extreme good care of those people below your rank or those who are weak.

You are always enduring and show perseverance.

You are especially not afraid to face men.

You don't like to be alone, and therefore feel safe where there are lots of people.

By working and living in a group will improve you, and makes it possible to understanding yourself further, and be able to build up a better life.

Once married, you will do anything to help your husband, and can become a good housewife.

But you may become little too demanding, so be careful.

Most of it are true. Yes! I'm very cautious and do not easily let other people in my heart (if you are my friend, you are very lucky... LOL... because I don't let anyone enter my heart so easily). Yes! I'm weak, fragile and simple (although you see me as a strong person, inside I am weak and fragile). Yes! I have a big dream and a kind heart (hope others won't use my kind heart for the wrong purpose). Yes! I am always enduring and showing perseverance (you have to know me well enough to know this characteristic of mine). Yes! I'm not afraid to face men (there is nothing to be afraid of from a man). No! I like to be alone, just me and myself. I like to be alone so I can review my life, build my dream and prepare my heart to be strong. 

This is another test of my characteristic and I hope everyone know me a little bit better now.

New Report on The Pain

It's been quite a long time since i wrote about my endometriosis pain. The last 2 months, the pain when I got my period was still as usual. As for the pain killer I change into Novalgin, recommended by a friend of mine who is a doctor... Thank you, Devie. Novalgin consist of metamizole sodium. It is a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug, commonly use as a powerful analgesic and antipyretic .

This month period came on August 3, but I feel the pain since Aug 2nd. It hurt especially when I raise up from sit position. The pain is like... imagine that you have an open wound located on your inner elbow. When you close your arm the wound will stick to another skin and when you open the wound will cause you pain because it's not dry enough and still stick to the skin (I hope I describe it clearly). It's like tearing your clothes apart. It hurt so much. The burning sensation of it make me pause a while. So, each time I stand up, I have to adjust my balance... hold on the wall or the table until the pain disappear then I start to walk. 

As write and post this entry, I still feel the pain. After 2 days in a row using pain killer medicine, I decided to stop. Hopefully I can endure the pain (cross my fingers). Turn out I made a wrong decision, it hurt so badly all day long... even when I took the pain killer... D'oh!

Itai... Itai... Itai... :'(

By the way, I want to thank my friend, Ruben (again) for trying to help me with the pain. Thanks for showing me the website of self hypnosis. I'll try it. Hope I will be able to stop the pain with it.

Birthday Wishes 2010

I remember last year my friend ask me to write my birthday wish 1 month before the date. I want to make is as ritual, although this is very early. Making birthday wish is fun. Since it's a wish, so I can make as high as I can, right?

Last year birthday wish was mostly  to stay close to God. The wishes granted by many friends. They gave me religious books and rosary. The good thing is I still receive my gift every month (many thanks to Siska). I'm very grateful for all my friends who support me all the way.

This year birthday wishes are iPhone and furniture for my upcoming apartment. Why iPhone? Because I want to change my old Nokia 6300. The option is between Sony Ericsson - Xperia or Samsung - Galaxy or Nokia E71. Confuse!!! So, I choose something different... an iPhone. Since it is expensive, I make it as a birthday wish. Grant it or not, doesn't matter...

About the furniture, as you know I just bought an apartment and the developer will hand it over by this December. I really need to fill it with furniture so I can live there. Hope to be able to fill it by second semester of 2011. Want to help me with the furniture?

WHAT!!! No religious stuff for this year birthday wish? Of course I still have religious wishes that I need to build with the help of God and friend. One of the religious wish is to go to Lourdes, a huge and high wish. Is there anyone willing to pay for my trip to Lourdes??? LOL

Well, this is it... My birthday wishes of 2010.

It is Prohibited

‎​IT IS PROHIBITED

By Pablo Neruda

It is prohibited to cry without learning,

to get up one day without knowing what to do, 

to have fear of your memories ...

It is prohibited not to smile at problems,

not to fight for what you want,

to abandon everything for fear,

not to turn your dreams into reality ...

It is prohibited not to try to understand people, 

to think that their lives are worth less than yours, 

not to know that everyone has their own way and happiness ...

It is prohibited not to create your history, 

not to have a moment for the people that need you, 

not to understand that what life gives you can also be taken away ...

It is prohibited not to search for your happiness, 

not to live your life with a positive attitude, 

not to believe that one can improve, 

not to feel that without you, this world would not be the same ...

Special thanks to my friend, Ruben, who gave me this poem. It is a beautiful poem and I love it. Thank you, bro!