It's been more than a month since you left me. No more news from you, no more chat, no more laugh. I feel so empty inside although there are many friends around me. Why is it so difficult to forget you? Why are you always on my mind? I never thought I love you this much, but I do, yet I know you wouldn't believe me. I told my heart so many time, that I must forget you, that you never want me, that you will never fight for me. I found this poem and somehow it describes my feeling for you. I don't know the title of it... a poem by Andrei Aksana as I quote it from his book called "Senyawa":
Hatiku tidak bergeser sesenti pun
Meski jarak kamu lebarkan bermil-mil
Itulah cinta yang kamu sangsikan
Masih seperti itu
Tersimpan di situ
Hati yang dulu kamu patahkan
Tak kuberikan pada siapa pun
Di ruas-ruas hatiku tergambar peta itu
Menemukanmu
Kehilanganmu
Dan tak mungkin kembali ke KM 0
I dedicate this poem for you, I love you, still... Picture source www.boardofwisdom.com
Finally I took a courage to buy a new phone. I bought a Lenovo P70. Actually this isn't the phone I dream of. I would like to buy Samsung A3 if I have more money. Since my money is very very limited, my option become limited too.
I have 2 options before I decide to buy this phone, Asus Zenphone 2 and Lenovo P-70. I want a bigger RAM and good camera for my new phone. I need bigger RAM because I play online game and good camera because I love to take picture. Both options provide the requirements. Both have 2GB RAM and 13MP camera and 5MP for second camera. The price is more or less the same.
As I searched for the phone, I don't like the Asus's big screen. I don't like big cellular phone. My screen should be 4" - 4.5", no more than that. Asus Zenfone 2 has 5.5" screen, too big for me. I know some would say it's good to have big screen when I play games, but to take phone call... it will be weird. There is Asus Zenphone 2 with 5" screen but... the phone has no slot for external SD Card. So, I turn to Lenovo.
My first choice of Lenovo was Lenovo S850, 5", 13MP + 5MP. But this has no slot for external SD Card. Then I found out about Lenovo P70. A coworker already have it, so I tried the phone and sought its spec. I bought it. Here are the complete spec:
OS - Android 4.4
CPU - Mediatek MT6752 (8 cores, 1.70GHz, Cortex-A53)
RAM - 2GB RAM
Memory - 16GB
GPU - MaliT760
Display - 5" IPS captive multi-touch display with a resolution of 1280 x 720 pixels
Connectivity - Blutooth, WiFi 802.11 b/g/n, WiFi hotspot
Cameras - 13MP with autofocus and LED flash as main and 5MP as secondary
Features - 2x mini SIM, microSD up to 32GB, microUSB2.0, integrated loudspeakers, 3.5 mm audio jak, FM radio
Battery - 4000mAh
I really love the spec especially with 2GB RAM, the camera, and the big battery power!!! Awesome.
So far, I love this phone. The only disappointment would be the loudspeaker, the sound wasn't good. A bit disappointed in the speaker but it's okay. Glad to have this phone.
My long distance relationship has ended a few days ago. It was a sweet relationship that taught me many lessons. I learned that I can love again after painful relationship. I learned that I love to be loved. I learned to respect my partner, being patient, and love him unconditionally.
This relationship failed due the lack of communication and doubts. His doubts were killing me. No matter how much I want to fix this relationship if the communication and doubts remain, it won't survive. I tried and begged and fought hard for this relationship to work. I didn't care how he treated me, how he put this relationship with no future, how he rejected me, how he blocked me. I just love him and wanted so much to be with him.
It took a big courage to end this relationship, as he accused me of cheating. Cheating with another LDR, while I cannot even handle one LDR. As I stated at the first time I met him, I don't want another LDR. Yet he insisted to give another chance. I did, regardless how difficult this type of relationship. I am tired of explaining, tired of demanding, tired of accepting, tired of giving. I give up. I am letting you go as you wish when you blocked me from everything.
I remember a quote from Mother Teresa: "I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." His doubts hurt me so much and now the only thing left is love. Did he love me enough to overcome his doubts? I think he believes in his thought more than he loves me. I choose you, I choose to love you in silence now, where there are no more doubts.
I heard this song a few days ago. I love its lyric and I dedicate this song for you...
Tak Pernah Padam (Never Die)
by Sandy Sandoro
Senyumanmu masih jelas terkenang / Your smile still clear in my memory
Hadir selalu seakan tak mau hilang dariku / Your present won't disappear from me
Takkan mudah ku bisa melupakan / It won't be easy for me to forget you
Segalanya yang telah terjadi / Everything that has happened
Di antara kau dan aku, / Between you and me
Di antara kita berdua / Between you and me
Kini tak ada terdengar kabar dari dirimu / There is no news from you now
Kini kau telah menghilang jauh dari diriku / You have gone away from me now
Semua tinggal cerita antara kau dan aku / Only stories stay between you and me
Namun satu yang perlu engkau tahu / But one thing you should know
Api cintaku padamu tak pernah padam, / My love for you never die
Tak pernah padam / Never die
Thank you for your love, your time, your sacrifice. Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving me the way I need it. Wish I can hold your hands one more time...
My Oppo Find Way was broken, the battery can't not be charged. I already tried with many charger, such as: its own charger, Blackberry charger, Nokia charger, also charge it with laptop, none of it worked. The battery is planted inside so I cannot just buy and replace the battery on my own. I cannot buy a new phone and take it to service center because my money is really tight.
I feel so frustrated because I use the android for work and for my long distance relationship. I tried to move all the apps to my Samsung Galaxy Tab 1. As you know the tab is very heavy, difficult to take pictures, and it gives more weight to my shoulder. After several days of not having android phone, my boss lent me his Samsung Galaxy Core. He said he found very difficult to communicate with me without android.
I am using Samsung since March 29, 2015. It was a bit confusing to me, because I am not use to it. As I learned to adapt with it, I enjoy this phone. A bit review on this gadget based on my previous Oppo, with the same RAM, I find Oppo much faster. Oppo has a better camera even for the selfie camera. I can put 2 sim cards in Samsung Core, while Oppo only provide 1 slot for micro sim card. I only need to place 1 sim card so I don't use the second slot at Samsung Core. The total point for Samsung Core would be an average good phone. It is enough to those who only use for chat and browsing.
Unfortunately, in a few days, I have to return the phone. My boss wants to give it to someone else. Bye bye Samsung. Still unable to buy a new phone yet due my financial condition, I look for a cheaper phone. The options are between Lenovo or Asus. Still haven't decide yet, waiting for the money.
Just want to thank you to my boss. Thank you so much for lending me this phone, it helps me in many ways.
Thank You Lord, for providing me what I need.
I was looking for a song that represent my feeling, my sad mood, my sorrow heart. Tried to hear some old Japanese' song which come to my mind, but still cannot catch my feeling. Until I heard a song at the radio. It's been awhile that I listened to the radio. Yesterday evening as my way home from office, I played the radio on my phone. Searched from my favorite radio channel and found this song. Terbaik Untukmu / The Best for You by Tangga
Lyric: Aku sadar kalau kini / I realized now Kita sudah smakin menjauh / We are growing apart Sempat aku berpikir ini / I thought Kau yg menginginkannya / You wanted this Lepas dari pelukku / Free yourself from me
* Oh kini aku sadari / Oh now I realized Ini salahku / It's all my fault Tak ingin ku terlambat dan sesali / Don't want to be late and regret it
Reff:
Maafkanlah bila ku selalu / I'm sorry if I always Membuatmu marah dan benci padaku / Make you angry and hate me Ku lakukan itu semua / I did all that Hanya tuk buatmu bahagia / Only to make you happy
Mungkin ku cuma tak bisa pahami / Maybe I cannot understand Bagaimana cara tunjukkan maksudku / How to show my intention Aku cuma ingin jadi terbaik untukmu / I just want the best for you
Aku ingin kau tetap di sini bersamaku / I want you to stay here with me Jangan Pergi / Please don't go Berikan satu kesempatan / Give me one more chance Untuk ku membuktikan / To prove to you Sesungguhnya cintaku / My real love
Repeat * Repeat reff
Dedicated to someone, I lost you...
Tried to be honest & exposed my deepest feeling...
Should I remain in silent while my heart hurts in many ways?
